But why? Why do this to a character we're required, practically, demanded to adore? Either the director, Beeban Kidron, thought it absolutely hee-larious watching Bridget roll in pig shit (literally)...or (and this is my suspicion because girls can be such catty BITCHES sometimes), Kidron had it in for Renée. The film is so cruel to her cute, crinkly-faced visage that you can almost hear the director whisper to the DP: "That skinny little thing is gonna learn what it means to be dumpy! No cute Playboy Bunny outfits this time round!"

But again, I ask why? For reality sake? OK...let's just study the realism angle of Bridget Jones. She obsesses over her weight. Check. She's having difficulty finding someone to marry. Check. She wants to quit smoking and drinking. Check. She doesn't know where Germany is. Check. Allright...and that's interesting because? Well, sorry, can't answer that.

So let's move on to the (quote unquote) and frankly stupid "impossible Hollywood standards for regular women" angle. She dates the lady killer Hugh Grant (David) even though she's a chunk. She dates Colin Firth, (Darcy), a human rights attorney even though she continually embarrasses him at dinner parties and has nothing intelligent to talk about. She has a TV job that allows her to drop out of airplanes and venture to Thailand where in between reporting, she can trip out on 'shrooms and party with her best friend. Where is any of this making sense? Its not that she's chubby-we would understand the usually harsh dictates of TV if and only if Bridget were just so witty and funny that they'd allow a few pounds pass. If Bridget were say, Tina Fey (who's not fat) or Lucille Ball (who's also, uh...not fat) or God...Joy Behar even (who went on a diet), then we'd get it. But Bridget frequently acts like a feeble minded child, even a lunatic at times and as we all know in real life, the only way a woman can get away with being stupid is by being hot. Which is why Anna Nicole Smith has her own show, even when fat--she's just too gorgeous AND she's nuts making her, oddly,  more an inspiration to women than Bridget Jones.

Now I sound incredibly HARSH here and I'm beginning to feel badly because I like Renée Zellweger. And Renée in other films is the perfect, lovable underdog Bridget. In NURSE BETTY I understood why Morgan Freeman became obsessed with her particular brand of sweet lunacy. In WHITE OLEANDER, I could physically feel how vulnerable she was-my body would flinch whenever she neared, lamb to slaughter, the ice princess/murderess character of gorgeous Michelle Pfeiffer. I love her for taking on roles where her interesting, pretty face is even mocked, as in ME, MYSELF AND IRENE where Jim Carrey all but says she looks like a shar-pei or in COLD MOUNTAIN where she (albeit over the top) mis-played a role that might normally go to someone like Kathy Bates. Though she nabbed the golden boy for MOUNTAIN (I think the Academy felt guilty about CHICAGO), her role stood out because it was for the wrong movie- Renée would have killed had she moved that character to an ANNIE GET YOUR GUN soundstage.

So I see why Renée was tailor made for Bridget in her simultaneous everywoman yet wholly unique persona. But why must EDGE OF REASON fuck up their most valuable asset- Renée? They couldn't make her a tad smarter, indeed, less retarded? Again... Why? Because women are fed up watching pretty, thin women go through problems of Ashley Judd DOUBLE JEOPARDY proportions? Because the massively talented Nicole Kidman is just too slinky to relate to-even though DOGVILLE remains one of the greatest women's pictures EVER? Because women wanted a chubbier version of Sandra Bullock from WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING? I sure hope not.

Well now I'm all a fluster because, honestly, I can't speak for women so I have no fucking idea. I don't relate to most of them and I certainly don't want to watch films where I'm supposed to. Maybe MILDRED PIERCE, BRINGING UP BABY, BALL OF FIRE, THE MAD MISS MANTON or anything Fassbinder, Cukor, Sirk, Hitchcock or Polanski (a great women's director) created or, the name of my column, Anthony Mann's STRANGE IMPERSONATION. Give me GREY GARDENS over SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE any day of the week. And if I want to watch a picture about problematic relations with men, I'll watch MARNIE, which I think I've seen about 40 times.

However, I do know that a lot of women love fashion magazines, love to be as underweight as possible (don't ever tell a chick she looks healthy-the question: "Have you been smoking crack?" is a higher compliment) and love to see the mighty fall-which is such a crappy trait. One second they HATE Britney Spears for being sexy jail bait, and the next they delight in discussing how FAT she's become. If you want to get a glimpse into the celebrity dishing of regular women, check out awfulplasticsurgery.com and you'll get a good idea of what I'm talking about. Oh how they love to witness the mighty falling.

But...back to BRIDGET. I think the female chortling in the theater has less to do with sisterhood and more to do with cruelly relishing Renée's fatness. It's like a horror movie those chins! That is, unless you're as, Ted Levine says in SILENCE OF THE LAMBS "a great big fat person" in which case, you'll feel even worse (oh...darn, I thought Bridget would be morbidly obese).

Thankfully, Renée is back to her featherweight frame and now sports fetching dark hair. She's already gracing magazine covers and modeling clothes in layouts that scream "No, I am not fat person. I only played one in a movie!" We shall see what role she dives into next and we, or rather, I, wish her the best. I certainly hope she stays away from this Bridget Jones dim-wit forever. Unless of course, the franchise turns Bridget into a bonafide Special Olympics contender or, better yet, goes the way of Christian Bale in THE MACHINIST: Dear Diary, Weight: 90; Calories: 50; Cigarettes: 15; Movies Watched Today: THE BEST LITTLE GIRL IN THE WORLD and NEW YORK MINUTE; Pro's or Con's? Pro-Ana. Now there's a movie women would flock to...and get tips.

Read More Kim Morgan at her blog Sunset Gun .

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