by Scott Bowden
In the mid-'80s, Jerry Jarrett, longtime owner of the Memphis wrestling territory, along with top babyface draw (and current WWE color commentator) Jerry "the King" Lawler, reportedly met with The Nashville Network to discuss a program that would be a combination of HEE-HAW and pro wrestling.
The country-rasslin' concept, which should have died the moment that Jarrett and Lawler were quickly shown the door, was finally realized more than 15 years later with Wednesday night's pay-per-view debut of NWA: TOTAL NONSTOP ACTION (TNA).
Don't get me wrong-I love old-school wrestling. Growing up in Memphis, I was the biggest mark for Lawler, who was the city's equivalent to Joe Montana, Larry Bird and Pete Rose. I eventually turned this passion for the business into a would-be career as the top heel manager in the Memphis USWA territory in 1994-96.
My personal highlights included managing my childhood idol, the King, to a victory over a very green Flex Kavana, who was then "forced" to leave the glamorous Memphis-area venues-flea markets, high-school gymnasiums and bingo halls-for the WWF. Although I'm sure Kavana was bitter over his failed bid to win the USWA World Unified title-which was rarely defended outside the Memphis city limits-he made the best of it. Kavana went on to become the Rock, the biggest star in the business, with multiple WWF (uh, WWE) title reigns and millions-and millions-of fans.
Before the WWF went nationwide in the '80s, the National Wrestling Alliance (NWA) was the largest sanctioning body of wrestling promoters in the world. In the eyes of most fans, the NWA World title was the big one, the one that mattered. Even in the WWF's stronghold of the Northeast, the WWF championship was billed for years as the Federation's "heavyweight title," with the NWA's "World" champion occasionally defending in Madison Square Garden.
The NWA's heritage runs deep, with the top legends of the business holding the World championship during the last 50-plus years: Lou Thesz, Harley Race, Dory Funk Jr., Terry Funk, Jack Brisco, Dusty Rhodes and, of course, Ric Flair. And don't forget the reigns of Tommy Rich and Ron Garvin. (OK, maybe you should forget.)
Jarrett's J Sports & Entertainment-with son Jeff as president-promises to build on the NWA old-school legacy while also featuring fast-paced angles, celebrities and yes, a little T&A. And all for less than $10 a week.
The thought of promoting a weekly PPV show sandwiched between the WWE's Monday night RAW and Thursday night SMACKDOWN! seems as crazy as Luke Graham (sorry, old-school joke). But Jerry and Jeff-not to mention iN DEMAND LLC-seem to think there's an nationwide audience willing to pay for a product that cannot ever hope to match the WWE-no matter how low the quality of McMahon's current product continues to plummet. (And if you want to see just how low the WWE can go, stay tuned: They just rehired Vince Russo, the man behind their late '90s sex-and-grossout excesses.)
The best way I can describe the NWA: TNA effort is to say it's Memphis wrestling with a bigger budget, which isn't saying much-Jarrett for years was known among the boys as one of the worst payoff guys in the business. Supposedly the Memphis crew preferred when Jarrett would turn over the booking duties to Lawler every six months or so because the payoffs improved. Guys like Mick Foley, who worked for Lawler in the USWA, might scoff at that.
The NWA PPV even opened with a shot of a Greco-Roman wrestling statue-the same image that opened more than 1,000 Memphis TV wrestling shows-which exploded, giving way to the TNA logo.
They march out former World champs Funk Jr., Race and Rick Steamboat, who carries the famed "10 pounds of gold"-the classic-looking NWA championship belt worn by Brisco, Race, Rhodes and Flair. Jackie Fargo, the top babyface in Memphis before Lawler, is introduced in some form of commissioner role. I'm not sure anyone but the biggest Memphis-area wrestling fans remember Fargo.
Steamboat, who was nearly unmatched as a performer in the ring but never good on the mic, opens with a somewhat bumbling though effectively passionate speech about the crowning of a new NWA champ. (The title was stripped from former champ Dan Severn, who was making a bigger payday somewhere else last night.)
Jeff Jarrett then comes on the scene, which doesn't bode well for the rest of the evening. For years in Memphis, and most other territories for that matter, the booker or the owner's son would have the most TV time, with most of the angles revolving around them. Looks like we're in for Total Nonstop Jarrett: All Jarrett, all the time.
Jeff questions why the NWA title is up for grabs in the Gauntlet for the Gold, a rip-off of the WWE's Royal Rumble. Granted, a tournament would have been a better way to establish at least some credibility with the fans, but why piss on an already stupid idea? Reminds me a little of Vince McMahon bad-mouthing his own RAW product a couple of weeks ago.
Fargo says that Jeff will start the Gauntlet as the first entrant, ensuring that we'll see plenty of Jeff in the main event. (Actually, it's not a bad idea to have Jeff, a tremendous worker, pace the match.)
There's hope for the concept when Ken Shamrock appears. Surely, as the apparent top babyface, he'll build up the match by saying Jarrett won't be able to cheat past one man to get the title. No, he'll have to scratch and claw his way past 19 other men, something that even legends like Race and the Funks never had to do. But Shamrock doesn't say that. He, too, admits that it's a joke to crown a World champ this way. In fact, Shamrock says, the idea "sucks." Um, so why we are even watching?
Thank God Scott Hall appears next. (Did I really just type that?) After all, if there's anyone who can save a segment, it's Hall, right? The former Razor Ramon, who is announced as leaving the WWE by "mutual agreement," delivers his "Hey, yo," which gets a pop. To his credit, Hall appears only somewhat incoherent as he concurs with Jeff and Shamrock about the battle-royal concept: "Yeah, it sucks."
Hmmm. You open the show with your three biggest names, all of whom call the main event a joke. Doesn't exactly give the show a major-league feel. Of course, neither does the announcing of Ed Ferrara, one of those guys who I'm constantly trying to figure out how they became a player in the business. Ferrara sports a cheesy new look that makes me long for the days of his "Oklahoma" character, which made fun of WWE play-by-play announcer Jim Ross' Bell's palsy ...a new low even for the wrestling business. As least the capable Mike Tenay is the lead announcer to cover Ferrara and the forgettable Don West, who seems intent on out-goofing Ferrara, if that's possible.
Well, now that their main-event concept is shot, the show needs something big to restore at least some semblance of credibility with the fans. Instead, they cut to an interview with midget wrestler Puppet, the Psycho Dwarf. It's actually a good promo before the midget is cut short (sorry) by an irate Jeff storming around backstage.
FIRST MATCH: The Flying Elvises vs. A.J. Styles, Jerry Lynn and Low-Ki.
Here's the type of action the group needs more of: a six-man with some of the group's best workers. Really, they probably should have opened the show with this match instead of the opening interview segment. Hot moves all around, but the Elvis gimmick takes away from Jorge Estrada, Sonny Siaki and Jimmy Yang, who all would get over anyway with their ability. Yang pins Styles following a corkscrew. Maybe they'll explain the gimmick next week. Solid, fast-paced action.
T&A shots of women dancing around in cages. Can't really complain too much, but it's tacky. (I know, I know, how can anything be considered tacky on a wrestling show?) At least the WWE usually limits the use of women to storylines.
SECOND MATCH: Teo vs. Hollywood (Midget Match).
You can't knock the workrate of these guys, but I wouldn't have midgets on the first show. An OK bout, but counterproductive to what TNA should be trying to build. Lots of midget jokes by Ferrara. Teo wins after a twisting dive from the top.
INTERVIEW SEGMENT:
Ferrara and West hype next week's lingerie battle royal, introducing all the competitors, including Joanie (Lawler's woman), Erin (a Baltimore Ravens cheerleader) and ECW's Electra and Francine, who walking down the ramp in high heels looks about as graceful as Kamala, the Ugandan Giant. Apparently, the women will be eliminated from the bout when they are stripped down to their lingerie. Francine and Electra get into a pull-apart cat fight, with West getting right in the middle of it and mugging for the camera like a mark.
We're 30 minutes in, and we've been treated to Elvis impersonators, midgets and a catfight: This isn't the NWA I remember, but it's about to get worse.
THIRD MATCH: Richard and Rod Johnson vs. Psicosis and Cowbody James Storm.
When I first heard of the Johnsons gimmick, I thought it could possibly work with a pair of swinger-style guys (think of the Czech brothers from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE, or Hollywood-wannabe player types from the movie SWINGERS). Instead, we get two beefed-up guys (the Shane twins) in flesh-toned hoods and full-body suits to make the guys look like a couple of cocks. Really, this must be somebody's idea of a rib. I remember Jeff Jarrett joking with Brian Lawler and his first tag-team partner years back that they should get solid-brown outfits and call themselves the Shits, which might be a better gimmick than this.
The Johnsons are managed by Mortimer Plumtree, who comes off as a less-talented version of Jim Cornette's mama's boy character. Jerry Jarrett worked closely with Cornette years ago when establishing his character, borrowing from a gimmick done by Gary Hart early in his career and others over the years. The story goes that the Johnsons used to torment Plumtree during his youth, but now Mortimer owns their services, which sounds like an angle that Memphis and even the WWF would have used in the '80s.
As you might imagine with a dick like Ferrara on the commentary, lots of bad jokes here concerning the size of the Johnsons, being caught between two Johnsons, being pounded by the Johnsons, etc.
Alicia, a babe, comes out during the bout to begin some kind of angle with the referee. Johnsons get the win after Plumtree distracts Storm, who then gets nailed with a Death Valley driver.
Not good. I expect them to pull the plug on the Johnsons gimmick soon.
INTERVIEW SEGMENT:
Now for the promised celebrities: NASCAR drivers Herbie Sadler and Sterling Marlin, the current Winston Cup points leader. With country singer Toby Keith slated to appear later, I half expect Sadler and Marlin to pop up in a cornfield with Roy Clark and Buck Owens. Instead, K-Krush (former tag partners with Road Dogg Brian Armstrong in the WWE) comes out to build up a black/white racial issue that I'm sure played well in Alabama. Krush badmouths Alabama (which most of the TV audience probably applauded) and threatens the two drivers, who seem more amused than scared, but Brian Christopher Lawler makes the save anyway. It's Christopher vs. Krush next week, with the NASCAR drivers in the former Grand Master Sexay's corner. The crowd in Huntsville popped for all this, but I'm not sure how over it was elsewhere.
Before the next bout they cut to a shot of Jarrett choking Fargo backstage. (Where's Fabulous One Steve Keirn with a 2' x 4' when you need him?) I can't believe they have Fargo so involved in this, although he should help them draw when the NWA: TNA shows move to Nashville.
FOURTH MATCH: Joey Matthews, Christian York vs. The Dupps (w/Fluff)
Bo and Stan Dupp win a short but solid bout. Bo has a stiff working style. The Dupps' hillbilly gimmick is not as lame at it sounds, but it doesn't help a promotion that looks so southern to begin with. Fluff, formerly Ryan Shamrock in WWE, is a sexier version of Ellie Mae Clampett.
TOBY KEITH SEGMENT
A music video of Keith airs first, and then the country artist takes the stage to sing "Angry American." When it comes to mixing country music and wrestling, promoters never learn. I remember in the '80s that promoter Bill Watts had a Jerry Reed concert for Mid-South Wrestling after one of his cards. One problem: Most of the fans exited the building after the matches concluded. WCW tried the same thing with country music during the Steamboat vs. Flair PPV in Nashville that disrupted the flow of the broadcast and resulted in most of the fans in the arena going to the concessions.
Jarrett disrupts the proceedings but has the manners to wait until Keith is nearly done with his song. Security has to hold Keith back from going after Jarrett. Keith is a big guy, but that still looks bad for your lead heel.
BATTLE ROYAL FOR NWA WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
Jeff and Buff Bagwell start, and Buff is mercifully eliminated in less than two minutes. Jeff cleans house in the early going, and looks good ridding the bout of Lash LeRoux and Norman Smiley, who does manage to sneak in the dreaded "Big Wiggle."
The crowd pops big for Konnan, who comes in and clotheslines everyone in sight. Rainbow Warrior Bruce, along with partner Lenny (making them Lenny/Bruce...get it?), comes to ringside, as the announcers discuss their sexual orientation. ("It's monkey business outside the ring, but all business in the ring." Ugh.)
Malice (formerly the Wall in WCW) enters and starts chokeslamming bodies left and right. The new gimmick works, and they put him over strong as he quickly eliminates four guys. The NWA could have a new star in this guy, but you have to think Vince might come along and snag him.
Rick Steiner comes in around this time and delivers his stiff-looking Steiner-Line to a few guys. He twice botches the timing of his trademark powerslam.
Toby Keith exacts his revenge, interfering in the bout and suplexing Jeff and then tossing him out with the help of Hall. Looks like Jeff won't get the NWA title right away, but rest assured, it's coming. To me, it doesn't look good to have your future World champ manhandled by a non-athlete.
After Hall is eliminated, it comes down to Shamrock and Malice in a traditional-rules single bout with Steamboat as special referee. After a few minutes of OK action, Shamrock blocks a chokeslam and delivers a great belly-to-belly suplex to win the bout and the title.
Jeff comes out again and repeats his same speech from the beginning of the show, whining about how the title shouldn't be won in a battle royal. (Hey, it was you and your dad's idea.) After Jeff sucker-punches Bob Armstrong, Fargo calls Hall out to make the save, resulting in a pull-apart to close the show and build up next week's PPV bout between the two former WWE/WCW stars. (And since they taped the next show right after this one, the promotion doesn't have to worry about Hall getting into trouble and missing next week's card.)
OVERALL:
I enjoyed seeing the old NWA championship belt again, and Shamrock is a great choice to get the strap. A Jeff vs. Shamrock feud can't be far behind-it's the best match that the promotion can build to over the next two months. They were smart not to put the NWA belt on Jeff immediately, even though he is probably the best worker in the group. It'll mean more when he beats Shamrock for the strap.
Personally, I like Jerry Jarrett's style of show, although this one had a WCW TV taping feel to it. I've always regretted that I didn't get a chance to work with Jerry during my Memphis run. When it comes to practical ideas about the business, Jerry is second to none; I know McMahon used to consult with him on a regular basis.
That being said, I think the current storylines are a little outdated and perhaps too southern-based to work nationally. For obvious reasons, the NASCAR affiliation both helps and hurts. The group would have a better shot if they had a time slot on TBS or another cable network to promote their shows. Until they do, McMahon probably doesn't even consider the NWA to be competition.
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