By Special Guest-Star Nicole Yates
Hi kids, it’s Nicole Yates again here with another week of tv watchin’ goodness. We have two Kevin Alerts, Picks Of The Night and Picks Of The Week and some interesting things in our new section OnDemand Picks. So pull up the sofa, order some mega-fries and sit back and relax while I go through some of the good stuff on the tube this week!
Monday, May 3
PICK OF THE NIGHT
BETTER OFF DEAD- 8 PM- HBO COMEDY
John Cusack stars as Lane Myer, a teenager who loses his girlfriend to a more popular guy and becomes suicidal. Sounds fun, huh? Well this movie is hysterical and is stolen by Mr. Curtis Armstrong, playing Charles DeMar, a would be drug addict (when standing on the ski slope he exclaims “Do you know what the street value of this is?”). Directed by Savage Steve Holland, this movie is chock full of goofy one liners, off the wall characters (check out the psycho paperboy who literally stalks Lane with his motto “Where’s My Two Dollars”) and even an appearance by a dancing claymation hamburger (with a nod to Eddie Van Halen). Keep an eye out for Dan Schneider, the fat kid from “Head Of The Class” as Ricky, the nerdy next door neighbor. What’s really bizarre is that Cusack not only hates this movie, he refuses to talk about it.
MONSTER HOUSE-8 PM, Discovery Channel
A big city family gets a New York City themed house in this new episode. Will it include Urine: the official smell of New York City? Watch and see!
UNBREAKABLE – 8 PM, ABC
M. Night Shyamalan wrote and directed this follow-up to his hit The Sixth Sense and brought Bruce Willis along for the ride. This one is about a train wreck survivor and his new gift. Sam Jackson steals the show as the weird Mr. Glass, and when he tumbles down the steps at the subway station, you’ll understand why. While I enjoy Shyamalan’s writing (I like to call him “Mr. Twist”), his reasons for shooting here in Philly sort of piss me off. He has been quoted as saying how the town is full of urban decay. Thanks M., glad to know our brumbling city is so inspiring. Now go back to the burbs where you came from (he has his office in Conshohocken, a Philly suburb, and grew up in the burbs too.)
KEVIN ALERT
PICK OF THE WEEK
CLERKS- 9 PM- HBO ZONE
Hey, you ever heard of this Smith guy? He made this little movie about working in a convenience store? Really funny? You haven’t? Well, here’s a chance to check it out. And as a former convenience store worker, I have to say he hit a lot of things right on the head. I think this kid might have a future in movies.
10.5-9:02 PM, NBC
Giant earthquakes destroy the west coast. I’m sure the people in the neighboring states will make a fortune on new beach businesses.
MIDNIGHT EXPRESS-9:50 PM- TRUESTORY CHANNEL
An American gets caught smuggling hash in Turkey and is made an example of in prison. Makes HBO’s OZ look like Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood.
REAL WORLD/ROAD RULES CHALLENGE- 10 PM, MTV
This week Kendall crosses her team and Leah (who had a fantastic panic attack when asked to bungee jump) fights to stay in the game. Follow the famewhores as they hook up, make fools of themselves and trash talk. Kinda like a college frat party but with cameras. You know you love it.
SWIMMING WITH SHARKS-10 PM- TMC
Ever had a boss that made you absolutely insane? Watch what happens when a Hollywood executive’s assistant snaps. And no, the result is not a development deal.
The Late Show with David Letterman: Stupid Human Tricks, David Spade, Loretta Lynn & Jack White, Top Ten with SURVIVOR Shii Ann Huang
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Hugh Jackman, Rosie Perez and Alicia Keys.
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne, Tron uber fan Jay Maynard
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Mike Myers, Ron James
The Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Julie Stiles/LaVar Arrington/The Rapture
Tuesday, May 4
STEALING SINATRA- 6:45 PM- SHOWTIMEP
No, it’s not a mob movie. Based on a true event, a bunch of guys decide to finance their American Dream by stealing the son of Mr. Frank Sinatra.
TIME BANDITS- 8 PM- FLIX
A Terry Gilliam movie. That’s all you need to know, people! The man is a genius, you can’t deny it. Ok, some more facts? It’s the greatest midget film of all time.
URBAN COWBOY- 8 PM- AMC
In case you didn’t know, John Travolta can dance. This time? He’s doing the country-western dancing. Other times? He did the disco dancing, the Broadway Show dancing and finally, the Uma Thurman dancing. Does he dance with Bonnie Raitt? Maybe, maybe not. But she does appear, so keep an eye out for her.
PICK OF THE NIGHT
FREQUENCY- 9 PM- USA
Before Jim Caviezal played that wild man Jesus in THE PASSION, he starred in this little movie with Dennis Quaid and (the always awesome) Andre “You know you loved me on the show HOMICIDE” Braugher as a cop who tries to alter the past by making contact with his father over an old CB radio. But wait! Sounds corny, right? Totally not. As far out of left field as this sounds, it is a wonderful movie, especially for anyone who might have lost their dads at some point. When I first got cable, this movie popped up on Pay Per View so I watched it and stayed up half the night because it just sucks you in. It’s a shame more smaller films like this aren’t promoted more, because this is a true gem. I kid you not.
CANADIAN BACON- 9:20 PM- ENCOREP
Canada has been so mean and nasty to us for many centuries, so, in this goofy movie by Michael “Why, yes, I have completely lost my mind, thanks for askin’!” Moore, he puts forth the idea of a political spin doctor creating a war with Canada. While I am a fan (Kids In The Hall!) of Canada (despite them not letting my roommate in, but that’s another story for another day), I believe they must have a little animosity towards us, hence Celine Dion.
SCRUBS- 9:31 PM- NBC
“My Best Friend’s Wedding”. Turk takes an extra shift so he can extend his honeymoon but gets hung up at the hospital. This is the season ender for this show, so catch it now so you don’t have to wait to see it in August.
KEVIN ALERT
CHASING AMY- 10 PM- LOVE CHANNEL
“What’s a Nubian?”. If you haven’t seen it, catch it! Jeez! Kev’s got a kid to feed, you know?
The Late Show with David Letterman: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Adam Brody (The O.C.)
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Eric Bana, Bob Woodward and Leann Womack.
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Jamie Foxx, Constance Marie, Dom Irerra
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Ray Liotta; Mila Kunis; Carly Simon
The Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Kenny Lofton/Neil Patrick Harris/Danny Aiello
Wednesday, May 5
UHF- 7:30 PM- HBOW2
The new manager of a lowly TV station beats a big-budget rival with off-the-wall shows. Starring the always entertaining Weird Al along with Michael “yes, I’m wacky” Richards and Victoria Jackson. Keep an eye out for Anthony “My god I can be on General Hospital forever!” Geary.
THE PROFESSIONAL- 8 PM- BRAVO
While Natalie Portman isn’t my favorite actress (she’s so flat, acting wise), she is good in this movie starring Jean Reno (otherwise known in film circles as Victor The Cleaner). He is a hit man who takes in Portman and teaches her the trade. Keep a ear out for a favorite Philly vacation location: Wildwood, New Jersey (and the non-existent boarding school they mention).
HUMANZEE-8 PM- Discovery Channel
There is a chimpanzee with a creepy human face. Is he a missing link? I couldn’t make that up if I tried.
AUTOFOCUS- 8:40 PM- OMAX
Bob Crane was a great L.A disc jockey and starred as Colonel Hogan on “Hogan’s Heroes”. What most people don’t know is that he was the poster boy for sexual addiction before the term even existed. He was also a lover of videotape when the technology was just in it’s infancy. An interesting look at a man with an addiction of which he could never overdose.And as usual, Willem DeFoe is creepy as hell as Crane’s buddy (and suspected killer) John Carpenter.
NATURAL BORN KILLERS- 9 PM- HBO ZONE
Woody Harrelson gets as far away from his character Woody on Cheers as he possibly can, as a serial killer on the loose with his girlfriend. Written by Tarantino and directed by Oliver Stone, it’s a car wreck you gotta see to believe. Keep an eye out for a creepy Rodney Dangerfield.
PICK OF THE NIGHT
TV LAND MOGULS- 9 PM- TV LAND
“The ‘70s” is the next installment in this ongoing TV Land series. The 60’s, while full of interesting off the wall tv shows, was different, the 70’s really started breaking down walls with such shows as “Mary Tyler Moore” and “All In The Family” that show things like racism in America (All In The Family”) and smaller but still relevant issues like being a single working woman (“Julia” and MTM”), which, in the 70’s was still a new thing. The idea of not being a married stay at home mom was kind of radical. Watch this and see how times have truly changed.
KINGPIN- 9 PM- SPIKETV
While the Farrelly Brothers have sort of built their reputation on crazy plots and seem to be running out of ideas, they hit one out of the park with this wacked look at a con artist, a one handed salesman and an Amish guy trying to win a million bucks in a bowling tournament. Need I say more?
The Late Show with David Letterman: Kate Beckinsale, Sue Johanssen
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Julie Scardina and San Diego Zoo animals, Tom Selleck and Los Lobos with Café Tacuba
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Lindsay Lohan, Korn lead singer Jonathan Davis, Kinky
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Lindsay Lohan/Claire Forlani/Ron and Wine
Thursday, May 6
GODS AND GENERALS- 5:45 PM- HBO
Attention all you closet Civil War Freaks! (including my friend Ger. Hi Ger!) This movie is 225 minutes long! What could a 225 minute film be about? Well, during the Civil War, Union and Confederate soldiers clash at Bull Run, Fredericksburg and Chancellorsville in this prequel to 1993's ``Gettysburg.''. If you dig this kind of stuff check it out, or just watch it to learn something (god forbid).
POLTERGEIST- 7 PM- 5MAX
“Come into the light Carol Ann”. This truly creepy film follows a family who moves into this suburban housing development and the weird things that happen. Zelda Rubinstein plays psychic Tangina (and also showed up in the Cyndi Lauper flick “Vibes”) with the eerie voice. For fun, keep an eye out in the brother’s room for Star Wars toys. Spielberg did that as a sort of in joke. What a prankster. A strange occurance with this movies is that someone always died in real life. In this movie it was the older sister Dominique Dunne, daughter of writer Dominick Dunne who has a series on Court TV.
FRIENDS-8:59 PM- NBC
Ok, so NBC has promoted the hell out of this. And yes, the show has been on a declining slide. However, this show will probably live forever in reruns simply for the fact that, when you overlook the white-washed NYC they live in, it’s just a show about a bunch of goofballs who find solace and friendship in each other, and that’s a universal story. Besides, every time Joey says “How you doin’?”, it cracks me up every. single. time. Anyway, it’s the last show, and being such a tv freak, I always like to see how they wrap things up (of course, LeBlanc is prepping for his spinoff “Joey”, so that’s a storyline ruined, stupid NBC).
CLEOPATRA- 8 PM- AMC
When people sound all sad about the state of Elizabeth Taylor, I am sure they have the picture of her as the title character in this flick in their heads. It cost a fortune and she hooked up with Richard Burton during shooting which caused a stir in the tabloids (think of a Bennifer type stir but back in the day). A classic tho, so if you aren’t into Friends, it is worth checking out.
PICK OF THE NIGHT
EDDIE IZZARD: DRESSED TO KILL- 9 PM- HBO SIGNATURE
The English cross dressing comedian taped a show in San Francisco in ’99. You heard me, cross dressing. Don’t be fooled, this guy is a riot to watch in a Tim Curry kind of way.
The Late Show with David Letterman: Regis Philbin, Diving Dogs, Morgan Spurlock (Supersize Me)
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Show with the cast of "Friends" and Black Eyed Peas
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Bryan Cranston, Arcade basketball champ Jay Kletecka
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Andy Richter
The Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Lauren Holly/Dave Attell/Rooney
Friday, May 7
PICK OF THE NIGHT
GROUNDED FOR LIFE- 9 PM- WB
Brad leaves Lily behind and boards a bus to space camp with his girlfriend Lana (Mila Kunis). The season ender for this series, so catch it because you know the WB will fill this spot all summer with goofy reality shows.
EMMA- 9 PM- HBO SIGNATURE
A Jane Austen book turned into a movie, this stars Gwyneth Paltrow. Things keep getting worse for her after she finds a mate for a young woman in the 1800s. My one roommate makes us watch this every time it’s on, so if you are into Victorian style movies, catch it. It’s also good for guys to watch with their girlfriends to score some points.
PORKY’S- 8 PM- FX
Teenage sexcapades in 1950’s Florida. A frat boy favorite that is sure to get sliced up since it’s not on a pay movie channel.
SCHOOL TIES- 9 PM- ENCOREP
Brendan Fraser hides being Jewish in a WASP-y prep school in the 50’s. Fraser puts out a good performance in this one, made before he was George Of The Jungle, Dudley Do-Right and starred in that flop Bugs Bunny movie. Think maybe he should look back at the drama end of things? Maybe?
48 HOURS- 9:15 PM- MAXP
Eddie Murphy stars in another of his classics, this time spending 2 days with Nick Nolte on a manhunt. Remember when he was funny? This flick was from 1982, how old does that make ya feel, huh?
SLING BLADE-8 PM- STARZC
A mentally impaired man (Billy Bob Thorton) with a violent past befriends a boy and his widowed mother. People think this was Thorton’s first time in the public eye (plus he wrote and directed this), but it’s not. He starred as Billy Bob Davis in the John Ritter-Markie Post sitcom “Hearts Afire”.
The Late Show with David Letterman: Kelsey Grammar, Orchestra Baobob featuring Trey Anastasio & Dave Matthews, Latest Survivor Castoff
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Guests include Anna Nicole Smith
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Actress/author Jenny McCarthy, Dr. Drew Pinsky; Future Talent Showcase performers Moses and Trey Lanham
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Actor Brad Pitt; singer Janet Jackson
The Late, Late Show with Craig Kilborn: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Jamie Foxx/Dave Foley/Hurry-Up Offense/Cooper Temple Clause
Saturday, May 8
HANNINBAL- 8 PM- CBS
The sequel to Silence Of The Lambs has no Jodie Foster and as good a Julianne Moore is in it, it just doesn’t stand up to the first one. However, Ray Liotta is great (I wonder how CBS will censor Liotta eating his own brain) as is Hopkins, as usual. Very, very slow.
QUICK CHANGE- 8 PM- HBOC
Bill Murray, Geena David and Randy Quaid play bank robbers who pull off a great heist but can’t seem to actually get out of New York City. Keep na eye out for Tony Shalhoub, who is now best known as Monk on the same named ABC/USA show about a detective with OCD.
THE PLEDGE- 10 PM- TNT
Jack Nicholson plays a sherrif who pledges (get it?) to find the killer of a little girl the day he is retiring. Can he do it? Find out. Directed by the always under rated Sean Penn. It’s cool that TNT is showing something with some substance for once as opposed to showing Swordfish a thousand times over a weekend.
JACKASS: THE MOVE- 9 PM- SHOWTIME
The Jackass gang are at it again, but this time in movie form. Watch them roll around in mousetraps and other crazy stuff and get paid for it. They bleed all the way to the bank to make you laugh.
TRUE ROMANCE- 9 PM- ATMAX
Another script written by Tarantino but this time directed by Tony Scott. Christian Slater stars as a comic book freak who flees to LA with his wife (Patricia Arquette) and a suitcase full of cocaine. Great performances by Christopher Walken, Bronson “Balki” Pinchot and Val Kilmer as Elvis. My favorite part tho, is Brad Pitt and the honey bear bottle bong.
DARKMAN- 9:35 PM- ACTIONP
Evil Dead alum (and Spiderman too!) Sam Raimi directs this flick about a scientist (Liam Neeson) who is hideously scarred by acid (sort of like Batman’s Two Face but all over) and seeks revenge on the criminals who made him that way. Larry (“Benny” from LA Law) plays the villan and does a 180 from his character of mentally challenged Benny.
PICK OF THE NIGHT
DENNIS MILLER: THE MILLENIUM SPECIAL: 1000 YEARS, 100 LAUGHS- 10:30 PM- HBO Comedy
This special is a riot. Imagine him doing Weekend Update but focusing on 1,000 years of history in 7 chapters. Miller seems to really have fun with this, and Norm McDonald pops up as well.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE—11:30 PM, NBC
Host: Snoop Dogg; Musical guest: Avril Lavigne
Sunday, April 11
HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER’S STONE- 7 PM- ABC
The first movie based on J.K Rowling’s series about an orphaned boy who gets sent to a school to be a wizard. A fun movie to watch with kids that is surprisingly faithful to the book. Directed by a man who knows how to deal with kids, Chris “Adventures In Babysitting” & “Home Alone” Columbus. Daniel Radcliffe, who plays Harry, is a little stiff, but if you were in his position, you’d be a little still and freaked out too. Bravo to ABC for showing this film at an earlier time for all the little kids out there (and us old adults who fall asleep by 10).
GHOST- 8 PM- AMC
Patrick Swayze, Whoopi Goldberg and Demi Moore star in this flick about a yuppie (Swayze) reaching out beyond the grave to his wife (Moore). The ceramic wheel scene is
Either loved or ridiculed. I find it funny and cannot stand hearing “Unchained Melody” unless it is on an episode of Cheers.
MEET THE PARENTS- 8 PM- USA
Ben Stiller usually plays one note characters (nice guy who gets pushed too far and ends up in weird circumstances) and this movie is no different. DeNiro plays Stiller’s soon-to-be father in law, a CIA agent who dislikes him instantly. The funniest parts involve the family cat.
THE SIMPSONS- 8 PM- FOX
Homer and Marge learn they were destined to be together when Homer tells the story of his first kiss. Didn’t they do that in an episode of Who’s The Boss when Tony and Angela tell the stories of their first kiss at camp? Jeez.
PICK OF THE NIGHT
THE SOPRANOS-9 PM- HBO
Tony B. and Christopher unearth some old memories; Tony and Carmela plan another party; Janice is sent to anger management therapy. If you are familiar with this show at all, the idea of someone in anger management is just hysterical.
THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION- 7 PM- FX
Based on Stephen King’s novella “Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption” (it appeared in a book called “Different Seasons” that also had a novella called “The Body” that turned into the film “Stand By Me” and another one called “Apt Pupil” that was turned into a film by the same name), this flick chronicles a man’s (Tim Robbins) double life sentence for a crime he did not commit and the friend he makes in fellow inmate Morgan Freeman. The movie is pretty faithful to the novella and is directed by Green Mile alum Fran Darabont. However it is long to begin with so it must be waicked long to be on a station with commercials.
WHITE MEN CAN’T JUMP- 8 PM- ESPN CLASSIC
Two basketball hustlers count on the myth from the title to cash in on a basketball tournament. Woody Harrelson plays a great hustler, the first movie he made that went against his “Woody from Cheers” character, and Rosie Perez is hysterical as his girlfriend who is obsessed with getting on the game show Jeopardy.
THE 25TH HOUR- 8 PM- STARZC
Ed Norton stars in the flick about a guy going to jail and saying goodbye to all his family and friends. This Spike Lee directed pile of crap could have been so much better but Lee leaves so many potential stories hanging in the wind. There is just no way to say it politely so I’ll say it like this: this movie could be so much better it literally makes me angry. Also keep an eye out for former NFL star Tony Siragusa.
SCOTLAND, PA- 8:35 PM- SUNDAEP
A retelling of MacBeth set in 1975 starring James LeGros (one of my favorite indy actors), Maura “Lisa from NewsRadio” Tierney and Kevin Corrigan. Corrigan is also in another film called Living In Oblivion (and a cast member of the WB’s show Grounded For Life as well as a playwrite) that anyone who has ever worked in film needs to see. But back to the point at hand, this film is neat to watch as it is played as not so much a tragedy but a dark comedy.
OnDemand Picks
MR SHOW- HBO ON DEMAND
HBO is trotting out 6 great episodes of Mr. Show for your viewing pleasure. If you aren’t familiar with this awesome show starring Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, check it out. I promise you’ll fall over laughing.
CHASING AMY- STARZ ON DEMAND
Kevin’s 3rd movie (and second real studio effort) is featured this month. Because you can never get enough Jason Lee!
THE ROBE- STARZ ON DEMAND
This one is a favorite of my mom (Hey Rita!). They show it once a year around easter on ABC and she always misses it. It follows a Roman tribune who supervises the Crucifixion and later converts to Christianity. If you dig movies like The Ten Commandments, you’ll like this.
THE LOST BOYS- CINEMAX ON DEMAND
Two teenagers move to a coastal town that is populated y vampires. This film is littered with teen stars of the 80’s like Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, Jason Patric and Jami Getz to name a few. Plus, it’s a fun goofy vampire movie. What more can you ask for?
GAMBLING- THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC CHANNEL ON DEMAND
A look through 5 countries and they way they gamble from cock fighting (stop snickering!) to day trading and the ups and downs that come along with it.
REAL WORLD: L.A- MTV ON DEMAND
The second season of The Real World went to L.A in 1993 where we meet Dom, the irish writer, Jon the country singer who wears cowboy boots to the beach, Tami and David, who became the first person booted off a reality show. What an accomplishment, huh?
PC PIONEERS- TECH TV ON DEMAND
Interviews with some of the men and women who paved the way for the technology we use today. Meaning, of course, free music and porn.
HOT DOGS UNWRAPPED- FOOD TV ON DEMAND
Unfortunately, they don’t revel the “real” secret ingredient of hot dogs, toes and hooves. Hosted by Marc “I was the original host of Double Dare” Summers.
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