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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









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FOREST OF DEAD TREES

By Kendra Hibbert

June 27, 2003

A funny thing happened on my way to writing this column about Hillary Rodham Clinton’s new book LIVING HISTORY (which I said I’d be reviewing this week at the end of last column) – I completely lost interest in the trials and tribulations of this Martha Stewart clone and her cigar-probing husband’s battle with evil right-wing conspirators during their tenure in the White House. So I didn’t finish the book, but I will provide you with a 50-word review of it:

Hillary Rodham Clinton was born in blah, blah, blah. She got married, her husband cheated on her, she became governor of New York. Save time -- skip this book and watch her interview on Larry King if you want to know everything she has to say about her First Lady hardships.

And now, to move on to the book review you’re really looking for HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX, the fifth book in the unbelievably popular series following the adventures of a boy wizard and his dealings with the dark wizard Voldemort.
With each book in the series gaining page count, it’s hard to imagine what the sixth in the series might look like as this one clocks in at a robust 768 pages (compared to Mrs. Clinton’s scrawny 576), but as always, J. K. Rowling keeps the action tight and the mystery shadowy so the sizeable page count in no way indicates a tendency for tediousness, nor does it signify an endeavor to fool her readers into believing they’re getting what they pay for simply based on sheer volume of words alone. Rowling delivers with this book, as she has done in the past, an imaginative adventure that builds on the enormous mythos she has created with the previous four Potter books.

However, if you have not yet read any of the Potter books and are considering this one as your first foray into the world, I strongly suggest you start at the beginning or at least book 2 or 3. Once she gets started, Rowling doesn’t stop to explain herself or her characters at all during her narrative, assuming (rightfully so, considering the phenomenon surrounding these books) that everyone reading knows these characters intimately already. I would even suggest to those who have read the previous books to refresh their memory on the events of young Harry’s life, particularly book four of the series (GOBLET OF FIRE) since the events in ORDER OF THE PHOENIX follow along the same story line.

In this episode of the series, Harry’s 15 years old – approaching manhood – and that means he’s forced to deal with a lot of the problems in his life alone. For most of the novel, Harry’s usual adult friends and allies in the fight against evil are missing in action or else so caught up in their own problems they’re unable to be there to offer Harry advice. Meanwhile, over the summer, the local Wizarding newspaper has been circulating rumors about the sanity of our young hero and questioning the validity of his claim that ‘The One Who Cannot Be Named’ has returned from the dead. Harry no longer has the support of his teachers and peers. In this book the bad guys are the ones running Hogwarts, previously the one safe place Harry could count on in his life. Harry (with Ron and Hermione, of course) must fight the power to save Hogwarts and the world (Wizards and Muggles alike) and get the good guys back on top.

Our little Harry’s growing up now and noticing girls. Better yet, girls are noticing him. Though his wand stays in his pocket, Harry does have a brief romantic interlude with a character we’ve seen before (though she may not be who you think) – yet another indication that Harry’s on his way to becoming a man. He’s not a man yet, though – he’s still suffering from hormonal changes, meaning he’s moody – but are these normal growing pains or the sinister Lord Voldemort using his powerful evil influence over Harry’s mind? Will young Harry tempted by the dark side?

Like each successive installment of this series, the stakes are higher for Harry in Book 5. This is why, I believe, these books kick so much ass. With the money she made on the first book it would have been entirely possible for J.K. Rowling to sit back and retire, write a few half-hearted sequels and watch her steadily dwindling popularity. Instead, she has chosen to plot out a larger storyline for her characters, which, over the course of seven books, will tell an epic chronicle of good vs. evil as it narrates the coming of age of a young outcast destined to fulfill his destiny as a prophesized savior. Rowling is the George Lucas of this generation and has managed to sustain her mythos for five episodes and still seem like she isn’t selling out (that’s two more installments than her predecessor accomplished). Perhaps in 20 years, after this current series is done, she’ll come back to this world and write an ill conceived prequel but until then, as this book shows, Rowling is still writing for the love of it.

Next Column: July is Retro Sci-fi novel month here in the Forest of Dead Trees. In honor of such an occasion I’ll be discussing Issac Asimov and reviewing his classic book FOUNDATION. Pop quizzes to follow.

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Addicted to Bad
by Patrick Keller

International Intrigue
by Alison Veneto

Nocturnal Admissions
by D.K. Holm

Strange Impersonation
by Kim Morgan

Trailer Park
by Christopher Stipp




New DVD Releases
for April 11, 2006

DVD Diatribe
by D.K. Holm

DVD Late Show
by Christopher Mills




Preachin' from the Longbox
by Britt Schramm

Should It Be a Movie?
by Marc Mason

New Comic Book Releases
for April 12, 2006, 2006




New CD Releases
for April 11, 2006

Music for the Masses
by M.C. Bell




TV Recommendations
Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
by Scott Bowden

TV Pilot Review Archives
by Chris Ryall



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