By A.K.
January 29, 2003
Each week, Diamond Comics posts the New Comics Release List------ -- a weekly list of comics coming to a store near you this Wednesday.
Here, we have a snapshot of comics as they truly are, in all their Glory and their Gory.
Hey, this may be old news; even still: Rob G, the artist of a great book called TEENAGERS FROM MARS which I think I’ve talked about before and the upcoming COURIERS -- his apartment and all of his belongings, including a great deal of art, got destroyed in an apartment fire last week. There’s a PayPal area at Newsarama where charitable folks can help the guy out.. (Apparently, the COURIERS release is unaffected since the art was scanned, but still, since sale of original art is a big source of revenue for artists, I would guess; it’s a pretty awful bit of news, so… if you’re the type who helps, please do…)
LEGAL DISCLAIMER
The opinions contained within do not reflect those of Kevin Smith or any other member of the Movie Poop Shoot staff--- -- past, present or future--- -- including possibly the author's own, and should not be taken too seriously.
We had a pretty important telephone call at work today. I’m an attorney, and our office does business and entertainment litigation. But are we usually called by the WRITER OF THE OSCAR-WINNING A BEAUTIFUL MIND? Yeah, he called us up -- it’s not every day an Oscar-winning writer calls your office, asking you to sue someone. And he told us how he also wrote all of Limp Bizkit’s music. And Kid Rock’s. Which is amazing that he could find time to do that and write THE SIXTH SENSE, don’t you think? But I guess when you’re a spy for the Secret Service, hey, man -- you learn how to multitask.
Oh, for a second, we doubted that the guy on the phone had really done all those things, but he insisted everyone in Hollywood knew. He said, all we had to do was call up and ask Tom Cruise or Julia Roberts, and they’d give us the straight dope. Just had to call their asses up on the TELEPHONE. Unfortunately, his case was too big for our office to handle. We got referred by Johnnie Cochran, apparently? John-John just overestimates us, I guess, but that’s to be expected…
You know, I never really wondered what crazy-ass people thought of A BEAUTIFUL MIND, but apparently, it’s not “Oh, I recognize myself or my struggles on the screen” like you might imagine. It’s more like “Dude, I wrote this shit!”
INTRODUCTION
I’m trying to wrap my head around the comic news this week… A lot of good news this week, the above to the contrary. Which doesn’t leave much for the funny, but… here we are, anyway. Let’s take a look at a series of quotes from around the comic world…
“I'm real happy…I don't know about awards. I mean, if a film like FORREST GUMP can win the Academy Award, how much can they mean? But I'm happy for the people who made it. They're very, very nice, they're bright, they're talented. If I had contact with people like that every day, I wouldn't be depressed and everything." – Harvey Pekar on the movie about him and his autobiographical comic book, AMERICAN SPLENDOR. The movie version won the the grand prize as the best feature in the 2003 Sundance Film Festival.
Snobby: I’m happier when serious movies based on comics do well than, you know, when SPIDER-MAN does well -- a ROAD TO PERDITION or GHOST WORLD. I don’t know -- I was watching the Super Bowl commercials, and all the previews for movies -- when did you start needing a Ph.D in Nerd to go to the movies? The ads were all for movies I wanted to see when I was 8; couple decades late, guys.
“As for why, I mean, doesn’t everyone you know in comics want to make movies? […] [T]he chicks are great.” -- Joe Harris, comic-writer who created the idea for and wrote the screenplay to the #1 movie this weekend, horror flick DARKNESS FALLS. The more interesting quote is “started doing Tooth Fairy/Darkness Falls just as things were sort of unraveling for me at Marvel a couple years back. I had this movie sold, shot and pending release and, though I was too busy to really care all that much, I still had trouble getting work in comics for a while.” Still, I can’t think if I’ve ever read Harris’s comic work, so whether that’s meaningful to me or not, I’m not sure…
Speaking of #1 movies, has anyone ever noticed what elitists run Moviefone? So, Friday night, hanging out with friends -- we want to see a movie, so we turn to those Moviefone snobs. Moviefone guy comes up, “TYPE IN THE FIRST THREE LETTERS OF THE MOVIE YOU WANT TO SEE.” So, we’re debating -- how about NARC? I type in NAR. Moviephone guy goes, “Is the movie you want to see JUST MARRIED?” Uh, no, but then the second time he gets it right. So we’re still debating, and we think, what about CITY OF GOD, the new Brazilian crime movie that’s gotten great reviews (Movie Poop Shoot’s Jeff Wells’s favorite movie of 2002)? I type in CIT. “Is the movie you want to see JUST MARRIED?” Third time, a friend hadn’t seen the great, great CONFESSIONS OF A DANGEROUS MIND yet. I type in CON. “Is the movie you want to see JUST MARRIED?”
Do you see what I’m getting at? Those snobs think “If you want to see JUST MARRIED, you’re not going to be smart enough to know how to smell. You must be a moron. Let’s make it easy on you. You’re just going to be hitting buttons at random, like a monkey. Here, monkeyboy, here’s your pablum. You’re like the ape at the beginning of 2001.”
Moviefone’s a bunch of elitists, man…
"I don't know what motive you could possibly give for killing your mother, cutting off her head, cutting off her hands.” -- Orange County Sheriff Michael S. Carona, talking about a murder by a 20-year-old and 15-year-old who were apparently inspired by the SOPRANOS. It’s not really comic-related, but… dude… that’s some screwed-up shit. Thank god they weren’t watching OZ…
“ROB: I'm young, sexy, loaded and opinionated.” –comic artist Rob Liefeld(?) in an interview with Rich Johnston.
… sexy? The interview doesn’t say, but I have it on good authority that he was slapping his ass while he was saying this… You can’t tell from the text if he was being ironic/sarcastic or not. Have you ever heard a man call himself sexy before? He’d have to be one sexy man. He’d have to be wearing leather pants, too, I think -- I think that’d be a requirement. No, more than that -- he’d have to like the leather pants. I mean, I could wear the leather pants and call myself sexy, but … you’d be able to tell I wasn’t enjoying wearing the leather pants. It’s all about the attitude. Liefeld, if he was wearing leather pants and not the 501s, and he was enjoying the leather pants, then maybe…
“The Greatest Love Story of Our Time.” -- musician Kid Koala, announcing his 300-page graphic novel with soundtrack from something called ECW Press. I’d assume it’s not the same as the professional wrestling organization. Here’s the trailer for it. I just like this news.
“The typical Celtic and Pictish warrior went into battle bare-breasted, wearing trousers (breccae) or a loin-cloth, or even entirely naked.” -- CrossGen, talking about their new promotional campaign where fans who paint themselves blue and take photos of themselves screaming that they want some Conan-wannabe comic book called BRATH, will get the photo printed in a comic book. I don’t know if CrossGen knows what they’re asking for, exactly.
You know, I’ve been doing this for years, and I never got my picture into JUGHEAD comics once. I was naked and covered in blue paint, and sometimes I’d wear a loin cloth and sometimes I wouldn’t, and that fucker JUGHEAD never had any love for me in his heart.
Yeah, seeing their awful, lifeless covers wasn’t enough of an insult; now we’ve got painted geeks running around demanding “BRATH” thanks to Crossgen. Ughhh…
”A stand-alone story about -- women's underwear?” -- Solicitation copy for this week’s issue of AGENT X. So, really, if you’re lucky, that’s what you have to look forward to -- a bunch of blue guys in loincloths reading comics about women’s underwear. Dude, I PRAY for shit like that to happen, are you kidding? It’d be very ZARDOZ.
BRATH! Yeah, why bother coming up with catchy, halfway interesting titles? What’s the point of that? BRATH! If BRATH were about an ancient barbarian ala Conan who was obsessed with wearing women’s underwear under his leather pants, though? He’d be sexy. He’d be a sexy, sexy man. Liefeld would be quaking in his boots… finally, the competition he dreaded all those years on the catwalk. That or quaking with LUST. Fuck you, Kid Koala -- THAT’D be the love story of our time.
A has-been, universally reviled comic artist falls in love with a transvestite barbarian with an idiotic name? Watch out Sundance, I think I just struck indie movie gold. If I can work in Maggie Gyllenhaal somehow, I’m set…
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH. Yuck.
DIAMOND COMICS SAYS
Every Monday, we provide a list of products shipping for
the current week, as well as those products expected to
ship the following week!
Shipping This Week: January 29
So a lot of good news in comics this week. What could ruin that? Oh, that’s right -- the RETAILERS. There’s a story at Newsarama about a series called HAMMER OF THE GODS. A popular book drawn by a guy named Mike Oeming. Mike Oeming is a popular artist who does a series called POWERS, which is a very popular comic; his art for HAMMER OF THE GODS is usually a little more “fun” to look at than his work in POWERS, which is a more focused book (i.e., HAMMER may be “prettier” than the already popular stuff). He was one of the people behind BASTARD SAMURAI, which I thought did well. You View Askew fans will know him, as he did the art for BLUNTMAN AND CHRONIC. And HAMMER OF THE GODS announced recently it’d gotten a movie deal of some sort.
So he has a new book, but instead of, you know, ordering it, retailers, they, uh… they didn’t order it. They ordered it as if it were a black and white comic, which generally sells less, instead of a color comic, which it is. They -- if you look at the numbers, they don’t really seem to make much sense. I’m no expert on numbers, but they don’t really make any sense to me.
You know, God could come down from Heaven himself and give a half-hour monologue during a Victoria’s Secret fashion show about how much he likes comic books, and it still wouldn’t matter because the whole thing’s controlled by how good COMIC SHOP OWNERS are. Oy.
Here’s a quote from the most widely read periodical in the United States, a thing we call TV GUIDE, in a story in this week’s issue about YU-GI-OH, a kid’s phenomena from Japan, the manga for which is currently serialized in SHONEN JUMP (mediocre manga, too but the kids adore it -- that’s a whole separate rant).. and mind you, this is the FIRST line of this article: Last Summer, the owners of Dale’s Kardz & Komicz (yes, that’s how it’s zpelled)” … they’re getting mocked by TV GUIDE. TV GUIDE does serious articles about actors on JAG. TV GUIDE does in-depth investigative reports on Scott Bakula. It’s the most brainless magazine in this country, and they’re mocking comic shop owners. What does that even say?
Cheers or Jeers? This week comic shop owners get Jeers. Thankless job, and not everything’s their fault, but jeers nonetheless.
The following products are expected to ship to comic book
specialty stores this week. Note that this list is tentative
and subject to change. Please check with your retailer for availability.
PREMIER PUBLISHERS
PREVIEWS PUBLICATIONS
DEC023759 GAME TRADE MAGAZINE #36 $1.99
DEC020005 PREVIEWS ADULT VOL XIII #2 PI
DEC020002 PREVIEWS VOL XIII #2 PI
DEC020003 PREVIEWS VOL XIII CONSUMER ORDER FORM #2 PI
DEC020001 PRIMO FLYER VOL XIII #2 PI
I like how PREVIEWS puts their shit first. Like, this is the stuff you’d REALLY be excited about, not those silly old COMICS. PRIMO FLYER’s FINALLY out! I mean, humility would suggest putting this stuff last, but…
DARK HORSE
OCT020029 ASTRO BOY VOL 11 TP $9.95
AUG020045 BOMBSHELL PVC FIGURE $19.99
AUG020016 GHOST IN THE SHELL 2 MAN MACHINE INTERFACE #1 (MR) $3.99
This was a big anime movie over here, GHOST IN THE SHELL. They’re making a new series of cartoons in Japan -- you can find copies on the Internet already I’m sure. I don’t know -- I find it dull. It’s got all these great Japanese-designed robots running around doing cool shit in the background, but … they just stay in the background mostly. And then the rest is like some episode of NYPD BLUE. I’d rather just watch the robots fight things, I think.
AUG020026 GRENDEL TALES THE DEVIL MAY CARE TP $19.95
AUG020020 GROO DEATH & TAXES TP $12.95
OCT020018 ISOLATION & ILLUSION COLL P CRAIG RUSSELL TP $14.95
NOV020022 KISS PHOTO CVR #6 $2.99
NOV020021 KISS RUBI CVR #6 $2.99
OCT020014 MIKE MIGNOLAS BPRD COLL TP $17.95
NOV020017 NEVERMEN STREETS OF BLOOD #1 (Of 3) $2.99
SEP020045 SPYBOY VOL 5 SPY SCHOOL CONFIDENTIAL TP $12.95
If the Oscar-winning writer of a BEAUTIFUL MIND is to be believed, the screenwriting classes at SPY SCHOOL are to die for.
AUG020042 STAR WARS JANGO FETT OPEN SEASONS TP $12.95
I wish they’d put out a version of that party game JENGA with JANGO FETT’s face on it, so that people could chant “JANGO! JENGA! JANGO! JENGA!” I think that’d be super.
NOV020019 USAGI YOJIMBO #63 $2.99
OCT020017 USAGI YOJIMBO THE SHROUDED MOON LTD HC $59.95
What does SHROUDED MOON mean? Well, moon -- lunar cycle -- menstruation. What does shrouding menstruation mean? How do you shroud that? Wait, USAGI YOJIMBO is about a bunny rabbit who is also a samurai. And what’s the expression for when a woman is pregnant? “The rabbit died.” So maybe the moon is shrouded because the woman missed her period. Okay. I solved that puzzle. Man, somebody get me a Rubik’s Cube -- I could destroy that shit right now…
DC COMICS
NOV020773 CARTOON CARTOONS #15 $2.25
NOV020797 FILTH #8 (Of 13) (MR) $2.95
This is Grant Morrison’s book -- great book. Morrison’s earlier series which this echoes was a book called the INVISIBLES , which … most people who’ve read it recognize that the guys who made the movie THE MATRIX were inspired by it -- a lot of elements from the movie are very similar to the comic. Did they “rip it off?” Well, the guys who made THE MATRIX were inspired by a LOT of things, as was Morrison, and I tend to see the two works as being distinct enough not to mind. At the end of the day, I like the MATRIX a lot, I like the INVISIBLES a lot, it’s not my business, and I don’t care.
Well, anyway, Super Bowl, watching the commercials -- guy acts like idiot, nonsensical jeans ad, somebody gets hit in the crotch, harmless potheads are to blame for everything that’s gone wrong in this country in the last 200 years, etc. When on came the MATRIX commercial. And I noticed something, and I don’t really know if anyone else has noticed this or what, but if you go download it off their site, there’s an image of Carrie Anne Moss, the girl, talking to somebody, and behind her…
Is it just me or is that the Harlequin from the INVISIBLES? I never really understood what that character was about in the INVISIBLES -- truth be told, there are chunks of the INVISIBLES that I didn’t follow the logic of too great. And the plot of the movie appears to be about saving some Japanese VIP; the plot of the second arc of the INVISIBLES Volume 2 was about saving some Japanese VIP scientist…
I’m a fan of the movies, and I’m a fan of the directors. And that preview kicked my fucking ass. I can’t wait to see the two movies. But… yeah, doesn’t it seem like those who do get upset by all this (and who I don’t agree with) might have a little more ammo coming their way?
NOV020752 FLASH #194 $2.25
NOV020753 FLASH ROGUES TP $14.95
NOV020781 GLOBAL FREQUENCY #4 (Of 12) $2.95
The last issue had something interesting in it. Not the plot or the writing or the art -- those were all deathly bad. The whole comic was about an alien invasion virus infecting people, right? And how can you tell the aliens have invaded people? Do they mutate into fascinating evil creatures? Does -- does anything visually exciting happen at all? Nah -- why bother having anything visually exciting happen in a comic book. Instead, regular people who are infected by the alien invasion virus have RED EYES! Oooooooooooooh. Wow, they must have had to spend a WHOLE FIVE EXTRA SECONDS on Adobe Photoshop to get that sort of fancy effect…
Just a really lazy, garbage comic with some nonsensical “love conquers the aliens” horseshit cliché plot -- as good an idea for a comic as I’ve seen in years wasted, thoroughly wasted. Zero-dimensional characters spending 22 pages talking about events happening off-camera, talking and talking and endlessly talking… The plot was LITERALLY “love conquers the aliens.” That’s it. That’s all. There are supermodels who are less shallow than that…
Anyway, the interesting thing about the comic -- the comic’s about two ugly lesbians. Mostly so it can pretend to “indie cred,” despite being an exercise in standard comic book baloney cliché. I believe the technical term is “posing?” Anyway, two ugly lesbians whose love conquers the aliens.
The thing I found interesting? The ugly lesbians are always ABOUT to kiss. The two gals are constantly leaning together to ALMOST kiss. But they never dare show the lips touching. Now, I’m not saying that I demand serious rug-munching, but…
It’s like the Hayes Code or something. Its so quaint that they don’t kiss, so old-fashioned in a way, and yet at the same time, it’s LESBIANS. Not even lipstick lesbians -- they’re homely. It’s as if you were watching I LOVE LUCY and these bull dykes were running around, shoving pastries into their face or trying to audition for a show or whatever. On I LOVE LUCY, Ricky and Lucy didn’t share a bed. They had two adjacent single beds. Apparently Little Ricky was conceived when Ricky took Lucy prison-bitch style? I have no idea. Well, it’s sort of like those adjacent beds, only instead of Ricky and Lucy, if Lucy were into hot girl-girl action…
I mean, if you have ugly lesbians AT ALL in your comic, what’s the point in keeping them from kissing? The fans who are pissed that you’re embracing deviant lifestyles -- what, do they not mind so much as they’re celibate deviants? HUH? I think I saw CELIBATE DEVIANTS rock out once at a gig, and they sucked… CELIBATE DEVIANTS sounds like some high-school punk band that sucks, doesn’t it? Oooooh, straightedge… ooooh…
And believe me, if there’s any audience on EARTH who wouldn’t mind seeing a little girl-girl, its GUYS WHO READ COMIC BOOKS. I’ve done the market research. My research concludes “Yes, please! Thank you, Jesus!” That was the entirety of the Abstract right there.
It’s fascinating what passes for a “smart” comic though, isn’t it? This awful comic gets such great reviews. This is some really ridiculously one-dimensional alien invasion nonsense. There’s not a genuine thought in this comic’s brain thematically; there’s certainly not a real, true character to be seen anywhere in this thing, and I’d moreover argue the plot doesn’t work because you have to suspend your disbelief twice -- once in accepting that the boring aliens are invading, and a second time in accepting that ugly lesbians are immune to alien invasion rays. The reason the lesbians win is because the homelier one happens to be “immune” for not really any particularly good reason. Huh????
But people think it’s smart because, like, people keep TALKING, and throwing around big words like “memetics” or “propagation?” You know, it’s as if someone took a MARRIED WITH CHILDREN episode and dubbed a stereo manual over all of Christina Applegate’s dialogue… Which, you know, I’d still have watched that show if they’d done that during the regular run, but… David Faustino or no, big words don’t make idiocy smart. That’s not how shit works.
NOV020733 GOTHAM CENTRAL #3 $2.50
NOV020759 JLA #77 $2.25
AUG020311 JUSTICE LEAGUE ANIMATED BATMAN WALL PLAQUE $39.95
The guy who directed MEMENTO and the overrated INSOMNIA -- they hired him to direct BATMAN? Why does indie cred mean you start doing superhero movies? BRYAN SINGER directed THE USUAL SUSPECTS, then X-MEN. DARREN ARONOFSKY did the number theory/horror movie PI and the feel-good hit movie about addiction, REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, then started working on a BATMAN YEAR ONE screenplay, apparently. ANG LEE did EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN and is now doing the HULK (which didn’t look bad to me -- I hope Nick Nolte’s REALLY high the whole movie). Sam Raimi came from movies like the EVIL DEAD flicks, and now he’s doing SPIDER-MAN. Kevin Smith, who I hear is important, did CLERKS (let’s sample some of the dialogue since I don’t think he’ll sue -- here’s some dialogue from CLERKS so you can get a sense of the resume -- "All Tit-Fucking Volume 8,” "I Need Your Cock,” "Ass-Worshipping Rim-Jobbers,” "My Cunt Needs Shafts,” "Cum Clean,” "Cum-Gargling Naked Sluts,” "Cum Buns III,” "Cumming in Socks,” "Cum On Eileen,” "Huge Black Cocks and Pearly White Cum")… and went on to write a screenplay to SUPERMAN. Jim Jarmusch is doing DAZZLER. John Cassavetes’s ghost is doing PETER PORKER, SPIDER-HAM.
It’s, like, I need to go grab Maggie Gyllenhaal and direct that screenplay I have lying around about serial-killing vampire drug addicts who deal with the ramifications of incest during a heist that goes wrong, so I can finally get my shot at a CAPTAIN AMERICA movie…
NOV020764 LEGION #16 $2.50
JUL020264 LOSH CHAMELEON BOY ACTION FIGURE PI
JUL020265 LOSH STAR BOY ACTION FIGURE PI
JUL020266 LOSH SUN BOY ACTION FIGURE PI
JUL020267 LOSH ULTRA BOY ACTION FIGURE PI
Pete Townshend’s research is getting a little of out of hand, don’t you think?
AUG020308 PSH SERIES II HAWKMAN & HAWKGIRL $9.95
AUG020309 PSH SERIES II PROFESSOR ZOOM & MIRROR MASTER $9.95
AUG020310 PSH SERIES II SUPERMAN & CLARK KENT $9.95
Wait, maybe I’m missing something, but aren’t SUPERMAN and CLARK KENT the same guy? Oh, man, maybe they’ve been lying to us all these years. See, I always thought they were fucking with us -- Clark Kent wears glasses, and Superman doesn’t. What -- SUPERMAN’s flying around up there near-sighted?
NOV020782 RESISTANCE #5 $2.95
NOV020735 ROBIN #110 $2.25
NOV020786 ROBOTECH SOURCEBOOK $2.95
NOV020740 SUPERMAN VS DARKSEID APOKOLIPS NOW $2.95
Why do they keep recycling this pun? This pun, APOKOLIPS NOW, gets used over and over and over and over and over -- the comic was created in the '70s sometime and since then… people just trip over themselves to use this pun. I can’t even count how many times I’ve seen this pun. Can’t even count it.
NOV020771 WONDER WOMAN #188 (RES) $2.25
IMAGE
SEP021218 BOTP CONVENTION EXCLUSIVE CVR #1 PI
NOV011503 ELECTROPOLIS #4 $5.95
I read an issue of this -- awful. Awful experience. I don’t even remember anything about it except for my lingering distaste for it.
AUG021213 SAVAGE DRAGON #104 $2.95
NOV021782 TECH JACKET #3 $2.95
NOV021783 VENTURE #1 $2.95
MARVEL
NOV022035 AGENT X #7 $2.25
NOV022052 AVENGERS #63 $2.25
NOV022048 CAPTAIN MARVEL #5 $2.25
NOV022029 HULK WOLVERINE 6 HOURS #2 (Of 4) $2.99
The HULK looks like it’s going to be a big movie, based on that commercial during the Super Bowl anyway. I guess we’re going to get flooded with HULK books pretty soon. We’ll be swimming in HULKs. Just like your mom always dreamed of doing. Your dirty, dirty, man-loving mother. Who’s unnaturally fond of Bill Bixby and/or Lou Ferrigno. And who can apparently swim in men even though men are solids and not liquids. Which is quite a trick, really. Maybe she melts the men like in some old Roger Corman movie. Is your mom Vicent Price? If so, I loved it when your mom would team up with Scooby Doo. This also applies to you/your mom if your mom is the Harlem Globetrotters basketball team.
Man, can you believe they made a SCOOBY DOO movie and the Harlem Globetrotters didn’t even make a cameo? What a paucity of love those people had. Though now that I think of it, man, why isn’t there a HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS movie? Kids would love that shit. And of course, as mentioned hereinabove, your freakish man-loving mother. See, Hollywood’s stupid -- there should TOTALLY be a Harlem Globetrotters movie. If you’re a Hollywood bigwig, I demand points on the gross!!!!!!!
Man, they should make a movie where HULK fights the HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS. Okay, I grant you, they couldn’t put up much of a fight, especially compared to tanks and so forth, but wouldn’t you love to see one of those short guys dribbling a ball through the Hulk’s legs? Or Hulk eating a Harlem Globetrotter? Nick Nolte could be high? Darren Aronofsky could direct; I saw REQUIEM FOR A DREAM, and that guy can get Jennifer Connelley to do ANYTHING, believe me.
Box-office gold.
NOV022019 SHANG CHI MASTER OF KUNG FU #5 (Of 6) (MR) $2.99
Woody Harrelson retains his chi. I saw a Barbara Walters interview with him once where he talks about how he likes to have sex but not ejaculate, so that way … well, he’s damaging himself, but apparently it’s good for the “Chi,” which is Ancient Chinese Kung-Fu Master talk for blueballs.
Imagine how famous you are where you’re not only having sex with Alicia Silverstone, but you’re purposely not ejaculating. You’d have to be so fucking famous to pull that shit off with a regular girl, let alone a famous one. Crazy. (I think they’re dating, but no idea -- could just be making that up…)
NOV022042 SPIDER-MAN PETER PARKER #52 $2.25
NOV022050 TRUTH #3 (Of 6) $3.50
The criticism on Kyle Baker’s art for this series that came up a couple weeks back from one comic reviewer really got the ole’ angry juices flowing. You know, I just find how narrow comic fans’s taste in art is frustrating. Because comics are, to an extent, the last place where artists are publically appreciated in this country anymore. Any comic fan can name off the names of DOZENS of artists, in a way that people can’t really do with photographs, painters, sculptors, architechts, etc. Which is great…
And yet, look at the response to what Baker’s doing. His storytelling’s great, the colors are superb, but he’s not filling up the page with unnecessary details, or useless little lines, or tiny cross-hatches. He’s daring to draw the comic as if he aspired to drawing something besides a glorified photograph (See: Ross, Alex).
He’s doing something more in the vein of a more classical era of cartooning instead of, you know, aping J. Scott Campbell (who was aping Jim Lee who was aping Art Adams and manga and Adams was aping Michael Golden who was aping…) And he gets slammed for it.
Comic fans bitch if they’re given anything that’s not a sort of over-detailed, overdrawn, anatomically anal-retentive mess. The range of styles we don’t see is breathtaking.
What’s especially odd is the disconnect with the style favored by comic fans, that overdrawn Son of Neal Adams school (I can’t bear Adams’s work, to be honest) and the style you’ll see from media more in tune with the general population. Animation -- Disney, Warner Bros., etc -- or the art used in advertising or popular Japanese cartoons… a more exaggerated stylizations, and simpler, cleaner art than you see in comics, I think…
NOV022022 ULTIMATE WAR #3 (Of 4) $2.25
ULTIMATEly not very good. Oooh, good one, dude.
NOV022069 X-FORCE FAMOUS MUTANT AND MORTAL HC $29.99
NOV022030 X-STATIX #7 $2.25
WIZARD
DEC022368 AVENGERS WIZARD ACE ED #4 (O/A) $13.99
DEC022369 BOTP PRINCESS TOYFARE EXCLUSIVE ACTION FIGURE (O/A) PI
DEC022360 WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE SMALLVILLE PHOTO CVR #138 $4.99
DEC022359 WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE SPIDER-MAN CVR #138 $4.99
DEC022358 WIZARD COMICS MAGAZINE THUNDERCATS BOTP CVR #138 $4.99
COMICS
NOV022469 ADVENTURE KID BOOK 1 USER FRIENDLY (A) $16.95
DEC022481 ARCHIE #500 (O/A) $1.99
NOV022339 ARCHIE #532 $2.19
DEC022478 ARCHIES SPRING BREAK SPECIAL #3 (O/A) $2.25
DEC022479 ARCHIES SPRING BREAK SPECIAL #4 (O/A) $2.29
DEC022480 ARCHIES SPRING BREAK SPECIAL #5 (O/A) $2.49
Great, Archie puking all over himself while Jughead does keg-stands. The kids’ll love that.
NOV022795 BASTARD #14 EMPRESS PART 4 (Of 4) (MR) $3.95
DEC022482 BETTY & VERONICA SPECTACULAR #44 (O/A) $1.99
DEC022849 BLUE MONDAY DEAD MANS PARTY (O/A) (MR) $2.95
NOV022551 BONDAGE FAIRIES EXTREME 1-13 PACK (A) $39.95
NOV022651 BONEYARD #9 $2.95
NOV022420 BRATH PREQUEL $2.95
Okay, morons: You can’t have a PREQUEL when there’s been no QUEL yet. It’s QUEL, SEQUEL and PREQUEL. There’s been no QUEL. I demand QUEL. It’s a PREVIEW maybe, but it’s not a PREQUEL. And it’s HOOOOORSEEEEEEESHIIIIIIIIT.
DEC022839 BRUTAL PLANET #3 $2.99
DEC022840 BRUTAL PLANET #3 NUDE CVR ED $5.99
OCT022392 CAVEWOMAN PANGAEAN SEA RED FOIL CVR #5 PI
DEC022523 CAVEWOMAN PREHISTORIC PINUPS BOOK 3 GOLD FOIL ED (MR) PI
NOV022265 CEREBUS #286 $2.25
NOV022800 CERES CELESTIAL LEGEND VOL 3 SUZUMI TP $15.95
NOV022287 CHANNEL ZERO JENNIE ONE GN $9.95
Oh, buying this. I’m not a Brian Wood fan at all, but I am a fan of the artist, Becky Cloonan (SOMETHING PERFECT). The previews of her art here have been stand-out work. Wood, despite whatever I might say about the writing, does appear at least to be a fine judge of artistic talent (the covers to FIGHT FOR TOMMOROW have been unusually good with fine more-outsider-ish talent like David Choe and the very awesome Celia Calle). I flat-out loathe his overrated writing in COUSCOUS EXPRESS and POUNDED, loathe it, and yet I’m totally down for a lot of his upcoming work just because he’s working with people I’m excited about like Cloonan and Rob G. So you know, while I wish the guy would get back to drawing his own stuff, I have to pray the guy’s getting better at the writing because I’m getting the books either way….
JUL022137 COOL DEVICES VOL 1 GN (A) $14.95
DEC022511 COVEN SPELLCASTER FINCH PRISM FOIL CVR #1 $12.95
DEC022512 COVEN TOOTH & NAIL #1/2 GOLD SET $15.95
NOV022613 CSI CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION #1 (OF 5) (MR) $3.99
AUG022098 DF BATMAN DARK KNIGHT RETURNS HC SGN $99.99
AUG022099 DF BATMAN DARK KNIGHT STRIKES AGAIN HC SGN $99.99
AUG022080 DF CAPTAIN AMERICA 9.8 CGC GRADED SGN #1 PI
AUG022087 DF MARVEL ENCYCLOPEDIA STAN LEE SGN $199.99
AUG022090 DF MEKANIX SGN #1 $19.99
SEP022089 DF SUPERMAN DAY OF DOOM REMARKED #1 $69.99
DEC022844 DIARY OF A TEENAGE GIRL LTD S&N HC ED $39.95
OCT022672 DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS BLACK AND WHITE #6 (Of 6) $2.99
NOV022419 EDGE #10 $7.95
OCT023081 FIVE STAR STORIES ENG LANG MANGA #5 $9.98
OCT023082 FIVE STAR STORIES ENG LANG MANGA #6 $9.98
OCT022745 FURRLOUGH #120 $2.99
NOV022325 GOLD DIGGER #39 $3.50
OCT022453 HEAVEN SWORD & DRAGON SABRE GN #4 $13.95
DEC022716 HOUSEWIVES AT PLAY #10 (A) $4.95
NOV022770 JENNIFER DAYDREAMER #1 OLIVER $4.95
I was curious about this since I know it’s a TOP SHELF book. It’s 60 pages of stream-of-consciousness stuff apparently -- not my kind of thing, but might be yours... Anyway, I found this interview with the creator, who apparently also calls herself Jennifer Daydreamer. Here’s, literally, a THIRD of the interview:
Tom Hart: Why do you draw so many trees?
Jennifer Daydreamer: Trees! I am fascinated by trees. I think trees are a portal to other realities.
… aren’t drugs great?
NOV022348 JUGHEAD WITH ARCHIE DIGEST #181 $2.39
NOV022625 KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE #75 $3.99
NOV022457 MEGA DRAGON & TIGER GN #3 $13.95
NOV022422 MERIDIAN #32 $2.95
Take a look at the solicitation for this: “Sephie solved one political problem by giving away an island. Now she's out to tie up one last loose end...by returning to the captive children of Akasia. But revenge and disappointment glow hot...endangering the ones she came to save.”
Is glow a scary word now? Oh no, it’s GLOWING HOT! You can’t just put dainty words next to scary words and expect it to work. Revenge is about to prance homicidally! Disappointment is about to shine spooky!
It just doesn’t work.
NOV022596 METAL HURLANT #4 (MR) $3.95
SEP021904 MIKE HOFFMANS SQUID GIRL BLUE FOIL CVR #1 PI
DEC022420 NIGHTMARES AND FAIRY TALES #4 $2.95
SEP021822 NINJA HIGH SCHOOL TEXTBOOK VOL 2 $49.95
NOV022350 PALS N GALS DOUBLE DIGEST #73 $3.59
NOV022583 PANTHA #1-4 LTD PANTHA CVR SET VAMPIRELLA #7-10 $29.95
NOV022426 PATH #11 $2.95
OCT022813 PISTOLWHIP GN YELLOW MENACE $14.95
Oh, wow, great! BUYING THIS. The last PISTOLWHIP was by a pair of debut creators, essentially, and yet made it onto an awful lot of people’s Year-End Top Ten Comics lists, including TIME MAGAZINE’s. Retro pulp crime books with very strong storytelling and some of the best package design in comics -- I loved the last PISTOLWHIP, so I’m happy to see the sequel’s coming out this week.
DEC022376 POP GUN WAR CURR PRTG #1 $2.50
DEC022377 POP GUN WAR CURR PRTG #2 $2.50
NOV022669 QUEEN & COUNTRY VOL 3 CRYSTAL BALL HC (MR) $30.00
NOV022668 QUEEN & COUNTRY VOL 3 CRYSTAL BALL TP (MR) $14.95
This is the best arc of a great series. Greg Rucka and Leo Fernandez do an exciting, classy spy series -- I’m hardly an expert, but the best spy comics I’ve ever read in comics. (The Steranko’s stuff’s awesome, but … more for the art and the ideas than the writing)…
NOV022574 RAIJIN COMICS #8 (MR) $4.95
In manga’s taking over everything news, Raijin signed a deal getting into bookstores. I don’t know how they’ll connect with the bookstore audience, but … interesting news.
NOV022814 RANMA 1/2 PART 11 #11 (Of 11) $2.95
DEC022483 REGGIES REVENGE SPECIAL #2 (O/A) $2.00
DEC022484 REGGIES REVENGE SPECIAL #3 (O/A) $2.00
NOV025107 RGA MAGAZINE #8 (ORDER IN 10S) (MR) $0.99
NOV022427 RUSE #16 $2.95
NOV022354 SABRINA THE TEENAGE WITCH #28 (O/A) $1.79
DEC022813 SAMSON JUDGE OF ISRAEL GN $7.95
NOV022498 SANDSCAPE #1 $2.95
DEC022876 SATYR #2 (Note Price) $2.95
SEP022128 SEXUAL POSITIONS OF THE KAMA SUTRA #1 (A) $3.50
I’m telling you -- Indians are taking over comics. Look at all the great things we have to offer. Lamb tikka for everybody! Yaaaay!
OCT023156 SHA GIRL 2001 HC (A) $39.99
OCT023157 SHA GIRL 2002 HC (A) $39.99
DEC022404 SKY APE ALL THE HEROES TP $6.95
DEC022510 STEVEN GRANTS MORTAL SOULS TP (MR) $9.95
OCT022456 STORY OF TAO GN #2 $13.95
NOV022525 STRAY BULLETS #29 (MR) $3.50
NOV022403 TAROT WITCH OF THE BLACK ROSE #18 (MR) $2.95
DEC023010 THINGS FROM NOWHERE #1 $3.00
OCT022716 TICK GOLDEN AGE COMIC #3 BLEEDING HEART CVR $4.95
OCT022717 TICK GOLDEN AGE COMIC #3 CRIMINALLY MANIACAL CVR $4.95
SEP021902 TIGRESS TALES SP ED GOLD FOIL CVR #4 PI
NOV022620 TOMB RAIDER #18 BALTIMORE COMIC CON 02 LTD ED $19.99
NOV022621 TOMB RAIDER #18 BALTIMORE COMIC CON 02 SGN LTD ED $24.99
NOV022488 TRANSFORMERS ARMADA #7 $2.95
DEC022403 TRUE STORY SWEAR TO GOD VOL 1 TP $14.95
Wow, a trade already. This is a true story about how the cartoonist met his wife -- you’d swear the story was made up because it’s movie-cute. But it’s a true story, apparently. A very sweetly done book. Out in time for Valentine’s Day is I guess the idea. There’s something to be said for chocolate or flowers, but if your nerd girlfriend’s allergic to sweet cocoa or roses…
NOV022353 VERONICA #136 $2.19
OCT022366 WARREN ELLIS BAD SIGNAL TP $6.95
NOV022373 WARREN ELLIS STRANGE KILLINGS TP (MR) $9.95
NOV022536 WEASEL #4 (O/A) (MR) $4.95
NOV022537 WEASEL #5 (O/A) (MR) $4.95
NOV022535 WEASEL CURR PRTG #1 (O/A) (MR) $4.95
NOV022550 WERESLUT 1-8 PACK (A) $27.00
DEC022841 WILDFLOWER TRIBAL SCREAMS #4 $2.99
NOV022622 WITCHBLADE #53 ORIGINAL CHING SKETCH ED $49.99
NOV022623 WITCHBLADE TOMB RAIDER #1 SAN DIEGO CON 02 LTD SGN ED $24.99
OCT022738 ZENDRA VOL 2 #6 (Of 6) $2.95
CONCLUSIONS
Well, what have we learned this week? Mostly that I inexplicably believe your mom is a hoo’er. How would I know? Grapevine, man.
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAATH!
This is actually a pretty good week for comics, between the good news and the PISTOLWHIP and the JENNIE ONE and some of the usual goodness, the FILTH or X-STATIX or whatever. It’s funny I couldn’t muster up more enthusiasm for it. You know, it’s just that Rob Liefeld, he’s sexy. What am I? WHEN’S IT MY TURN TO BE SEXY?
Could you get me your mom’s phone number? Older women understand. I saw the GRADUATE. I would’ve seen JUST MARRIED too, but who can spell big words like that? Man, if you put big words like that into a comic, it’d be smarter than GLOBAL FREQUENCY! You just need to find big enough words.
BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH! BRAAAAAAAAAATH IS BIGGEST WORD THERE IS!
You know, no matter what’s going on, however lame, it’s comforting I can always just look and think, “Well, CrossGen’s got that beat.” They’re such equalizers. They’re like that show the EQUALIZER. I think so anyway. I never saw any of that show. I wish there were more like SPENCER FOR HIRE. I saw a shitload of those…
Man, I wish SPENCER FOR HIRE would fight the HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS. I’d have to again go with the Globetrotters. They’re like the universal solvent of winning. You put them against anybody -- and you’d be a fool to bet against the Globetrotters.
In conclusion: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATH!
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