By Scott Bowden
Bisched-Off!
Eric Bischoff is back...with a Vengeance
Just when I thought Vince McMahon was abandoning angles designed to get a cheap ratings pop for RAW and SMACKDOWN! in favor of developing a fresh direction, he hires former WCW (dick)head Eric Bischoff in the figurehead position of general manager for his Monday-night brand. [SPOILER WARNING: Results from tonight's telecast of SMACKDOWN! are discussed below. Those who don't want know, skip to the next paragraph. You've been warned.]It gets worse: his daughter, Stephanie, is back as general manager on Thursday nights. Plans appear to include a brand war, with Bischoff and Steph feuding over talent for their respective shows. While this will enable them to shake up both rosters - which is badly needed at this point - it's hard to imagine two more obnoxious on-air personalities interacting. (Unless Vince Russo or Ed Ferrara were somehow involved, but they've got another promotion to help kill now: Jerry Jarrett's NWA:TNA.)
Apparently, McMahon was not content with the eerily similar WCW-like mistakes he's made in recent weeks: bad-mouthing his own product repeatedly, abandoning storylines with no conclusion and hiring Russo (though he did a quick about-face on that one). At least we don't have to worry about the recently retired Diamond Dallas Page getting the WWE strap ... and that's a good thing.
Part of the reason the WCW name was reportedly dropped altogether from WWE television (with the exception of Booker T's hilarious promos) was because it was felt the name had nothing but negative name recognition with fans at that point. (If you recall, the original plan was for a Shane McMahon-owned WCW to feud with a Vince-led WWE.) So now he brings in Bischoff, who in his first promo, practically dares the fans to turn off their TV sets. I know I certainly wanted to, but hey, I've got a column to write. At least we were spared Bischoff spreading his arms like airplane wings as he waddled to the ring, that ridiculous move he used to make while escorting Hollywood Hogan in WCW. Ooooh. Such a heat-generating gesture.
Things aren't all bad: With Kevin Nash out, the NWO angle has been aborted before this Sunday's VENGEANCE pay-per-view. Trouble is, the NWO has been pushed down our throats for the last few weeks, and the long-awaited return of Shawn Michaels has been wasted. McMahon coming out and pulling the plug on what's left of the heel group also reeks of a desperate WCW move. Couldn't they have developed a more creative way to end the storyline other than McMahon pretty much admitting there was nowhere else to go? Hell, you're bringing in Bischoff anyway, so why not involve him in some way?
In their last appearance, the NWO was able to provide us with one last memorable moment of television on the July 8 RAW. With Nash screaming in obvious legit pain (muscle tearing away from the bone will do that you), Michaels grabs the microphone and threatens Triple H. HBK says that unless the Game joins the NWO, he's going to end up like all the rest - face down on the mat. He was pointing at a prone Booker T, but he easily could have meant Nash. Michaels really should have thought twice about cutting that promo because it came off really bad. As Nash is helped back to the dressing room, Ross exclaims, "The NWO kicked some ass tonight!" Yeah, right. Fell on their ass is more like it. You hate to see any of the boys go down, but c'mon - the leader of the group couldn't even make it across the ring without hurting himself. And this was his first match back from an injury. I'm only surprised that X-Pac didn't get a stomach cramp or some such nonsense. Oh, that's right, he wasn't doing a job on this night.
Although Triple H has to be relieved to be out of his program with the NWO, he's now stuck in an angle involving Bischoff attempting to sign him. (Didn't Bischoff fail to re-sign Triple H years ago in WCW?) Makes you wonder what Hunter did to piss off Stephanie (who oversees the writing teams and dates Triple H). A blinded Junkyard Dog could see what's coming: a shoot-like interview in which Triple H blasts Bischoff for misusing him in WCW years back. Yeah, Hunter, you and just about everybody else.
Vince seems so determined to follow WCW's path, he's reportedly considering hiring Dusty Rhodes in some sort of booking position. If the finish to Sunday's main event involves a ref bump and the Rock getting a pin with a second ref making the count to apparently win the title (before the decision is reversed on a DQ by the revived first ref who earlier saw the Rock do something illegal), then you'll know that Dusty has the job. Back when Rhodes was calling the shots for Jim Crockett's NWA and later WCW, he used a similar ending (nicknamed "the Dusty finish" by sheets like THE WRESTLING OBSERVER) in title matches nationwide - and often twice in the same city. Using his trademark finish, Dusty won the NWA World title from Ric Flair at Starrcade '85 and had the boys give him a rousing locker-room celebration before he returned the belt. (I'm sure they were all just thrilled.)
Dusty pretty much killed the promotion's chances in Chicago when he booked that finish in a Road Warriors vs. Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard bout for the NWA tag titles at Starrcade '87, which saw the "hometown" LOD lose on a DQ. They even used that finish in a Ric Flair vs. Tatsumi Fujinami title match at the Tokyo Dome for a WCW PPV, which ended the long-standing credibility of the belt in Japan. And you thought Vince liked to screw people out of titles.
Then again, I'm sure there's some kind of sick way to involve Dusty in an angle with his son, Goldust. Judging from those vignettes McMahon had the Dream perform in the early '90s (scrubbing toilets, riding a garbage truck, etc.) - not to mention his having the polka-dot ring attire and an overweight valet - Dusty certainly isn't above anything. God forbid he doesn't transform into Goldusty.
Hopefully we'll see Angle get the Undisputed strap at Sunday's VENGEANCE, which should at least immediately improve the quality of wrestling on RAW. And a nice buildup between Angle and Brock Lesnar for a title match at SUMMERSLAM could be really something. It's a fresh issue between two legit badasses and Angle should make Lesnar look incredible during the bout. If that does happen, Lesnar will come off stronger than ever ... even without winning the belt. Angle's just that good right now; he damn sure would have been a great traveling World titleholder back in the day, when the role of the champion was to enter a territory and make the local star look good. I would expect Lesnar's Superman push to continue this Sunday with a title win over Rob Van Dam.
Even though the WWE tag titles have been a non-issue for at least a year, putting the belts on Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit would be a huge step in restoring much-needed credibility. Allowing them to appear on both shows as champs would be a good second move. Making them practically unbeatable for about a year would be a third. Apparently, we won't even get step one anytime soon since Hogan and Edge are defending against Christian and Lance Storm this Sunday, while Guerrero and Benoit are working with Bubba and Spike Dudley. I'd look for this Team Canada angle to pick up steam with Christian and Storm getting the belts.
World-class finishes
Clearly, you can't always give the fans a title change. Of course, nowadays all the straps mean little, with the excitement surrounding a title change being greatly diluted with their greater frequency over the years. But if you're going to screw the fans out of a title change, at least do it in a creative way that will lead to big business. Here are a couple of textbook examples from the past.
December 25, 1982
Ric Flair vs. Kerry Von Erich
In front of more than 12,000 fans paying $105,000 (a state record at the time) at Dallas' Reunion Arena, Flair retains the NWA World title over Von Erich in a steel cage match with special referee Freebird Michael Hayes. Hayes, a babyface at the time, gets into an argument with Flair and punches out the champ. Hayes and partner Terry "Bam Bam" Gordy, who is guarding the cage, urge Kerry to cover Flair. After Kerry refuses to win the title that way, Hayes shoves him and makes his exit. When Kerry pursues, Gordy slams the cage door shut on Kerry, laying him out.
This classic finish leads to two years of incredible business for Fritz Von Erich's promotion as his sons David, Kerry, Kevin and eventually Mike feud with Gordy, Hayes and Buddy Roberts in one of wrestling's all-time greatest feuds. It also adds to the Von Erich chase for the NWA title, a storyline that culminates in 1984 at Texas Stadium as Kerry wins the belt from Flair in David's memory, following the eldest Von Erich brother's death of an apparent drug overdose in Japan earlier that year.
January 1983
Jerry Lawler vs. Nick Bockwinkle
Lawler had apparently won the AWA World title from Bockwinkle on Dec. 27, 1982, at the Mid-South Coliseum in Memphis. During the bout, Lawler knocked Bockwinkle from behind as the champ revived ref Jerry Calhoun, who had been knocked senseless. Lawler covered Bock for the win, but the champ's feet were on the ropes. Calhoun counts anyway and bedlam erupts as the 10,000-plus loyal subjects in attendance celebrate with their King.
Ah, but the tape of the bout is sent to AWA president Stanley Blackburn, who rules that a rematch must take place, with neither Lawler or Bockwinkle recognized as champion. Jimmy Hart, who had been "burned" by repeated fireballs thrown by Lawler weeks ago, is wrapped in bandages and accompanies Bock to ringside. Bill Dundee sits in Lawler's corner.
While the ref attempts to block Hart's attempt to interfere, Lawler goes for the pin. With no ref to make the count, Lawler gets up but is distracted by the presence of Hart - wearing no bandages - on the other side of the ring. Bockwinkle takes advantage and rolls up Lawler for the winning pin. The bandages are removed on the mystery Hart to reveal comedian Andy Kaufman, who had sworn revenge for the injuries sustained from two Lawler piledrivers in April 1982.
Bockwinkle escapes with his title, ready to return for a heated series of return bouts with Memphis' favorite son. And the Hart-Lawler feud heats up even more.
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