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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









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GAME ON!

By Ian Bonds

April 14th, 2006

HOLY HANDHELDS HANNAH!

Wow. Not only do I have a huge backlog of games that I have yet to review, but the strange thing is…most of them are for the PSP and DS. Handheld gaming is getting to be big business, and the two hottest platforms on the market are only set to get hotter, with newer models and redesigns, updates of firmware and more. But more than anything else, the games are finally starting to pour in week after week. Well, let’s see what we have in the ol’ game pile this week…

METROID PRIME: HUNTERS – DS

A lot has changed with this title since we played the packed-in demo of it back when the DS launched almost a year and a half ago. The control has been tightened, the graphics are sharper, the storyline is fleshed out more (obviously) and the style is METROID at it’s finest. Baring a striking resemblance to its big Gamecube sister, MP: H works like all the other FPS’ on the DS should: the control is as silky smooth as if you were playing with a keyboard and mouse. The analog touch screen control is responsive, and aiming is a breeze. Plus, with multiple set ups to conform to even the most picky of gamers, you’re sure to find some way to master the blasting fun. The 3D cut scenes are a fantastic addition, and they really push the hardware well. Nicest of all, however, is the WiFi multiplayer. Quick and easy to set up and play, with multiple ways to engage in battle (single card download play, 4 player multi-card play, and of course, WiFi over the internet) with 7 different game modes makes for some surprisingly deep match types. From standard deathmatch types to variations on the “capture the flag” motif, the action is fast paced and really well put together. This was one that was definitely worth waiting for.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

AGE OF EMPIRES: THE AGE OF KINGS – DS

AGE OF EMPIRES has done what many have tried and still more have failed at. It takes everything that was great from the PC series, and builds a new game around those aspects. The DS version retains every major fundamental of the PC game, while delivering the gameplay in a whole new way. By switching the format from real time to turn based strategy, the DS version offers a whole new balance to the attacks and strategy involved in your battles. AOE’s tactical approach allows for more concise and well thought out maneuvers, and the emphasis on building layouts matter more than ever. While the 3D presentation of the actual fights themselves leaves a little to be desired, and the audio has some disappointing moments, there’s no finer example of a time-tested series branching out into new yet familiar territory. Surprising, to say the least, as most games don’t offer such a fun history lesson with your gaming.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

THE RUB RABBITS – DS

The sequel to the DS’ launch title FEEL THE MAGIC XX/XY, THE RUB RABBITS tries to be as quirky (and fun) as the original, and it succeeds for the most part. There aren’t as many “did they really just DO that?” moments, but the games are just as fun and entertaining as before. Good, quick mini-game action with enough variety to keep fans of the original entertained, with a story that’s just as bizarre as the first. The strangest addition to the game, however, is the multiplayer. Players use just ONE DS to play one of two games, Hulabaloo or (gulp) Baby making. Hulabaloo is a sort of “hot potato” game, where players pass the DS around, holding down a sequence of buttons with each successive pass, let up to soon on your end with the exchange, and the game ends. Baby making is a bit odder, with two players holding the DS at the same time. After inputting your birthdate and other such information to match your “compatibility” with your partner, you both then try to cut a cake at the same time. At the end, you child comes out of the center. Oh, those wacky Japanese. There’s also single card download play to match wits against your favorite games, and a multi-card play to…send your baby to another DS and trade outfits or take it for a walk. Nintenbaby. Goodness that’s odd.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

WORMS: OPEN WARFARE – DS and PSP

The WORMS return to form this time around with their tried and true 2D format. Taking the familiar “Scorched Earth” style of turn based gameplay, you use trajectory and wind to blow away the opposing team. Simple enough, and the format works well on the handhelds. The PSP version boasts the stronger graphics, though with the 2D format, that’s not really that important. Control is handled well, and using the analog nub to move the camera across the playing field to set up you shots is a nice touch. The team and TEAM 17 do a really well done job here, and there’re even some cool animated cut scenes as well. Wireless multiplayer is cool, but is only done via ad hoc, which limits your skirmishes to those who already have the game.

The DS version is something of a different beast altogether. While the format and gameplay are essentially the same, the graphics are obviously downgraded a bit, and for some reason there are a few hiccups in the presentation as well. Often when a character fires a weapon, it takes the camera a few moments to catch up to where the attack lands, panning over at the last minute just to see the results, but not the hit. The camera is a bit jerky-er, but the touch screen is ideal for selecting weapons on the fly. Each version has their own strengths and weaknesses, but the strangest fault lies with the DS’ multiplayer option. While both versions offer the option to create your own team of worms, on the DS it doesn’t seem to make much sense, as the only way to play multiplayer is from single card download. Yes, that’s the ONLY way. So, what good is it to create your own team if you can’t show it off against your friend’s created team? Unless you each use the DS to make a team, and the host plugs them all into the single card game, it’s a pointless feature…and doing that just isn’t worth the time or effort. Other than that, the gameplay remains solid for both titles for fans of the turn based battle series.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

MEGA MAN: POWERED UP – PSP

For those that have seen the screenshots, this isn’t just Mega Man’s first adventure, only cuter. Sure, it is that, but there’s so much more here. The new art style is one thing, but adding a driving narrative to the story (something the original was a bit lacking in)as well as some cool touches like being able to play alternate story modes as any of the boss robots (if you defeat them in the main game using only Mega’s buster weapon) adds a bit of flavor, and there is a series of challenge missions that are actually SERIOUSLY challenging (I’m loosing hair from ripping it out at the difficulty of some of these). There’s even a sweet little level designer, so you can set up your own version of a stage, complete with enemy choices and all. It’s old and familiar, and yet completely new and fresh. For the MEGA MAN series, that is definitely a good thing.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

VIEWTIFUL JOE: RED HOT RUMBLE – PSP

For those that played the Gamecube version of this title last year, the gameplay remains essentially the same. A few bonuses for the PSP version include a sweet single disc download play mode for multiplayer games, and the ability to unlock Dante (from the DEVIL MAY CRY series) as a playable combatant. The same frenetic “Super Smash Brothers”-style gameplay is apparent here, and it’s just as goofy as all the other VJ games. Generally, as before, you’ll probably want to stick to the single player or only two player modes, as any more than that can get confusing and chaotic on the tiny PSP screen. Full of flash and fun, it’s a weird little diversion for a weird little series.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

CAPCOM CLASSICS COLLECTION REMIXED – PSP

The console version was a favorite of mine, and the portable version is almost even better. Offering up 20 titles, many of which are exclusive to the PSP version, including STRIDER and the original crapriffic STREET FIGHTER, this version has a lot to keep you busy. While we miss games like the GHOST AND GOBLINS series (which we will see a handheld version of soon, all new even), there’s still plenty to enjoy, and there’s even an option to switch the screen mode to it’s original format (or sideways for many of the old shooters). CAPTAIN COMMANDO and FINAL FIGHT are some of the highlights, while there are some lowlights too (like AVENGERS), all in all, it’s still a fantastic collection which sets the bar for compilations of its kind.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

ME AND MY KATAMARI – PSP

While not as deep as its console cousins, the PSP version of the KATAMARI craze is unique in both its set up and execution. No longer are you on a quest to make stars for the sky by the King of All Cosmos, but rather island for tiny sea creatures on Earth. The PSP’s control scheme is a bit different without the option of two analog sticks, but the usage of the d-pad and face buttons holds its style well, though takes some getting used to at first. And while it’s not as big in scope as the titles that came before it, it’s still just as fun, while being a bit shallow in the end. Fans of the series will eat it up, though newcomers may be a bit puzzled as to what all the fuss is about. Still, the music is addictive, the gameplay is crazy fun, and it’s more of the KATAMARI kookiness we all enjoy. Just portable.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

DRAGONBALL Z: SHIN BUDOKAI – PSP

Going back to the same development team that worked on the first three BUDOKAI games for the PS2, this title shares the plot of the new “Return of Fusion” movie, but keeps it held within the same fighting game style of past entries. While not as deep as the most recent PS2 offering, it’s still solid fighting fun for DBZ fans. A tad on the easy side, you’ll still enjoy this new story, especially since it’s not yet ANOTHER retelling of the same arcs we’ve seen time and again in the series. Wireless ad hoc adds some multiplayer fun, and capsules once again allow for customization of fighters. It looks sharp, plays well, and is just as fun as before…think of it as BUDOKAI 3 with a new plot and coat of paint, though not quite up to par with TENKAICHI.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

SPLINTER CELL: ESSENTIALS – PSP

SPLINTER CELL hasn’t had much success on the handheld scene, due mostly in part to the systems inability to recreate the console experience. While the PSP fares better than most, it’s still a hollow victory, as most of the time while you’re admiring the backgrounds and decent enough story, you’ll also be cursing and fighting with the camera NON STOP. It’s always a shame when some what decent gameplay is horribly marred by a totally broken camera scheme, but sadly there’s not much hope in this title. Sure, you get to live through what essentially amount to “Sam Fisher’s Greatest Hits” while building towards the plot of the upcoming DOUBLE AGENT for the consoles, but if you’re fumbling with seeing what’s going on in the first place, you may not care. Decent enough, and the best handheld excursion for the Third Echelon guy, but still not as good as it could be.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

Whew! Got through those in record time, didn’t we? Next week, we’ll have even more fun, including not only a look at some of the newest Xbox 360 games, but also a look back at the SILENT HILL series, including a review of the new movie and UMD tie-in. Until then, keep your (gaming) unit on ya…

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Addicted to Bad
by Patrick Keller

International Intrigue
by Alison Veneto

Nocturnal Admissions
by D.K. Holm

Strange Impersonation
by Kim Morgan

Trailer Park
by Christopher Stipp




New DVD Releases
for April 11, 2006

DVD Diatribe
by D.K. Holm

DVD Late Show
by Christopher Mills




Preachin' from the Longbox
by Britt Schramm

Should It Be a Movie?
by Marc Mason

New Comic Book Releases
for April 12, 2006, 2006




New CD Releases
for April 11, 2006

Music for the Masses
by M.C. Bell




TV Recommendations
Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
by Scott Bowden

TV Pilot Review Archives
by Chris Ryall



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