By Matt Savelloni
February 12, 2004
“ALL YOU NEED FOR A MOVIE IS A GUN AND A GIRL.” – Jean-Luc Godard
Okay, Mr. and Mrs. Movie Producer, sit back, put your feet up and let FROM PRINT TO SCREEN take over for a few minutes. You want a guaranteed hit? You want box office gold? Well, I got 10 nuggets for ya. Ten classics waiting for their close-ups. It all starts with the passion and the writing.
Oh, and the guns and girls, of course…
If you don’t believe me, drop me a line and I’ll be happy to illuminate further. Until then…
COMING SOON (HOPEFULLY) TO A THEATER NEAR YOU
THE CROOK FACTORY – Dan Simmons
The Pitch: One of the most enjoyable pieces of historical fiction ever written, Simmons once again masters another genre. Set in pre-Communist Cuba, THE CROOK FACTORY follows Ernest Hemingway – yes, that Ernest Hemingway – as he indulges a paranoid fantasy of Nazis invading Mediterranean waters. Or is it such a fantasy? Joined by a skeptical young FBI agent, Hemingway sets out to prove his ruminations are not the product of a writer’s imagination but a very real threat to the safety of the world.
Guns & Girls: Plenty. Filled with exotic locales, period detail, action, action, action, romance and an old-fashioned hero, this is the perfect project for an accomplished adventure director like John McTiernan. Get Russell Crowe to play Papa and fuhgeddaboutit.
THE DAY BEFORE MIDNIGHT – Stephen Hunter
The Pitch: Second only to POINT OF IMPACT, Hunter’s ridiculously charged action novel concerns a group of paramilitary terrorists who seize command of a nuclear missile silo. What separates Hunter’s work from most technobabble is the utility of the information and the emphasis on character first. This book takes no prisoners: the violence is harsh and sudden and overwhelming. While you may think you can plot the climax, the developments leading to it are wholly unexpected.
Guns & Girls: Off the charts. A reinvestment would have to be made in the female lead category as this is essentially one prolonged gunfight and yet, there is a tender connection between one of the leads and the woman he loves. This is much different than the “Terrorists have seized…” plots in that this time, it really is about ideology – the scariest motivation. There is ample room for a diverse cast but I can easily picture people like Tom Sizemore, William Peterson and Ashley Judd front and center: actors who can play smart, tough and uncompromising. THE DAY BEFORE MIDNIGHT is an action saga with FAILSAFE stakes.
THE DEAL – Peter Lefcourt
The Pitch: You would flip the pages faster if you weren’t laughing so hard. Charlie Berns is a down on his luck producer contemplating suicide until his nephew Lionel hands him a first-rate script, BENJAMIN DISRAELI. Watching that story transform into LEV DISRAELI: FREEDOM FIGHTER sets up one of the best satires on any industry. Lefcourt provides just enough heart to produce understanding for the characters while at the same time brutally savaging their reckless Tinseltown dance.
Guns & Girls: Recreating the LEV DISRAELI scenes offers the potential for some great tongue-in-cheek action. And there’s always a love interest involved somewhere, isn’t there? Walking a fine line between loathing Hollywood outright and embracing her outrageousness, THE DEAL is a funnier, more mainstream THE PLAYER. If Dustin Hoffman’s brilliant portrayal of Bob Evans in WAG THE DOG is any indication, he would knock Charlie Berns out of the park. A reunion with Mike Nichols would certify this dream project.
GHOUL – Michael Slade
The Pitch: When I first encountered Slade, I was astounded, sickened and utterly enthralled. I dove into the Slade bibliography of Canadian Mounties and Prosecutors, an unknown world save for Dudley Do-Right. Well, this is as far from Jay Ward as Grimm is from Disney. GHOUL details the search for a killer by mirroring the investigation of a crime long past. The modern slaughter surrounds the titular rock group and may or may not be connected to two other slayers currently haunting London. Despite the ultra-dense narrative, GHOUL’s characters vibrate on the page, making this one of the most vivid horror imaginations to date.
Guns & Girls: Are you kidding? This extremely dark entry a la SE7EN uses storybook flashbacks to create an intriguing puzzle which will enrapture audiences while the abrupt and vicious brutality will keep them shrieking. For years I’ve been wishing for the triumphant return of John Carpenter circa 1977-1983. GHOUL is an ideal vehicle, combining three areas Carpenter obviously adores: horror, action and rock ‘n roll.
THE LAST PLACE GOD MADE – Jack Higgins
The Pitch: Simply one of the best titles ever. Higgins is a legend of hard-bitten Brit war and spy novels and this entry does not disappoint. When pilot Neil Mallory crash lands in a South American jungle, he plunges into the HEART OF DARKNESS machinations of a local warlord and the amorous attention of two women with competing agendas. Mallory must employ all of his strength and wits to fight his way out of this special section of hell.
Guns & Girls: Loads of the former and CASABLANCA-esque in the latter. The jungle setting mirrors the uncultivated and deceitful motivations of the protagonists. Mallory is a wonderfully droll character in tough English tradition. I'm picturing Jason Statham. And with its combination of sex, intrigue and politic turmoil, THE LAST PLACE GOD MADE is right up John Boorman’s alley. Higgins has been filmed successfully only once in John Sturges’ 1976 THE EAGLE HAS LANDED. His work is far overdue for a re-infusion from Hollywood.
NATIVE TONGUE – Carl Hiaasen
The Pitch: Walking a tightrope between bemused observation and embittered cynicism, this Miami Herald reporter has been cranking out outrageous crime novels for twenty years. As soon as they are flung into the heist of two precious mango voles, readers know they are in for one strange and hilarious ride. Disney has suffered more than its share of slings and arrows from Hiaasen, along with every other greedy developer ruining the natural beauty of Florida Here, disguised by an alias, the Mouse House provides the setting for a circus of weirdo’s, psychos and maniacs on a hopeless collision course. NATIVE TONGUE has the distinction of having one of the most hysterical death scenes in history. It involves a dolphin. Enough said.
Guns & Girls: In plentiful supply. The one and only Hiaasen adaptation thus far, STRIPTEASE, was not nearly as bad as the hype but it did manage to ice Demi Moore’s career for a few years and just about end Andrew Bergman’s. However, this insanely popular author deserves another adaptation, one that mimics the devotion of scripts like GET SHORTY and OUT OF SIGHT to its source material. Nicholas Cage would be a perfect choice to play Joe Winder, the besieged PR man for Amazing Kingdom at the center of this savage yarn. And David O. Russell proved in FLIRTING WITH DISASTER that he is a maestro at blocking frantic, large-scale comedy. Sounds like a match worthy of Mr. Hiaasen.
THE NINJA – Eric Van Lustbader
The Pitch: In 1980, Lustbader wrote this seminal novel, which spent half the year on the N.Y. Times Bestseller list, introducing the “ninja” to pop culture. What followed was a stream of tepid film rip-offs involving the likes of Golan-Globus, Michael Dudikoff and Lee Van Cleef (so far gone from THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY). These mystical warriors were somehow reduced to sideshow extras to be mowed down by Chuck Norris. But THE NINJA is in reality a first-rate dramatic thriller, a Far East version of THE GODFATHER. Nicholas Linnear is a powerfully complex hero caught between combative worlds. His story is an epic in the custom of vintage good-versus-evil tales. Let the misconception about this extraordinary novel end now.
Guns & Girls: Sky-high. A rollicking, globetrotting quest with plenty of kick-ass action to please the fanboys and steamy romanticism to pull in the chicks. With a tricky plot steeped in vengeance, THE NINJA offers enough cinematic potential to forever remove the stain of the horrid, straight-to-video garbage bearing similar titles and plots. Donnie Yen is perfect for Linnear and this is definitely the Hollywood project that has been evading John Woo since he arrived on our shores.
PARAMOUR – Gerald Petievich
The Pitch: A former L.A. Detective assigned to gang detail, Petievich scribes hard-hitting potboilers. PARAMOUR is one of his most sophisticated efforts, a slick chunk of excitement whose steamy White House eroticism would make Bill Clinton wince. About-to-retire Secret Service Agent Jack Powers suddenly finds himself on the run for his life as a sordid D.C. cover-up explodes into international intrigue. Like all great Petievich novels, he expends just as much dramatic energy into the lives of the law enforcement personnel as he does in the battles, leaving us not just breathless with excitement but also bound by emotional investment.
Guns & Girls: As good as it gets. Similar to IN THE LINE OF FIRE, the film version of PARAMOUR requires a masterful performance like Eastwood’s in order to succeed. Cast Chris Cooper, one of the few leading men with that rare ability to play tough yet accessible. I was pleasantly surprised by what Clark Johnson did with S.W.A.T. He shoots action in a way that allows you to see what’s actually happening, eschewing the MTV-Cuisinart editing currently in vogue. More importantly, he allowed that cast to live and breathe instead of just tossing caricatures into the fire.
PRACTICAL DEMONKEEPING – Christopher Moore
The Pitch: The heir apparent to Douglas Adams, Moore is a witty fabulist unafraid to mix genres and shake up conventions. This hilarious debut follows a carnivorous demon and his long-suffering caretaker, Travis, who benefits from eternal youth at the price of safekeeping the man-eater. They invade a bucolic California community and promptly get mixed up in a small-town dramedy. Moore’s comedic impulses are sublime. He serves the ridiculous alongside the believably satiric without any conflict. His straight-faced farce is not just homage of Adams but a transformation of his style of humor into terrestrial magic.
Guns & Girls: Not so many guns but the excitement factor remains very high in this modern take on HARVEY for the BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER generation. While Catch is a very real and menacing entity, Travis’ efforts to keep him from consuming the residents of their latest stopover proffer prime slapstick opportunity. Modern-day special effects should have no trouble conveying the demonic Costello to Travis’ Lou, who would be an ideal character for the burlesque timing of either Aaron Stanford or Jason Schwartzman. And nobody combines fantasy and magic realism as well as Terry Gilliam.
ROOFWORD – Christopher Fowler
The Pitch: Now this is what you call high concept. In London, a series of secret societies live above the streets. They inhabit the roofs and eaves of the city in relative peace until a madman of alchemy threatens not just their lives but the veil of secrecy above which they fly. Combining action, horror, mystery and social commentary, Fowler’s debut proves that genre fiction does not have to be written for the lowest common denominator.
Guns & Girls: Instead of traditional firearms, we get modern twists on medieval weaponry: crossbows, knives and guns that fire razor sharp coins. Smart, involving, exciting and above all, unique, ROOFWORLD offers plenty of openings for a sexy and acrobatic young cast. Modern CG landscapes and the technical wizardry of SPIDER-MAN proved that flying heroes need no longer look silly. Essentially an aerial version of THE WARRIORS, I would instill Walter Hill behind ROOFWORLD’s camera and let his singular style take flight.
Well, that’s all for now, folks. I’ll be back in a couple weeks with a new review. Until then, grab one or two or all ten of these gems and remember that the best movies begin as a singular and complete vision.
“Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” – Albert Einstein
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