MAIL SHOOT

January 6, 2003

This is the place where we take a back-seat to you! That's right, we actually shut up long enough to give the readers a chance to speak out. So keep on e-mailing us with whatever's on your minds and you, too, can earn a chance at the anonymous "glory" that is seeing your name on a website. We promise not to mock you too mercilessly...

And now, as promised, we'll shut up and let you speak!

Happy New

Ryall: That's right, the Mail Shoot...now entering its second straight year! Something like that. And the year seems to be starting off with a marked increase in incoherence, if any of these e-mails I've gotten are any indication. Then again, it WAS just New Year's Eve a couple days ago, so maybe the celebration's kept up a bit longer for some folk. But as always, we could use more, MORE praise, pans or general comments, so if you have something to say, let that e-mail fly.

Before we get going on anythng else, let's start with this nice New Year's wish from Aaron Poole:

Aaron writes: Rather than email all the staff individually I thought I'd both start and stop at the top.
Happy New Year to all of the hardworking men and woman (Kendra is the only one, right?) of the site.
I just wanted to send my gratitude for a very solid year as far as entertainment goes.

There isn't a single site that offered a higher quality.

Ryall: Wait a sec, what about...damn, you're right!

Or a site that was able to make the visitor feel a part of a close knit unit without the use of message boards (although I've heard theyre in the works).

Ryall: Yep, they are. But thanks for mentioning this--I try hard to do what I can to make people feel welcome, even though I think fellating people to keep them reading was a bit too over-enthusiastic on my part.

I hope next year is as good for all of you.
And I also hope that you all get a good kiss at midnight! (especially A.K., face it dude She-Hulk is never going to call)

I'm NOT Kevin!

I get a lot of mail from people who seem to think "cryall@moviepoopshoot.com" is a direct pipeline to the Man, and I don't always have the heart to tell them otherwise. Not that I think the point would be fully grasped from some people...

"Joe and Quiet Al" write (wrote?): Hey Kevin. Thats right i'm talkin to u mister smith, Jay and Silent Bob are two of the fuckin funniest characters ever, and your ready to just flush them down like yesterdays shit? Well fuck that. i mean seriosly, they are fuckin awsome and i dont think you should just shit on them so fast. doa a couple of serios movie or what ever gay shit you wanna do then you gotta make another comeback special or somethin. come on man, those guys are fuckin awsome.

~Love Joe and Quiet Al
P.S. Comics fuckin rock.

Ryall to, uh, "Joe and Quiet Al": I don't know if it's quite fair to say Kevin is "shitting on" his characters "so fast" after using them for 7 years in 5 movies, 6 animated TV eps and a whole mess of comics, not to mention the upcoming CLERKS ANIMATED MOVIE, but I guess people see what they want to see. But at least you really seem inclined to give JERSEY GIRL--you know, that "serios movie gay shit"--a fair chance.

And then "Papadurst" writes:

Hi, I am a huge Jay and Silent Bob fan and I wondered when they will be back. I know about Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back supposedly being their last flick, but at the end of Dogma there is a message that says Jay and Silent Bob will be back in Clerks 2: Hardly Clerkin. When is it comming out and when is some more Jay and Bob stuff gonna arise? Are yall gonna bring back Brian O' Halleran and Jeff Anderson to play Dante and Randal? Are we gonna find out what happens to Katlin Bree?

Ryall: She dies. Well, eventually, I mean. Eventually, we all do, so it's pretty safe to assume she does, too. But not before mounting a couple more old corpses, that is.

Well, I got to go...thanks for reading my comments and conscerns....please email me back with some answers.

Ryall: Seriously, where do you have to go when there's such pressing unanswered questions as "CLERKS 2" out there? See, the thing about CLERKS 2 is...wait, I got to go. Thanks for writing your comments and conscerns, though.

And finally, some of that unsolicited advice Kevin's been looking for

Maria Gebhardt writes: Dear Mr. Kevin Smith,

And I don't really care that you don't allow people to do this.

If you REALLY don't know what you are doing next, Read "Love by the Book".

Ryall: You mean...you follow "The Book," too? I...aw, forget it, I won't start quoting JAY & SB STRIKE BACK now.

Its going to be made into a movie. Its my personal lifequest to see that someone who can direct comedy makes it. I didn't write it, I don't know the guy (only as an e-mail fan) and I hand picked it out of all the PGL Scripts as the best one in the top 250.

Or, you could re-make Gilligan's Island into a feature?

Ryall: Without Alan Hale Jr? You blaspheme!

By the way, I'm the real muse behind Dogma. I really am. You believe me, right? I'll bet you do. :-). My personal energy went out into the universe and I'm really an amalgamananana of Bethany and Serendipity.

Ryall: You mean you have the ability to piss off the rest of the cast AND speak with a sexy Mexican accent?

Well, now since you made ten dollars off Dogma from my energy, you can read this script, right?

Ryall: Nope.

Love,

Maria

P.S. Did you really call Liv Tyler "Sport Fuck"? I can't help but wonder if that pisses her Dad off. Nevermind, you could squish Stephen Tyler easily.

Ryall: Even worse, what if Steven was the one who nicknamed her that? (For the record, he wasn't).

P.S.S. Its registered, copywritten and not attached and I am not this writers agent, friend or co-writer, nor do I work for him. I just think his script is brilliantly written and creative and funny and timely and ORIGINAL.

Ryall: Well, if he's so special, let him direct his own dang movie!

May the blue bird of happiness, spend all day at your door, beating the poop out of the red bird of emotional distress, unspeakable shame and financial hardship, every time it gets near.

Ryall: You realize that everytime you say "poop" now, we collect royalties?

And Karina Proffitt, she of quite the cool name, writes:

I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to keep your fans updated on the goings on in your movies. This was my first visit to your site and I found it very entertaining and refreshing. It's nice to find a site that is humorious and witty as well as informative. It's even better finding a site that is written understandably instead of needing a dictionary to decipher every other word. Anyway, Thank you again and best wishes to you and yours.

TV Wreck-ommendations

Matt scolds me, writing: WTF! Where's ALIAS on your TV Recommendations for Sunday?

The fact that you have HIGH SCHOOL REUNION listed and you left out one of the best shows on television is surely a mistake. Right?

Ryall: Much like a movie studio cutting a review for a newspaper ad, I read your e-mail and what I get out of it is, "HIGH SCHOOL REUNION...one of the best shows on television..." So thanks for agreeing with me!

Besides, ALIAS gets a fair amount of play from me--I gotta mix it up and go for the easy and lame joke whenever possible. How boring would it be to read this each week:

ALIAS -- 9 PM, ABC
ALIAS is a great show--boy, that Jen Garner makes my pants feel "funny" each week. Manoman, do I likes me this show. Y'all better watch, y'hear?

Wither Looney Tunes?

Geoffrey Kiester poses a good question: Back in the 80's when I collected most of the Laser Discs I own, there was two volumes of a Laser Disc box set of all the classic Looney Tunes/Merry Melodies cartoons. Well I never got around to purchasing that collection and missed out on it.

Now ever since DVD took over and replaced the Laser ! Disc market I have been waiting and waiting for that collection or something like it to be released on DVD.

Is there or will there ever be Looney Tunes/Merry Melodies Collection on DVD??

Ryall: I'd assume so, but honestly, I haven't heard more than speculation about when this'd happen, so if anyone knows more than that, I think we'd all like to know.

Luther College Rocks!

This wasn't really intended to get to anyone but me, and I've already replied privately, but I think it's a cool, admirable thing that Heidi's doing at her school, so I wanted to share her note:

Heidi Johnson writes: My name is Heidi Johnson, I am a junior at Luther College in Decorah, Iowa. I am a junior and I am majoring in art. I am writing to you because I am looking for someone interested in corresponding with me about film. Please read on further, I would greatly appreciate it.

Luther College is a liberal arts institute, well known for its music and biology departments. It has a small, but growing, art department, and as for film.....well.....there is me. Upon my graduation from Luther College, I will be attending grad school to earn a masters and hopefully Ph.D. in Film Studies. I am quite serious about my film studies, and my "pet project" has grown into an infant production company, assembled from about 30 students who have expressed sincere interest in the industry. The college is actually quite excited that a student has taken the initiative to create an organization devoted to film production/studies. Though essentially non existent several months ago, I have created a "buzz" on campus regarding film and there is a growing number(6 at last count) of professors wishing to participate(wishing to participate on any level, from production,grant writing,film critiquing) With the support from a wide range of students, staff, and outside professi! onals that I am contacting, I am aiming to create a "film organization" on campus, that will hopefully become a permanent fixture on campus after I graduate (my legacy of sorts). Its basically a large gathering of people interested in film: producing, acting, critiquing, writing......all aspects. I wish to do things on a professional level and I am looking for outside opinions and professional help. I have been researching every level of film production and film related career information, and assembling the info. for future use. This may be the spring board to a future film major on campus, we are far from that possibility now but since I have the support of the college and I have the determination to create a long standing professional level assemblage on campus it may be possible someday after my graduation.

This is a completely random letter to you, but I decided to take the time to write to you because I thought perhaps, that you may be interested in corresponding with me from time to time. I am very interested in film critics and I would enjoy and be eternally grateful in corresponding with you. I am not quite sure what I will be writing about yet, but I have so many questions to ask! (questions about the choices on the AFI lists for example, questions about many aspects of critiquing). I may ask what type of credentials should a professional film critic have, is it worth researching the classic films, what impact did Eisenstein really have on film editing......What directors should we study, what elements make a good film.....Very basic questions to very abstract questions.....I am just trying to learn as much as possible, and due to the very limited amount of hands-on experience and little exposure to film studies in this area, I feel the need to try to create it. I beli! eve that Luther College is a great place to have a film studies program, it can be an oasis in the rural midwest for those interested in film. There is great interest here, and I believe that if we get the right mixture of motivation and professionalism from each party involved, that something truly impressive could be located at Luther. That is all to come, right now I am just trying to find more support-hence the reason why I have decided to canvas the internet for addresses of professionals in any/all aspect of the field. I assure you that I am trult driven to this goal and I would be very inspired if you were to write to me.

That Damn PS2!

At least my new addiction is shared by others...

Phil Villarreal, Film Critic for the Arizona Daily Star, writes: No shit about PlayStation 2. I was also one of the huddled masses disappointed by the N64, and I thought today's video games just didn't relate to me (the way I actually put it was "they sucked"), but my girlfriend was out of town a couple days ago, I saw the commercial for the new Rocky game, and an impulse buy later, I was sitting at home playing nonstop GTA:Vice City (I broke my lifelong Nintendo loyalty because the PS2 is the only one that offers this game) and Rocky. I had two days off work, and I was planning on finishing up my novel, but no. Instead I played videogames for about 12 hours. Eating, drinking and urinating lost their importance. The need to knock out Ivan Drago's punk ass and figure out how to proposition hookers and get my money back became priorities. Sex was a non-issue, since my GF was gone, but had she been there, it would have been a tough choice.

Those controlers give you a hell of a workout, too. They don't hurt your hands like the old school Nintendo and Super Nintendo ones, but they maim your wrists and forearms instead. My right forearm feels like it's just been soloflexed.

Reading your column was cool, because I also told my friends I wanted to quit my job and just play PS2 nonstop.

The Last Word on "The Last Crusade"

Patrick Storck writes: While the Last Crusade was the last of the Crusades for the Holy Grail, they didn't kill enough innocents to be a real Crusade. And Indy is NOT immortal, because that trick only worked if he stayed in the cave for the rest of eternity, and nobody had invented cable TV yet. There was an 80-something Indy on the Young Indy show (missing an eye, and still couldn't run like a normal person) confirming that he will get old.

Ryall: Yeah! So take that, person from a couple weeks ago who dared argue with me even though I couldn't think of half as good a response at the time!

In Praise of Gollumn

Robert Hoffman writes: Hi. I read your piece on Andy Serkis this morning and was quite taken by it and the notion that his performance should be nominated.

Not having seen all the other candidates for Best Supporting Actor, it's a bit hard to comment on the relative merits of his performance - but really, and I think the point he's making is right - it should be considered alongside other performances of merit.

The Gollum character as realized in the film is REMARKABLE. And not because of the technical accomplishments - which are probably the new high water mark for CG animation. The complexity of the characterization, the manner in which it is presented, Peter Jackson's direction, the camera and editing - together have created something unique.

That said, only the Acting branch of the Academy can make this nomination possible. And the Academy is very conservative in matters that deal with Animation, Visual Effects and "technical" achievement.

But the Supporting Actor/Actress category is the one category where the Academy generally looks to include unique performances that may not be based on conventional wisdom. I can think of many Best Supporting Actress awards being given recently to performances that seem to go against conventional wisdom.

The real question will be whether or not the Acting branch is threatened by awarding the film a possible nomination for Best Supporting Actor. It pushes many buttons of actors who are threatened by the idea of "CG" performances. But this performance was in reality driven by Mr. Serkis - brilliantly. And that should be the point.

Peter Jackson combined the right techniques to allow Serkis to drive the performance. The technique is not completely new. Digital Domain did it a number of times before: first with a Nike commercial that featured a CG Andre Agassi; next with a CG dance performance by Michael Jackson, in director Stan Winston's "Ghosts"; and most recently with a performance driven by singer James Brown, on the Paul Allen Experience Music Project film, "Funk Blast." It's not animation. It's performance capture which drives the animation. (I mean no disrespect here to the animators - they did a brilliant job too.)

The point here is that an actor drove the performance. And in the case of "Two Towers," Serkis' voice work is almost as important as the remarkable physicality of the performance which he also "created."

If the Academy actors really want to make a statement about keeping performances in the "control" of actors this is the film they should nominate. Then, and only then, the best performance can be judged fairly.

Final Word of the Week

"BigPacInPants" writes: hey i dont no what to say.

Ryall: Exactly.

SHOOT-BACK HERE! | ARCHIVES