By Chris Ryall
Monday, January 9, 2006
CRITICS' CHOICE AWARDS -- 8 PM, WB
Dennis Miller finally gets a gig again on a channel that people actually watch. And since that alone is not enough to get people to watch this awards show, George Clooney gets honored here, too.
EMILY'S REASONS WHY NOT -- 9 PM, ABC
Debut: How about Chris's Reasons Why Not. Here's one: I've seen the pilot. Despite the presence of Heather Graham, it was just way to "chick show" for me, and not in a good way.
FOR THE LOVE OF A CHILD -- 9 PM, Lifetime
Teri (Polo) and Peri (Gilpin) are the latest Lifetime casualties. You might find this hard to believe, but this movie is about women and babies in peril. Not ones to step outside their comfort level, Lifetime.
THE BACHELOR: PARIS -- 10 PM, ABC
Season Premiere: Yeah, maybe the City of Lights can help save this floundering show. Then again, maybe the location was never the problem in the first place.
THERE & BACK -- 10:30 PM, MTV
Debut: Wanna watch one of the guys from O-Town try to recapture his former "fame"? Even when the guy's name is Ashley Parker Angel? Yeah, me, neither.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: James Risen
The Late Show with David Letterman: Albert Brooks
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Lil' Wayne
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: TBD
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Marisa Coughlan, David Gray. House band, Max & The Attack
Tuesday, January 10
THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS -- 9 PM, CBS
Yeah, we know what the "people" choose. ACCORDING TO JIM and not ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. With apologies to the show's host, Craig Ferguson, not much that the "people" like is appealing to actual people.
SCRUBS -- 9 PM, NBC
Two more new back to back episodes tonight really clues me in that NBC's just burning out this season. Then again, the first couple episodes also had that feeling of "senioritis," like they were pressing a bit hard. Which still makes it better than 90% of the other shows on this week.
SUPERNATURAL -- 9 PM, WB
Cigarette Smoking Man guest-stars on the show tonight. Which means I'm out--I still haven't forgiven him for fixing those four Super Bowls that the Bills lost.
BEYOND THE BULL -- 9 PM, TLC
Debut: This new series looks at bullfighters after they attempt their eight seconds. Expect to see lots of ice packs and guys walking funny.
BOSTON LEGAL -- 10 PM, ABC
Marty McFly stops by to spar with Denny Crane for three weeks. And in case that's not enough guest-stars for you, Joanna Cassidy is here this week, too.
THE SHIELD -- 10 PM, FX
Season Premiere: Glenn Close may be far away now, but I seriously doubt that her departure will mellow Mackay much. Quite the contrary, actually, and now Forest Whitaker is here to witness this for himself.
DISTRACTION -- 10 PM, Comedy
Season Premiere: The second season of this game show that tries to distract you while asking you trivia questions starts up again here. I don't think clothespins to the face would be distracting, but then again, I say that clothespin-free.
MIAMI INK -- 10 PM, TLC
Season Premiere: No, this isn't a show about all the newspaper articles focusing on Shaq or Diddy, it's another tattoo show. I'm waiting for a crossover with Fox's PRISON BREAK.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Albert Brooks
The Late Show with David Letterman: Scarlett Johansson, Imogen heap
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Joaquin Phoenix, Alanis Morisette
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: Quentin Tarantino, John Daly
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Ron Howard
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Seth Meyers, Amos Lee. House band, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy
Wednesday, January 11
SOUTH BEACH -- 8 PM, UPN
Debut: I couldn't quite muster up any enthusiasm for a pilot review of this J-Lo produced (riiight) show when I saw it last summer, if that tells you anything about it or its now-midseason-replacement status.
LOST -- 9 PM, ABC
The show is back new, and tonight, Mr. Eko, who has a name as cool as his voice, gets his story told.
STUNT JUNKIES -- 10 PM, Discovery
Debut: These stunt men might think they're cool, but they're not as cool as Chuck Norris. After all, Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
HAM ON THE STREET -- 10:30 PM, Food
Debut: Chef George Duran does his "Jaywalking" thing, asking people on the street questions about cooking. Most replies end in "microwave."
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Peter Bergen
The Late Show with David Letterman: Queen Latifah, Bob Sarlatte
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Steve Carell, Anthony Hamilton
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: LL Cool J, John Daly
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Diane Farr, Big Boi. House band, Joe Firstman
Thursday, January 12
WILL AND GRACE -- 8 PM, NBC
The show goes live for a second time, although I'd be willing to bet that there are a lot less live people watching this one than the previous one. Live or on tape, it's time to go.
SMALLVILLE -- 8 PM, WB
Well, let's officially get the betting pool going on who buys it in episode 100. All signs point to Chloe (she knows Clark's secret, she's not from the comics, she has a huge bulls-eye painted on her forhead), but maybe we'll be surprised and it'll be Jonathan. Politics are murder, after all, even in Kansas.
BEAUTY AND THE GEEK -- 9 PM, WB
Season Premiere: The Kutcher-produced show is back, and I have to say, for a reality show, this one's kinda charming. I still won't watch, but at least I won't cringe when I flip past it.
Reader Recommendation of the Week!
TOUCHING EVIL -- 9 PM, BBC America
Reader Jim B. writes: "I'm a long time reader of the site, and I've always enjoyed your TV Recommendations column - I wanted to pass along a recommendation along to you. This Thursday, the first season of the English mystery/thriller series Touching Evil is being shown on BBCAmerica. Perhaps you've seen it before when it was on PBS back in '98 or '99, or saw the US remake that was on USA a year or two ago, which was good, but didn't reach the same levels of intensity as the original. But, if you haven't seen it, check it out. At least watch the first night to watch Ian McDiarmid play a geneticist with a penchant for lethal experiments on human subjects, who is just as evil as the Emperor."
FLIGHT ATTENDANT SCHOOL -- 9 PM, Travel
Debut: Sometimes, political correctness even ruins TV show titles. You and I both know "Stewardess School" has a much better ring, the same way "Trash Man School" sounds better than "Sanitation Engineer School."
THE OFFICE -- 9:30 PM, NBC
Never mind "Denny Crane." All week long, I find myself saying "Dwight Schrute" over and over.
CRUMBS -- 9:30 PM, ABC
Debut: If there's any justice, audiences won't let ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT be ripped off this blatantly, and this poorly, and choose to watch the "butthead" from THE WONDER YEARS and the Conehead Mom embarass themselves like this.
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart: Matthew Broderick
The Late Show with David Letterman: Kiefer Sutherland, Alicia Keys
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Emma Thompson, Sugarland
The Jimmy Kimmel Show:
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Emily Proctor
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Rulon Gardner, Sean Paul. House band, North Mississippi Allstars
Friday, January 13
BEN 10 -- 9 PM, Cartoon
Debut: A preview of yet another Americanime cartoon that starts running in its regular spot of 10 AM tomorrow. Can't imagine the same audience is watching at 9 PM tonight, but what do I know?
THE BOOK OF DANIEL -- 10 PM, NBC
Don't worry, Arkansas and Indiana, you're not missing all that much. Sucks to not be allowed to decide for yourself though, eh?
MONK -- 10 PM, USA
Season Premiere: Everyone's favorite OCD-afflicted private dick is back for a fifth season, so go wash up five or twelve times and get ready for more.
IN THE MOMENT -- 10 PM, CMT
The cameras follow around former AMERICAN IDOL Bo Bice as he records his CD. So at least he'll have a record to prove to his kids that he was once allowed to record music.
The Late Show with David Letterman: Tom Cavanagh, Jake Johannsen
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno: Jake Gyllenhaal, Steve Irwin
The Jimmy Kimmel Show: TBD
Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Dwight Yoakam
The Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson: TBD
Last Call with Carson Daly: Quentin Tarantino, Mat Kearney. House band, Joe Firstman
Saturday, January 14
ROBOT BOY -- 9 AM, Cartoon
Debut: It's kinda like an animatd version of Spielberg's A.I. Although even sight unseen, I can guarantee you that every episode will have a better ending than that movie.
DALLAS COWBOYS CHEERLEADERS SWIMSUIT CALENDAR -- 11:30 AM, ESPN2
Hey, all you hardcore face-painting, beer-swilling football fans in Big D, here's a special all about women you can get close to, assuming you buy the right ticket, but will never have a chance at.
H.G. WELLS' WAR OF THE WORLDS -- 9 PM, Sci Fi
Man, I hope this remake, starring SOUL MAN and hopefully set in the late 1800s like Wells' novel, has better special effects than the last couple Sci Fi movies. I'm all for cheesy effects, but the giant CGI bugs recently made even people who do CGI on a Commodore 64 laugh out loud.
AUSTIN CITY LIMITS -- 9 PM, PBS
That harmonica-blowing skinny fat man John Popper and his band, BLUES TRAVELER, who're still good despite my little dig at his stomach stapling, play here tonight, and so does CAFE TACUBA.
HU$TLE -- 10 PM, AMC
Debut: I always hate when they use symbols in place of letters, but since this Brit drama stars The MAN From U.N.C.L.E., I'll forgive it.
TOP 10 -- 10 PM, TVLand
This hour-long special looks at the very best ALL IN THE FAMILY episodes. And if it serves to whet your appetite for the show, there're 48 hours of episodes playing here all weekend.
FRESH BAKED VIDEO GAMES -- 12 AM, Spike
Debut: Spike takes a shot at SNL with this ROBOT CHICKEN-esque affair of animated vignettes and pranks.
SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE -- 11:30 PM, NBC
Host: Scarlett Johannson; Musical guest: Death Cab for Cutie
Sunday, January 15
IF ONLY -- 7 PM, ABC Family
Yeah, I'll tell you about an "if only," Jennifer Love Hewitt (who stars here). If only you'd never dated that complete tool Carson Daly, you might still be on my top 5 list. But you just can't wash off the stink of loser once you've got it on you.
24 -- 8 PM, Fox
Season Premiere: Part 1 of the 22-part, 78-hour season premiere starts here. But if you want the full story on Jack Bauer's return, you also need the prequel in the DVD set, the downloadable iTunes vignette, the special coded ringtone, the between-seasons novelization and the prose section in next week's TV Guide. For starters.
JESSE STONE: NIGHT PASSAGE -- 9 PM, CBS
I know Magnum, P.I. didn't lose many cases, and Tom Selleck might still be cool and all (FRIENDS and MR. BASEBALL aside), but he's about to get stomped by Jack Bauer and company, for at least the first hour of his movie.
THE L WORD -- 10 PM, Showtime
I think guest-star Alan Cumming might have better luck on QUEER AS FOLK, actually, but really, whatever he does, I just hope he manages to work in an appearance as Kurt Wagner in X3, but it's not looking too likely. Unglaublitch!
All show times Pacific Standard Time and all opinions are having a worse day than Jack Bauer.
Chris Ryall
E-MAIL THE AUTHOR |
ARCHIVES
