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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









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FOREST OF DEAD TREES

By Kendra Hibbert

March 21, 2003

As I wrote last column, the non-book reviewing facets of my life are threatening to consume the FOREST OF DEAD TREES column and damn me to a life of non-novel-reading hell. Rather than surrender to the forces of evil I have decided instead to cut down the amount of time I dedicate to this column by reading and reviewing only one book for the next few months and try to keep the literary subject matter to the fluffy easy-to-read variety rather than the WAR AND PEACE and/or Noam Chomsky thickly paginated, cerebral variety. What better way to launch this semi-sabbatical than with John Grisham’s new novel KING OF TORTS.

The Grisham literary empire has spawned a plethora of legal thrillers which have a tendency to be made into movies starring some aging Hollywood heartthrob hoping to add a serious role to his portfolio before moving on to a post-30something career. KING OF TORTS is no exception. It looked like Grisham was broadening his horizons with his non-law related SKIPPING CHRISTMAS and A PAINTED HOUSE but with this novel he has returned to his roots. This most recent release tackles the ups and downs of the Tort lawyer – those of the profession dealing with class action suits – the kind that tackle big tobacco, fraudulent diet pill manufacturers, car companies who put virtual death traps on the road, etc. These are the biggest of the big lawyers and the sleaziest of the breed. While it may seem like these are the good guys - protecting the regular Joe from Pharmaceutical companies that knowingly release a dangerous product on the market – the Tort lawyer is actually the one who stands to make the most money off the pain and suffering of people. Depending on the number of clients and the percentage of the lawyer fees these guys can make upwards of $200 million a year.

The protagonist of this novel - our supposed hero - is Clay Carter, a lawyer in the Washington D.C. area who starts off in a $30,000-a-year job at the Public Defenders Office. He stumbles onto a strange murder case and while snooping around is about to discover a dark hidden secret about the drug his client was prescribed when suddenly he’s handed a chance of a lifetime – the opportunity to leave this life of “poverty” behind and live the big life as a Tort lawyer so long as he can convince the families of the poor murder victims to take a huge cash settlement offered by the pharmaceutical company in exchange for their silence. Carter, who’s been itching for the chance to leave what he considers a humiliating job for a chance at the big time and an opportunity to impress the parents of his rich girlfriend (who recently called for a time-out in the relationship), jumps into the new profession with vigor and is soon handed another lucrative class action suit by a mysterious Deep Throat like man named Max Pace. The suit lands him $110 million in lawyer’s fees, Carter is crowned “Rookie of the Year” and the “King of Torts” by the newspapers and is soon on a rollercoaster ride through the greed filled Tort game.

Here’s the problem I had with the story – Clay is a lawyer who starts off nice enough, honestly trying to find a way to get his poor former junkie client a reduced sentence for a murder he felts compelled to commit because of the faulty drug he was prescribed. But as soon as he’s given a chance to screw his client and run away with a huge chunk of cash he does. He becomes a Tort Lawyer and while at first he’s disgusted by his colleagues who spend $40 million on their own private jet, he soon falls into their trap, spending way too much money and screwing over lots of people in the process. And what does he get for his sins? Everything he wanted. (I’m not giving away the plot here folks, it’s a Grisham novel - of course it’s going to end happily) Sure there is the inevitable downfall of Clay’s career as a Tort Lawyer but everything he wanted at the beginning of the book is handed to him effortlessly by the end. Meanwhile, because of him and his greedy, cut-throat exploits, an entire town is laid off and a man who was finally getting his life back in order after years of drug abuse is still sitting behind bars, completely unaware that the drug he was taking made him temporary insane.

I have really nothing against dark endings and I don’t necessarily believe all characters in novels should receive karmic backlash for their evil deeds but Grisham specifically mentions Carter’s pangs of regret when he thinks back on his rise to power signifying perhaps that his leading man might somehow make up for his evil ways. The fact that Carter doesn’t suggests that maybe Grisham got tired of writing and decided to just wrap everything up in a nice happy ending without the hard work of having to write his character through the torture of penance.

Make no mistake this is a good light book but nothing that inspires a new way of living or even a brief moment of contemplative pondering. In fact it’s the fluffiness of the book and the morality tale-like structure of the story that sets up the unsatisfying ending. If you’re going to go through all the motions of telling a typical story with a predictable plot-line at least follow it through to the end and give the audience what they’re expecting to read. To do anything less is just heaping laziness upon laziness.

Like Peter Benchley, Grisham has based his career around writing pretty much the same novel again and again and again. RAINMAKER is THE FIRM is THE CLIENT is KING OF TORTS more or less. But people seem to like him and I guess if you enjoy reading about lawyers Grisham’s your man. KING OF TORTS is a fast read and something to pass time on your hour and half daily public transportation trips – but if you’re looking for groundbreaking stuff or even a central character you can feel sorry for, look elsewhere my friend.

Next Column: I just can’t seem to stay away from the Sci-fi novels – this time I’m tackling the newest Star Wars novel TATOOINE GHOST. Come back in two weeks to see if it’s worth the $20+ hardcover price.

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by Alison Veneto

Nocturnal Admissions
by D.K. Holm

Strange Impersonation
by Kim Morgan

Trailer Park
by Christopher Stipp




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by Britt Schramm

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by Marc Mason

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for April 11, 2006

Music for the Masses
by M.C. Bell




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by Scott Bowden

TV Pilot Review Archives
by Chris Ryall



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