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GAME ON!
By Ian Bonds
July 22nd, 2005
Greetings, fellow gamers, and welcome back to another week of Game On! Before I get into this week’s reviews, I want to address the recent news about the ESRB’s decision to change the rating on GRAND THEFT AUTO: SAN ANDREAS from Mature to Adults Only. In case you haven’t heard, the Entertainment Software Rating Board has changed the rating of the newest GTA game from M to AO, due to the availability of a newly released mod (or modification) to the game. This mod, known as “hot coffee," allows players (as the game’s main character CJ) to have sex with his girlfriend in a mini game. Now, this is not initially part of the finished product. It was never meant to be. In fact, the only way to access this mod is either through downloading the crack for the PC version (a third party crack, mind you, not sanctioned or authorized by the game’s publisher, Rockstar Games), or by using a cheat device (which are, by the way, also not officially licensed for use with game consoles) in conjunction with a few actual developer’s codes on the PS2 or Xbox versions to hack into the system. Both of which are technically illegal actions as far as the developer are concerned, since they alter the code in the game itself to achieve results not intended by the game’s programmers.
Well, I should say not intended to be in the final version. See, as is proven by the fact that the “hot coffee” mini game is in the console versions as well as the easily modded PC version, the developers of the game obviously DID create the mini game. Since a cheat device like Action Replay doesn’t create new animations using pre-existing code (like most PC mods do), and just alters the already existing code to allow certain events to happen, such as unlimited health or, in this case, allow a hidden sex mini game to be played, Rockstar’s claim that the mod is the result of ambitious hackers seems to fall a bit flat.
However, I honestly don’t think this warrants a new rating for the game. This is just ONE mini game, in a game surrounded by actions of theft, thug life, and general mayhem. And to be perfectly honest, the “sex” isn’t really all that graphic. There is no genitalia shown, no penetration visualized. It’s just two bodies moving rhythmically back and forth. Hell, the sex scenes in LEISURE SUIT LARRY’s last game were more graphic, even in the M rated version. Explicit depictions aside, this does not detract from the fact that this hidden mode is exactly that: HIDDEN, never meant to be unlocked, at least by conventional means. The fact that you have to go through a huge amount of code placement not only into a cheat device, as well as entering button commanded cheats makes the argument for an Adults Only rating seem almost moot. They seem to want to rate a game for content most folks who play the game won’t ever come across in normal gameplay.
Hilary Clinton feels that the ESRB should examine the content of games more closely now because of this revelation of hidden sex. Honestly, that doesn’t really bother me that much. What bother’s me is the change in rating for the game because of this. The graphical content (meaning how graphic the depiction is, not how the graphics look) of this scene is no worse than what has appeared prior in other games that actually center around the act of copulation (namely, the aforementioned LEISURE SUIT LARRY game, although an AO version does exist for the PC). What also bothers me is the continual claim that content such as this is what makes our kids bad, demoralized, whatever. Oh, so fucking, or procreating, or continuing the cycle of life is bad, but shooting pimps, stealing money and such is what makes us a well-rounded society? This is, once again, a small hidden part in a game that already received a rating for content that IS shown over what isn’t. The rating already says MATURE, as in the equivalent of a rated R movie. AO would be the equivalent of a film rated NC-17 or X, showing graphic, prolonged scenes of sex and violence. The “hot coffee” (so-called) mod does not. Sure, it’s a bit crude, and badly done, but that’s why it wasn’t included in the final version (through normal gameplay). Besides, if you’re so worried about your kids seeing it, why don’t you enforce the rating already given? I mean, Mature means no kids under 17, right? If parents would actual raise their kids instead of letting TV and games do it for them, they wouldn’t have anything to bitch about when something like this comes along.
Basically, I just think the rating should stay at Mature, if only because the main, easily viewed content of the game hasn’t changed, and that the newly discovered content isn’t graphic enough to warrant the harsher rating. Not that this will hurt Rockstar in any real way. If there’s one thing that the past has shown us, there’s no such thing as bad press. If people complain about games like MORTAL KOMBAT with its violence, what suddenly starts to sell well? That’s right, MORTAL KOMBAT. A simple addition the content label would suffice, but the change in rating has retailers scrambling to pull the game from shelves (though not outright stopping the sale of it, just limiting it to those of age with proper ID) and folks scrambling to get one of the original unaltered copies for their very own. Sure, Rockstar is going to release a new version of the game with better security to prohibit hacks, mods and cheat devices from uncovering this unused code, but there’s still all the killing and violence still in the game, and something tells me, there won’t be a Teen rated version anytime soon. If you don’t like it, don’t let your kids buy it. Take an active part in what they game with. Regulate. Be a parent. Otherwise, you’re just adding fuel to the fire. Mature is enough of an “over 17” rating, just so long as it’s enforced. Mislabeling a game for content that isn’t even part of the standard gameplay is just overkill. But what do I care, I’m just a consumer who was actually RAISED by my parents to tell the difference between right and wrong.
Anyway, let’s get to this week’s reviews. Remember what I said last column, about how original games are few and far between? Well, this week is no exception to that rule as last time was, as we not only have two games based on licensed properties (a game of a movie that’s based on a book no less, and a game based on an anime TV series) but we also have a game that’s a port of a PC title... which itself is an update of the same PC title from years ago. Add to all of this a frikkin’ PINBALL game, and you have a pretty unoriginal week, right? Well, wait right there, cats and kittens, you may have assumed too much. And as they say, when you “assumed," you made an ass out of u and me…and Ed. Or however that goes.
FLIP THE SCRIPT
I’ve never been a fan of video game versions of pinball. The idea just seems dumb to me, and no developer has ever been able to simulate the look and feel of a pinball table accurately. That is, until now. FLIPNIC is a pinball game for PS2 that REALIZES it’s a game, and not a pinball table. Rather than trying to squeeze a table onto the screen, all the settings in FLIPNIC are environments, rather than tables. And that makes all the difference.
The controls are seriously simple. The left d-pad directional arrow is used to move the left flipper and toggle a few bumpers up or down, and the circle button is for the right flipper…located at the exact opposite end of your controller. It’s not exactly the feel of a pinball machine, but it works for the most part (if you want to switch them to the other buttons, you can, or any other set up you might want). You can also slightly nudge the “table” with the shoulder buttons, and you can even “tilt” out, but that’s all standard pinball fare. What isn’t so normal is the places where you little silver ball will go.
The game has 5 different pinball environment themes: metallurgy, biology, optics, geometry and theology. Each environment is 3D and completely surrealistic as you go up and down pipes, bounce on bumpers and fishtail around the world. Each environment has a series of missions, and if you want to unlock the next “table”, you have to complete
a few before moving on. This is where the game becomes addictive. Beyond the normal “high score” deals you get with most pinball games, this one has you facing UFO attacks by racking up a multiball score, or freezing an environment to unlock a hidden realm behind a water fall for more scoring capabilities. It’s all very weird, but all really a lot of fun.
The addictive nature comes from the weird hybrid aesthetic of pinball versus normal video game gameplay. The various missions within each environment help solidify that you’re playing a video game, but the fact that you’re doing it with flippers and a silver ball all hold that special pinball feel right in it’s heart. The degrees of challenge range from simplistic to outright hair pulling difficult, and it’s clear fun all the way through. For someone who’s not a fan of video pinball, this is exactly what needed to be done to the genre.
The best part of the game is that it’s practically a steal at $20. The challenge is there for pinball enthusiasts, and for those who want a little more “game” in their video pinball games will have even more to cheer about. Just call me the pinball wizard.
One Gamer’s Opinion:
GUNDAM IT ALL
So, apparently, there’s this anime show about giant robots…imagine that. Well, one of the more popular ones is MOBILE SUIT GUNDAM, which from what I understand is one of the longest running space dramas ever. There’ve been a few games on it, but the most recent one, GUNDAM VS ZETA GUNDAM, out now for PS2, is the most ambitious one yet, featuring over 50 different mobile suits, most of which can transform into a mobile armor form, and has you duking it out in various settings. Problem is, there’s really not much to it other than that.
When I say there’s not much to it, I mean it in the most severe way possible. Each mobile suit has their strengths and weaknesses, but unless you’re at all familiar with the show, you probably won’t notice them much between all the different ones you can select, and the different alliances you can be a part of; be it AEUG, Titans, Federation or Zeon. So you end up selecting whichever suit looks the coolest and get set to duke it out with various other big ass robots. Sure, that could be fun. However, the combat is at it’s most basic, driving any fun out of big robots beating the fuck out of each other and straight into the ground.
Each suit has two different attacks: gun or plasma sword. That’s it. Two attacks, two buttons. There’s a jump feature, and you can transform, but movement (as is expected for a giant lumbering metal man) is slow and cumbersome. I wish there were some
variety to the attacks other than “shoot from a distance, swing a sword up close” but there isn’t. No melee types, no special attacks of any note. Sure, if you attack your foe from a different angle, or jump then attack, the move is slightly different, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still mashing on the SAME DAMN BUTTON to do it all.
Then there’re the backgrounds. While looking much like the show and featuring, albeit initially, interesting landscapes, you’ll come to realize that many of the static surroundings are just that: static. There’re really not interactive, and also not very detailed. But hey, you’ve got giant robots! The space battles are even worse. You’re a giant cumbersome robot IN ZERO GRAVITY and you have to try to float your big dumb ass towards the bad guy robots and attack them. Now it’s cumbersome AND floaty.
I really wanted to like this game. And, I suppose, if you’re a fan of the series, you’ll get a bit more enjoyment out of it than I did. Sadly, however, there’s really not much here for me to recommend it to anyone but a fan. There’s plenty of stuff from the shows with characters, scenarios and the ever-mentioned mobile suits. Beyond that, there’s clumsy combat and button mashing galore. With all the stuff that you can choose for the game for fans of the show, good gameplay should have been at the top of the list.
One Gamer’s Opinion:
CHARLIE AND THE PIKMIN FACTORY
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So the marketing machines have done it all again. Another movie, another rushed tie-in. This time, CHARLIE & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY has been pumped out and primed for PS2, Xbox, Gamecube, PC and GameBoy Advance. Following the general story of the film (which follows the classic Roald Dahl book) you play as Charlie Bucket, who through a small spot of luck manages to find the last golden ticket to take a tour of Willy Wonka’s magical candy factory.
The console version tells the tale through some rather well rendered cut-scenes, and the first two stages (naturally, the tutorial levels) do a good job of getting on accustomed to the controls. Sadly, once PAST these levels, however, things take a turn for the bizarre, and not in that Tim Burton/Johnny Depp kind of bizarre. As Charlie, following the events in the film and book, you must stop the heinous little children from wrecking the candy factory, or saving their wretched little lives when they do get into trouble. Generally this means whipping Everlasting Gobstoppers at things, but mostly it involves minor jumping puzzles, and commanding the Oompa-Loompa’s to do your bidding. In a sort of PIKMIN take on control, you get the little guys to follow you around, then you
order them to loosen a pipe, unclog a drain, or harvest a jelly bean tree. Bizarre, menial tasks that honestly would be more fun if you did them yourself rather than bossing around someone shorter than you.
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And so it goes. Another stage, another bit of orders to give to the vertically challenged. There’re power-ups to be had by eating candy, and some can be used as weapons or devices to gain access to other areas, adding a weird amalgamation of a platformer onto this LEMMINGS like title. The sad thing is, half way through each stage, you’ll get stuck, if only for the fact of not being able to tell what you need to do next, or how you’re supposed to do what you need to do. The two tutorial levels didn’t deal with what goes on IN the factory, so once you get there, you’re almost at a loss. Which sucks for a kid's game.
The graphics are passable, and the voice acting is decent (with some of the children returning to their parts from the film) but overall it seems…well, as I’ve said, rushed. The GBA version of the game actually is a bit more fun, as it’s the more straight-forward
of the versions. Here it’s a side-scroller, with you as Charlie running and jumping along, collecting power-ups and letters to unlock bonus mini-games and pictures from the film. Oddly enough, the GBA version actually features clips from the film (in still photo) while the console version chooses to render the scenes in game graphics. Very odd.
The game isn’t horrible, but the lack of real direction in the console version seems to make it a bit too challenging for the younger audience it’s aimed at. The GBA version at least softens the blow, but it too can have a few hassles by way of puzzles with seemingly no answer later in the game. If anything it’s a rental, but only if you want to relive the film as a weirdly animated game with clumsy control instead.
One Gamer’s Opinion: (console)
One Gamer’s Opinion: (GBA)
PIRATES! OF THE CARIBBEAN
Our final game this week comes to us as a port of a pretty darn successful PC game. SID MEIER’S PIRATES!, out now for Xbox, takes the general PC game and streamlines it for the home console. What you get is a fun, open-ended amount of gameplay peppered with entertaining bits of whimsy and mini games galore.
The PC game was one of last year’s hits, and it itself was a remake of an old Mac game of the same name from 1987. In the newest version, you live the life of a pirate; hijacking ships, plundering for booty, buckling every swash, pitching woo at fair maidens and Governor’s daughters and generally being a scallywag. The game features some ingenious open-ended gameplay. There is a bit of a mission at hand involving revenge for your families capture, but you really don’t have to follow it. Here, you can do basically whatever you want as far as the life of a pirate is concerned. What to trade between merchants? Fine. Battle on the open seas? Done. It’s the clever mix of the two, as well as a bit of swordplay and some minor sneaking into unfriendly ports that makes the ruffian life so appealing.
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As you travel from port to port, gathering crew and learning what you can about the surrounding areas from the locals at the Tavern, or even the Governor of that particular town, you start to see how open the game truly is. You can choose to follow the leads you’re given, or just float about and shoot down ships. If you pick an alliance to a particular country, you’re often rewarded with rank among your countrymen, allowing you to pass safely through their town, despite your generally unethical behavior. Attack the countries your alliances are at war with, and you gain their favor. Or you can just not worry about that an attack every ship you come across. Doesn’t matter, the more to plunder!
The gameplay for the Xbox version has been seriously shaven down, but you’d be remiss to notice it. The world map is whittled down to half of what it is in the PC version, but that only serves to shorten travel time between ports. Every mini game is simplified for the Xbox controller, and handles breezily well. From ship to ship battles, sword fighting,
land skirmishes and even dancing, the control is minimalist at best, but part of the fun is that fact that it IS so simple.
There is no true “ending” to the game. You can either avenge your family, or while away the days as a buccaneer on the high seas of the Caribbean until you’re old enough to retire from the scoundrel’s life. Beyond that, you probably could continue just doing as you wish until you tire of the bounty. The simplistic nature of the graphics and control scheme makes the game maliciously (and deceptively) addictive. You’ll be planning to go to Havana to bring in a known criminal and collect the reward on his head, but along the way you run into a notorious pirate, defeat him, and raise yourself up the ranks of notoriety yourself. You could discover a treasure map and decide a side quest for booty might be to your liking, since it’s on the way to your other goal. Pretty soon, you’ve blown 5 hours in the game and it’s 6 o’clock in the morning, with you needing to get that last bit of sleep before you wake up at 8.
I love games like this because there’s no right or wrong way to do things. That isn’t to say there’s no challenge either, but the satisfaction one gets from achieving even the smallest of goals in a pirate’s life (such as obtaining more ships in your fleet and reaching the rank of Admiral) is such an addictive one that you get lost in playing. Simple fun is almost always the best fun.
I gush over this game, if only because I enjoy it so much. There’s a weird sort of euphoria that comes from turning the game on, looting a few hundred ships, raiding a few calls of port, then turning it off and returning to reality, satisfied that you’ve accomplished something with your day. Makes you feel like a real pirate in a way, just escaping that threshold of reality. Just what games are supposed to do.
One Gamer’s Opinion:
And with that, we bring yet another column to a close. I’d love to hear your thoughts on my reviews, and especially my commentary this week, so feel free to drop me a line with the e-mail link here. See you all next time.
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