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Week of March 13, 2006

You can take "The Peacemaker," "Deep Impact," and "The Tuxedo." We'll take "Gladiator," "American Beauty" and anything else that didn't suck.

Emilio's 17

Yeah, like he needed all that overpriced crap anyway...

This lawsuit's going to make 'House Party' look like 'House Party Two!'

I told you... don't call me SENIOR!!

Maybe this is all a bad dream too?

Thanks Sharon, but I think I'll wait until this one comes out on DVD (so I can freeze frame of course)

There is absolutely, positively no nepotism in Hollywood. None.

You're good, baby, I'll give you that... but me? I'm magic.

This band will go down like a lead balloon

Well, Goodbye there Children...

They can't sell the Capitol Records building! What will be left to destroy in the next crappy 'end of the world' movie?

Same old Courtney - still sponging off Kurt

Panic on the streets of Austin

You're a fat, Botox faced, wig-wearing ninny! Oh yeah? Well your band has a dirty H addict as a lead singer!

Black Sabbath, Blondie, Miles Davis, The Sex Pistols, Lynyrd Skynyrd Enter Rock Hall



01 THE BREAK-UP $39.17
$12759/av

02 X-MEN: THE LAST STAND $34.02
$9159/av

03 OVER THE HEDGE $20.65
$5170/avg

04 THE DAVINCI CODE $18.61
$4953/avg

05 MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE III $4.68
$1756/avg

06 POSEIDON $3.49
$1283/avg

07 RV $3.20
$1469/avg

08 SEE NO EVIL $2.04
$1607/avg

09 AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH $1.36
$17615/avg

10 JUST MY LUCK $855K
$892/avg









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GAME ON!

By Ian Bonds

August 19th, 2005

Things are taking a decidedly dark turn this week on Game On! We explore two new games out this week with a slightly morbid theme in each, as well as a hands-on first look at a game that looked bright, but has darkened my hopes quite a bit. Want to know what I mean? Read on, dear friends…

AFRAID OF THE DARK

Everybody is into first person shooters these days. What with HALO, UNREAL, DOOM, they’re everywhere. So, it’s hard to come up with good ideas that haven’t been done to death yet. That’s where DARKWATCH enters, a new FPS out this week for PS2 and Xbox. Here, you play as Jericho Cross, an outlaw with penchant for gold. On one night train robbery, you accidentally unleash the lord of the Vampires, Lazarus, and he takes a liking to your neck. Now you’re one of the unholy themselves, and through the help of the Darkwatch, a band of vampire hunters, you must stop Lazarus, and hopefully revert your soul back to normal.

The great part of this game isn’t just the vampires, though. It’s the fact that it’s vampires IN THE OLD WEST. So you’ve got undead gunslingers shooting back at you. You’ve got haunted mine shafts that are REALLY haunted. You’ve got shotguns and carbine rifles that pack a nasty punch to the living AND the deceased. Plus, with your curse growing, you’re picking up extra abilities as well. Depending on your choices in the game, you can either choose to save folk and remove the very curse from them that plagues you, or just feed on them the way a vampire would. There are also vampiric powers you can unlock as you collect the souls of the undead you’ve made…re-dead. The powers sit upon either the good or evil side of morality, but honestly there doesn’t seem to be much use to them. One could finish the game with just the normal powers your given (double “vampire” jump and a zoom in “blood vision” that highlights foes and doorways) rather than the good/evil ones you unlock.

It’s not all running and gunning here, either. No, there’s often riding and gunning, or driving and gunning as well. Jericho has a few scenes of riding on horseback picking off foes, or the occasional driving through the desert on the “Coyote”; DARKWATCH’s answer to HALO’s warthog. While these scenes are fun, sadly they’re a bit few and far between, and don’t last very long when you do get to play them.

The game is peppered liberally with cut-scenes that tell a unique, albeit predictable, story.
The voice acting is superb, however, and is highlighted by the performance of none other than Rose McGowan as the bad-ass Tala. What really stands out in this game isn’t all the bells and whistles given to make the game look pretty, however, it’s how it plays that matters most, and DARKWATCH handles like a dream. FPS fans will want to pick this one up if only to experience the finesse and smoothness of the control.

And while the single player game is entertaining in its own right, the real meat and potatoes of the game is multiplayer. The Xbox version supports split screen and up to 16 players online in deathmatch, team deathmatch, and soul hunter game types. The PS2 sadly doesn’t feature online support, but does include two player split screen co-op not found in the Xbox version, as well as an extra exclusive level.

So, while it may not be the best FPS out there, it certainly is one of the most unique, if only for the vampire hitch. The multiplayer is solid, however, and the vampire jumps used within make for some very interesting aerial shootouts. Pick this one up if you’re getting tired of the same hum-drum games of HALO, for a shooter with a bit more teeth.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

DEATH BECOMES HIM

For a game that was shown as the first title for the PSP, it sure has taken a bit longer for us to finally get to play DEATH JR, but here it is. The story of the son of the Grim Reaper, DJ (as his friends call him) goes on a field trip the museum. His friend Pandora finds a mysterious box (clever) and DJ cracks it open, only to unleash a horde of demonic creatures that warp the world around him. What is it with these guys unlock bad shit?

What initially looks like a Tim Burton fantasy gone platformer game, is actually…well, a Tim Burton fantasy gone ballistic shooter. DJ has his scythe and can jump around a good bit, bit he cane also pick up weapons (given to him by the conjoined twins Smith and Weston) in order to blast away at the toothy baddies that litter the environments. More RATCHET & CLANK than SUPER MARIO, DJ will have you circle-strafing in no time, picking off baddies with your twin pistols, and then closing in to finish ‘em off with a slice of the scythe.

Control is fairly basic here. The R shoulder button is your lock-on button, and DJ will switch between targets with the L shoulder button. What hampers this game, sadly, is the camera. While running about, the camera will EVENTUALLY swing around to follow DJ, but it doesn’t just follow him normally. It’s a bit jarring, and when you tap the L shoulder (when not locked on to a foe) the camera jumps behind DJ a second later, adding to the jarring motion and the overall confusion.

The game looks decent enough, but the level design doesn’t seem all that original, given that we’ve seen these stages in a few other games lately (most notably PSYCHONAUTS,
which shares not only an asylum with DJ, but a Meat-themed level as well). All that aside, however, and there’s still much to enjoy here. The characters are lively (for being slightly dead-ish), the control (once you get the hang of the camera) is spot on, and the graphics are colorful and fun, especially for being such a dark-themed game.

While the camera brings the points down a bit, I still thoroughly enjoy playing this game. It is a bit of murder on my thumbs with the shooting, but that’s a small price to pay for a quirky, fun title that doesn’t take itself too seriously. It may not be the killer app we’ve been waiting for on PSP, but it certainly will fill the void until that title arrives.

One Gamer’s Opinion:

PREVIEW: MARVEL NEMESIS

Remember last week, how I said the only two games from EA I was looking forward to were the new BURNOUT and EA’s Marvel fighter? I take it back. MARVEL NEMESIS: RISE OF THE IMPERFECTS is going to suck. I got some hands-on time with the demo, and I must say, I’m really disappointed in how this game is turning out.

First, there’s the intro cut-scene, which shows Captain America, the Punisher (who’s last game was by THQ) and the HULK (who’s last game, and newest game due next week was published by Vivendi Universal) all disappearing as a result to a strange attack. It’s a unique way to show why they’re not in the game (a.k.a., the other companies that currently hold the gaming rights to these characters for Marvel wouldn’t allow them in it, maybe?) but it’s still kind of lame.

Then there’s the characters that ARE in the game. From the start, it appears that Spider-man, Iron Man and Wolverine are in the game, but in the demo, only Spidey and Electro…er, I mean Johnny Ohm are selectable. Johnny is one of the 8 new characters EA has created for this game. So for those of you who, when you heard a MARVEL/EA fighter figured you’d see Cyclops VS John Madden, or Venom duking it out with one of the SSX girls, thankfully that’s not so. However, the characters come out with some of the worst one-liners to begin a fight (Johnny Ohm introducing himself with ‘Here’s Johnny”?) and the ones for the Marvel characters seem totally OUT of character. For example, when Spider-man wins a fight, he exclaims “that’s what we call a web-swingin’ ass-kickin’!” No it isn’t, and no we don’t. That’s what we call lame. Not to mention the crappy Tobey Maguire sound-alike they hired to do Spidey’s voice. He sounds worse than the guy in the Visa Check card commercial.

The final nail in the MARVEL/EA coffin is the actual gameplay. Here’s where you’d hope to find something resembling fun, but are once again disappointed. What was described in a few media articles on the game as EA’s take on POWERSTONE, it’s actually more like DEF JAM: MARVEL. For starters, there is only ONE attack button. One. Uno. Singular. You can modify your attack style by pressing the right trigger, which lets your character use their special move (such as Spidey’s webshooters). There’s a mobility button, which, as the name suggests, gets you around the arena quicker (Johnny floats on streams of electricity), a grab/throw button, a dodge/block button (which is not used like a typical block, one must time the press with your opponent’s attack in order to avoid or counter it) and a jump button. Then there’s your ‘rage” meter. After a series of successful attacks, a meter builds up under your health bar. You press the R trigger when it indicates, and the character suddenly glows red…with “rage” apparently. I figured this was used to the same effect as DEF JAM, letting you use your super move, but that’s not so. Try as I might, I couldn’t figure out how to pull one off while enraged. Only after the rage subsided was I able to execute what I can only imagine was the super move. I held in the right trigger and pressed the grab/throw button, and was treated to a cut-scene where I trounced my foes with a series of blows. It was the only good part of the game.

Sure, the environments are destructible and there’s plenty to pick up and throw. And sure, there’s characters here that haven’t made it into any MARVEL fighting game yet (Daredevil and Electra are here, and so are Johnny Storm and Ben Grimm…but where are Sue and Reed?). All in all though, the fighting is INCREDIBLY bland, and the attacks never vary much whether using the modifier or not. It’s just mindlessly mashing on the ONLY ATTACK BUTTON YOU HAVE until your foes is defeated. Boo.

Hopefully, they’ll correct some of these quibbles by the time the game comes out. However, considering its due next month, I somehow think not. EA, thanks for not letting me down again. You once again prove that you suck, suck, suck.

Until next week, dear gamers

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Addicted to Bad
by Patrick Keller

International Intrigue
by Alison Veneto

Nocturnal Admissions
by D.K. Holm

Strange Impersonation
by Kim Morgan

Trailer Park
by Christopher Stipp




New DVD Releases
for April 11, 2006

DVD Diatribe
by D.K. Holm

DVD Late Show
by Christopher Mills




Preachin' from the Longbox
by Britt Schramm

Should It Be a Movie?
by Marc Mason

New Comic Book Releases
for April 12, 2006, 2006




New CD Releases
for April 11, 2006

Music for the Masses
by M.C. Bell




TV Recommendations
Boob toob picks of the week by Chris Ryall

Kentucky Fried Rasslin'
by Scott Bowden

TV Pilot Review Archives
by Chris Ryall



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