As Memphis monarch Jerry Lawler says in WWE’s new DVD release THE SELF-DESTRUCTION OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR: “I think, literally, they’d only had a few matches before they’d arrive—they were green as gourds.”

The WMC-TV Studios had seen its share of stiffs in the past few years since the Road Warriors had captured the imagination of fans nationwide, but Hellwig and Borden had to be among the worst. Their debut bout in Memphis basically saw Hellwig and Borden lock up with two job guys, shove them to the ground and flex. They awkwardly pressed their opponents over their heads a couple of times before ending the bout, and then closing with a little more posing. Longtime announcer Lance Russell tried to put them over, citing their “raw power,” but even a teenage mark like me wasn’t buying it.

“They had great bodies, looked like a million dollars, but couldn't wrestle a lick,” says Memphis promoter Jerry Jarrett, who took a chance at recreating the magic he did with bodybuilder types like Eddie and Terry Boulder (Brutus Beefcake and Hulk Hogan) in the late ’70s. Contrary to what some people say, Terry Bollea got over as Terry “the Hulk” Boulder in his initial run in Memphis, feuding with “Outlaw” Ron Bass over the AWA Southern title and teaming with Jerry Lawler in main events around the horn against foes like Austin Idol and Toru Tanaka, and The Mongolian Stomper and Gorgeous George, Jr. Still, Jimmy Hart claims Lawler said that Hulk would “never make a dime in this business.”

With ultra-cool (for the time) babyface tag teams like the Fabulous Ones and the Rock ‘n’ Roll Express dominating the area years earlier, there was no way the Memphis fans were going to take to a couple of stiffs who couldn’t deliver a promo to save their lives.

The day after the duo’s Saturday debut, Borden and Hellwig appeared on THE JERRY LAWLER SHOW, saying they wanted to be patriotic role models who set a good example, unlike a guy “like Dusty Rhodes, who claims to be the American Dream, but is really just a fat wrestler.” I recall Lawler, who was no physical specimen himself, awkwardly replying, “Well…OK.” Nice babyface promo, guys.

Realizing the fans didn’t like the two muscleheads, Jarrett turned them heels, with Lawler most likely the one bestowing upon them the Blade Runners gimmick, based on the Harrison Ford sci-fi movie, complete with face paint a la The Road Warriors.

Side-Note Slam: Other pop-culture creations by Lawler over the years: Doomsday (the DC character who killed Superman), Judge Dredd, Road Warrior Humongous, Freddy, Jason, Spider-Man, the Kisser (Danny Davis dressed like Gene Simmons), and yes, Darth Vader.

Now known as the Rock (Hellwig) and the Sting (Borden), the two aligned themselves briefly with heel manager (and concession-stand psychology-major Buddy Wayne), an odd trio, even for the wrestling business. Still, Buddy had been around for years, and knew a lot about the business (just ask him), so in reality he wouldn’t have made a bad mentor for the two greenhorns.

Side-Note Slam: Wayne, father of “Nightmare” Ken Wayne, often promoted small towns in the area, usually with only five bouts and about four of the boys working twice, cutting down the payroll. Wayne was notorious for 30-minute intermissions on his cards, telling me that “if the people are in their seats with nothing to do, then they’ll go get something to eat at the concession stand.” A regular PT Barnum, that Buddy Wayne.

The two left Memphis for the UWF/Mid-South territory, where promoter Bill Watts pushed them hard to become passable workers. But while Borden was improving (garnering the attention of booker Eddie Gilbert), Hellwig was as stiff as ever in the ring. This reportedly led to heat between Hellwig and Watts, culminating in a supposed argument between the two when the promoter tried to give the rookie an impromptu lesson in throwing a worked-yet-realistic-looking kick. He allegedly told the young wrestler to get on all fours so he could administer the kick; however, Hellweg already heard that Watts did this regularly to break rookies’ ribs to teach them a lesson.

After not-so-politely declining Watts’ instruction, Hellwig left the UWF to work for the Von Erichs’ World Class promotion in Texas, armed with a new persona, the Dingo Warrior. (Sting, of course, went on to flourish in Gilbert’s First Family, and later became a big star as NWA and WCW World champion.) As the Warrior name might indicate, Hellwig had fashioned his gimmick more closely in line with the Hawk and Animal, with his face paint more prominent and his body even a little less bulky and more cut like the Roadies. (Apparently, the Dingo Warrior had a new training regiment. Ahem.)

Oh, yeah: The Dingo Warrior now also tied what appeared to be thick, fluorescent shoestrings around his arms. Still, even with the new gimmick and new environment, he wasn’t much better in the ring or on the stick; however, Hellwig was starting to develop a presence, a newfound charisma that would eventually attract Vince McMahon’s World Wrestling Federation, although the Former Fed claims it was the Warrior who called them first.

During THE SELF-DESTRUCTION OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR, longtime WWF creative talent Bruce Pritchard admits the company “saw Hellwig as a potential star of the future.” Wisely, the creative team kept Hellwig off television, relegating him to C-team shows so he could gain some experience. Now deemed the Utlimate Warrior, Hellwig slowly developed some in-ring skills, but it was his skyrocketing charisma that made him a player, eventually earning a spot on the B team and TV, where he was protected in short squash matches in which he dominated lesser opponents in minutes if not seconds.

The Ulimate Warrior went to become a huge star for the WWF, highlighted by a title win over Hulk Hogan at WRESTLEMANIA VI at Toronto’s SkyDome.

Although relations ended badly between the Warrior and the company, the Former Fed was in talks months back with Hellwig regarding his participation in the DVD project. Negotiations hit a snag when Hellwig, who was hoping to produce his own documentary about his career, suggested a mutual partnership for both DVDs. When McMahon balked at that proposal, Hellwig elected not to participate in WWE’s DVD project, leaving himself open to a mass burial.

THE SELF-DESTRUCTION OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR is a mean-spirited though often entertaining look at Hellwig’s WWF career and the time period of the business in general. Several current WWE stars take cheap shots at the Warrior with imitations, none of which are more spot-on perhaps than Christian’s. Still, times and tastes change, so it seems a bit unfair and childish to call out Warrior for how ridiculous his gimmick might seem in hindsight I can imagine a similar Huckster- and Nacho Man-type DVD chronicling the careers of Hogan and Randy Savage if the two old stars were still thriving for Ted Turner and WCW.

Apparently, even Bret “the Hitman” Hart, one of the greatest overall performers of the last 20 years, was going to be painted in a rather negative light before he agreed to participate in the upcoming WWE-produced DVD to help preserve his legacy. The original title for Hart’s DVD, SCREWED: THE BRET HART STORY, indicates that the Montreal bout in which he was screwed out of the WWF title was going to be the production’s focal point; in fact, the company had reportedly already conducted interviews in which company men like Ric Flair and Lawler buried Hart.

In the Warrior DVD, Flair and Lawler, joined by everyone from Triple H to Gene Okerlund to Hulk Hogan to Jim Ross, buries Hellwig for his unprofessionalism and lack of integrity and in-ring skills. (In some cases, the irony is amazing.)

The strongest comments on the DVD, though, are from McMahon, who claims that Warrior held up Vinnie and the company for $1 million prior to 1990’s SUMMERSLAM. “I couldn’t wait to fire him,” McMahon says. Given the quality of the bout that night with Warrior teaming with Hogan to defeat Sgt. Slaughter, Col. Mustafa (Iron Sheik) and General Adnan, I wish Vinnie would’ve had the grapefruits to fire Warrior before the bell rang.

I’m torn about the DVD. I never enjoyed Warrior’s work—in fact, his continued push in the late ’80s only made me more of a fan of WCW, a promotion featuring guys like Flair, the Great Muta, the Steiner brothers and Terry Funk. Still, Warrior could have the occasional good match (the title win over Hogan) and occasionally a great one (the ’89 SUMMERSLAM loss to Rick Rude). Hellwig’s rants on his Web sites and during speaking engagements—nearly as nonsensical as his wrestling promos—certainly haven’t done him any favors, either. (Hellwig sparked a well-publicized commotion at a college campus after expressing his views on homosexuality and insulting members of the audience who disagreed with him.)

Still, I question whether Hellwig’s transgressions against WWE and the business are any worse than countless other superstars now back on good terms with the company as McMahon now aggressively promotes the Legends campaign in conjunction with the 24/7 on-demand cable channel and home DVD releases. With the Legends program, I can’t help but wonder if McMahon is again telling stars of the past, “You’re either with us, or against us.” Not that it matters, as plenty of stars from that era didn’t save their money and would relish the opportunity to make a buck off their names while they still can. But for guys like Warrior and Hart, who are financially sound, the decision to play ball comes down to a matter of their legacy. If they to refuse to again work with McMahon, THE SELF-DESTRUCTION OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR proves these stars of yesterday can expect a smear campaign.

Overall, I’d say the Warrior DVD is worth picking up, as it’s quite a spectacle, seeing the company bury their former World champion. I’m not saying I agree with the philosophy behind it, but the DVD is unlike anything the company has produced before. I will say that I was surprised at how annoying I found clips from the Warrior’s time period, even the passable cage match with Rude. Unlike, say, the JCP/WCW footage I’ve seen on the Flair DVD and others, the WWF product of the late ’80s/early ’90s certainly hasn’t aged well.

In Closing: I have a few thoughts on the McMahon family reunion as well as the angle involving the “firing” of Jim Ross. First, Monday’s angle was, of course, a work. While we’re all leery of having WWE become “all McMahon, all the time” once again, I didn’t necessarily find Ross’ on-air firing as offensive as some. That said, it’s no secret within the business that McMahon has been wanting to go with a younger, fresher, better-looking face as the lead announcer on RAW, even going so far as to make a serious, lucrative offer to UFC announcer Mike Goldberg, who eventually turned Vince down after flirting with the proposal for a couple of weeks. According to the OBSERVER’s Dave Metlzer, the company moved forward with the scripted angle to fire Ross on the air, despite the fact that they have no one in line to take his place. Like it or not, the angle’s going to play out over TV and online, with Ross (who’s under contract to WWE until late 2006) most likely returning to call RAW, either for USA or for the upcoming online Webcasts, the latter of which would be viewed as a demotion. If that happened, I would expect a fan uprising, something similar to the “we want Flair” chants in WCW years back.

My personal feelings is that the company really needs Ross as this time, as the company is struggling with its own identity, while at the same facing mounting competition from TNA and, to an extent, UFC. Wrestling fans are often slow to embrace change, but eventually Ross will have to give way to a younger talent more in line with the 18-34 demographic they are targeting. But, fact is, Ross is still the best in the business and the WWE may need him now more than they realize. In my opinion, wrestling works best when it’s a parody of sport—not a parody of itself, which it seems to have become of late. With all the lunacy that goes with the wrestling business, you need a seasoned pro like Ross (and Lance Russell and Gordon Solie in the past) to help us all suspend disbelief and enjoy the product. Can’t imagine Lawler and Coach—or an announcer like Goldberg who knows nothing about the business—filling those shoes. I’ll have more on this situation next week. Stay tuned.

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