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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









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FOREST OF DEAD TREES

By Kendra Hibbert

April 4, 2003

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again - I am a nerd. My affection for sci-fi, comics and animation has (I’m sure like many of you) always prevented me from getting invited to the ‘cool’ parties or hanging out with the ‘in’ crowd – which I’ve learned to live with as I’d rather be watching Star Wars for the 500th time than listening to the Backstreet Boys in some noisy meat market of a club overcrowded with people who are at least 20 times better looking than I am.

I speak nerd with a slight Star Wars-ian accent – that is my nerdish leanings have always tilted slightly toward that galaxy far, far away. However, despite my devotion to the Lucas-verse (yes even including Episodes I and II) I’ve never quite been able to get into the Star Wars books. But, because of my dedication to my loyal reader(s) I thought I’d give this sci-fi sub-genre a second chance with the newest book to come out of the Star Wars universe TATOOINE GHOST.

TATOOINE GHOST is written by Troy Denning, whose previous works include a trilogy of books called RETURN TO ARCHWIZARDS as well as a few other tomes that take place in the Star Wars universe including the New York Times bestseller STAR BY STAR. My guess is Denning is a nerd like me – albeit perhaps one who likes the fantasy genre a little more than I do. Despite knowing this potentially damaging information about the author before I picked up this book, I tried as best I could to maintain an unbiased outlook for the sake of this review (i.e. I’ll save my anti-fantasy literature diatribe for another column).

Instead of existing in the Prequel-verse like most recent Star Wars books, TATOOINE GHOST goes back (or forward in time) to the post-Empire universe a few years after the second Death Star has blown up. Darth Vader and the Emperor may be out of the picture but agents of the Empire are still lurking around and still trying to stomp out our favourite Rebels (for anyone paying attention to the timeline, the events of this book are pre-second generation Jedi twins but after Han and Leia’s marriage).

This book sees Leia, Han and our favourite Wookie return to Tatooine to bid on a piece of priceless Alderaanian art which not only holds sentimental value to the Princess but also hides the key codes the Rebels use to communicate with their spies within the Empire. While incognito on the desert planet they run into some Imperial trouble and discover a strange holographic cube with the image of a certain human Podracer whom Leia soon realizes is none other than the boy-who-would-be-Darth-Vader. Before the good guys can acquire their artwork, it is stolen by an old friend of Anakin Skywalker, Kitster, and the chase across the planet begins. Along the way Leia discovers more and more about the man she now knows was her Father by reading the diary of her grandmother Shmi Skywalker. Thus classic Star Wars characters (Han, Leia, and Chewie) are linked to the new Star Wars generation.

My biggest problem with this particular book is that there’s really nothing new here. I don’t know the specifics of what Lucas allows the writers of these books to get away with as far as making up stuff goes but if this book is any indication, it’s evidently not much. Basically half of TATOOINE GHOST is a reaffirmation of Han and Leia’s love for one another and the other half is Leia discovering what happened to Anakin during Episode I and II. I realize the prequels weren’t that popular but how is reading about Leia discovering the events of these two movies any more fun than just watching these films yourself?

As with most of volumes of this series this book reads more like a Greatest Hits of the Star Wars movies rather than a story that can exist on its own. Remember when Han and Luke strapped themselves into the gunners of the Millennium Falcon and took on a fleet of Tie-Fighters – well you can re-live that moment again in this book only it’s Han and Leia doing the blasting. Remember when little Anakin Pod-raced the Boonta Eve Classic, well now you can relive all the fast paced excitement of the chase only this time it’s Han flying a swoop bike through those same canyons.

There is a slight Dune-ish quality to the Star Wars novels that I like – political intrigue and histories between species that keep subtext thick and tensions high but it’s still not enough to convert me to a fan of these books. I’m not one to deny a geek his/her pleasures so I will say that if you like these novels you will probably like TATOOINE GHOST – it seems to be in keeping with the quality of the rest of the series – but then you’ll probably read (or have already read) this book whether I like it or not. But if, like me, you’re not a previous fan of this series, this book is not the one that’s going to change your mind about it.

Next Column: In the greatest literary team-up since Edgar Allen Poe and Franz Kafka (okay they never teamed up – but imagine if they did) Michael Chabon has edited a book of short stories for McSweeney’s called MCSWEENEY’S MAMMOTH TREASURY OF THRILLING TALES – and I’m going to read it for you so you don’t have to. Be here in two weeks to find out all the details.

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Addicted to Bad
by Patrick Keller

International Intrigue
by Alison Veneto

Nocturnal Admissions
by D.K. Holm

Strange Impersonation
by Kim Morgan

Trailer Park
by Christopher Stipp




New DVD Releases
for April 11, 2006

DVD Diatribe
by D.K. Holm

DVD Late Show
by Christopher Mills




Preachin' from the Longbox
by Britt Schramm

Should It Be a Movie?
by Marc Mason

New Comic Book Releases
for April 12, 2006, 2006




New CD Releases
for April 11, 2006

Music for the Masses
by M.C. Bell




TV Recommendations
Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
by Scott Bowden

TV Pilot Review Archives
by Chris Ryall



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