April 9th, 2004.
By Kendra Hibbert
Yes it's true - this is the last Forest of Dead Trees column. To counter-phrase the oft quoted Twain - 'The rumors of its death are greatly accurate'. From now on those trees will be just a little more dead, which fortunately due to the nature of death, won't make too much difference to the state of said trees, nor the way in which the pulp and paper industry processes them to make pulp and paperback books.
Before continuing I think I should just state now my leaving this column in no way reflects my thoughts about this site or any of the people on it. My life has just gotten really busy lately and that dead treed forest looms larger and larger on the horizon of burdensome problems I must deal with every other week so rather than continue with the column and lose the passion and objectiveness I've tried to put into the reviews I've decided to quit now while I'm (arguably) ahead in order to pursue more creative avenues. Could be those avenues produce something in the next few years or could be I fade into obscurity never to be heard of again, but the fact remains right now my thoughts/enthusiasms lie elsewhere and continuing this column would be detrimental to everyone.
"But Kendra," I can hear you asking (and you sound just like those voices in my head), "How will I know which books to read in the future?"
Well, dear Reader, that is what this last column is for. I have compiled a list of things to look for in distinguishing books that suck from books that don't so you'll be able to spend your time and money reading those great dead trees of the future that are mere saplings today. Here now is a list of 5 things to watch for when looking for good new books:
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1.) Neil Gaiman - seriously everything this man is involved in kicks major butt. Recently there was THACKERY T. LAMBSHED'S POCKET GUIDE TO ECCENTRIC AND DISCREDITED DISEASES and last year was the much celebrated MCSWEENEY'S MAMMOTH TREASURY OF THRILLING TALES. It seems like these days whenever anyone thinks up a great idea for a collaboration Gaiman's on the top of the list. For that matter keep your eyes open for anything by Alan Moore. His novel VOICE OF FIRE came out this January and was as strange and experimental as his comics writing - and surprise! Neil Gaiman writes the introduction for it. In fact, just as a general rule of thumb if you like a certain comic writer, check out what else he/she is up to in other genres. Quite a few of them are dipping their fingers in the world of literature and generally the crossovers are nothing if not interesting.
2) Anything put out by McSweeney's is a sure bet for some great reading. I've said this before in this column but it bares repeating - their quarterly is hands down the most intelligent and consistently interesting literary magazine being published today. If, however, you have tried McSweeney's publications and decided it's not you're cup of mocha, find and publisher you do like and check out what else they put out. Though the big guys (HarperCollins, Doubleday, Random House, etc.) tend to put out whatever genre they think will sell the smaller presses usually have a certain mandate to what they publish. If you dig their mandate check out their website, usually you can get on a mailing list for their upcoming titles. In fact even the larger publishing houses have smaller subsidiaries which specialize in certain books. Keep checking their upcoming titles and see if there's anything that sparks your interest.
3) The above method is also an excellent way to discover new and non-mainstream writers, which, if nothing else, gives you the coveted I'm-more-cool-than-you-are reading advantage over your friends. Now I'm not saying every single new author is going to blow your mind, in fact I'm the first to admit that the world would be a better place if some of the undiscovered talent out there remained undiscovered. However, there is a much larger likelihood of your mind being blown with a book by a new writer publishing under a small press than, say, Tom Clancy's 41st novel about Jack Ryan. Small bookstores and local magazine shops are also a great place to browse for new authors.
4) Or if you prefer not to leave the house there's tons of written material online and not just 'Xena and Hercules' fan fiction either - I'm talking e-books. If you have an e-book reader or don't mind reading off your computer screen or don't mind printing off 200+ pages of a novel so you can read in the traditional way, there's tons of places in cyberspace to download this cheap format. The 'net is also a great place to learn about good books - like on message boards or blogs. And like everything cyber-ish it's near instant gratification - like say you're on the Moviepoopshoot message board and DarthMaul69 says: "I just read LETHAL SEDUCTION by Jackie Collins and it's da bomb! Snootchie Boochies!:)"
Just put "Lethal Seduction" and/or "Jackie Collins e-book" into your favorite search engine and noitch - it's right there. Simple as pie.
5) Contrary to popular belief, you can judge a book by its cover. Though this point of view is not usually accepted by elementary school teachers and the authors of the CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE SOUL books, it is a great way to browse for titles you might like in the local book store. Think about it - you go into a bookstore, see a picture you like on the cover of a book (usually a partially naked individual of the opposite/same sex) pick it up off the shelf and the next thing you know you're reading the back cover, then the inside flap, then the introduction and bam! - you're hooked and all because you judged that book by its cover.
It can go the other way too - like say you spot a rock bio in the new releases section of your local bookstore with a picture of your favorite musician on the front and you think to yourself - 'Hey, Vanilla Ice has a book out - I wonder if it's any good?'
Before you start plopping down any more money on the artist currently known as Robert Van Winkle look at the cover and ask yourself these three questions:
a) Are there bright and/or neon colors anywhere?
b) Are there any gaudily fonted sensationalized words printed on the cover (ie - 'unauthorized' or 'now with ten more never-before-seen pictures')?
c) If it's a paperback, does the cover have raised lettering on it?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, put the book down and walk away. Chances are you'll get more intelligent writing reading Archie Digest.
So that's it. Those are my secrets. And now they're your secrets and you can tell two friends and they can tell two friends and pretty soon no one will ever have the need for a literary critic ever again, putting me out of a job which is why I'm quitting now to beat the rush...
...but not before I thank some people first like Chris Ryall and Ming and everyone who ever helped me out at the site - and of course Cap'n OG Readmore for starting my fascination with reading with those ABC Afterschool Specials all those years ago.
But first and foremost thanks to all of you who have been reading this column from the beginning and especially thanks to everyone who wrote me over the year and a half plus. I'll treasure your e-mails always - or until the virus someone sends me erases the memory on my computer - but rest assured I appreciate you taking the time to write.
Thank you again, and good-bye.
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