In France

[TomHarrington]

In another thread, Dangerseeker wrote:

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I'm still waiting for the report that France was a Saddam sympathizer, and were actually hiding the WMD's for them. Of course, with the anti-French sentiment, it would definitely go over well if we invaded them.

[/ QUOTE ]
Hello from France, where I've just completed a full scale invasion! I now occupy the territory and should make an official announcement to the Associated Press later today.

How did I do it? How did I single handedly conquer the largest Western European nation? Well, obviously I can't disclose trade secrets. I can't have you snatching the former French Republic away after all my hard work. Get your own country! I'll tell you this: It weren't easy. Not having an army or suitable weaponry, I simply had to convince the French people that surrender was in their best interest.

I'll give you a hint, though. The French do have an Achilles heel. It is a weakness that defies explanation, in light of their 99% literacy rate. Qui. Mr. Jerry Lewis, everyone. Know now the awesome power of this evil comedic genius, and beware. I can't say much more without giving away vital information.

So goodbye Jacques Chirac and hello me! There's a new Sheriff in town, and he wants your cheezits. I'm allowing the French people to stay, so long as nobody gives me any guff. If they don't appreciate my generous nature then they can go to Switzerland, for all I care. For the most part, things will remain the same. For the most part. Ok, I lied. Things will change radically, and that's where you come in!

Aside from the national language now being English, and myself becoming the new "top frog", there are two more changes that I had in mind:

1) A New Name. The name France has too much baggage. We need to start anew. Tabula rasa! France needs a new name and you need something to do, maybe. I'll be making a decision this weekend, based on your entries. If nobody submits a name proposal by then, I will name the country myself. The people of France beg your participation.

2) Welcome to the worlds biggest theme park! The country formerly known as France will soon be converted into a theme park. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to pick that theme. The same rules apply: I'll make my decision this weekend, and apathy on your part will put the fate of the French people in my hands. Help them, you brutes!

So pick a name for the country, who was up until recently called France, and pick a theme for the park that you think will delight visitors and citizens alike. Of course, there will be a prize/prizes for winners and participants. See what I mean about the generous nature? From the sunny shores of the Mediterranean, I bid you adieu.

[ratm1966]

SH!T! Yup, we can call it Sh!t. They are after all so full of sh!t. They have sh!t for brains. They are currently on our sh!t list. Lastly, they don't know sh!t about winning a war.

Theme Park? How about Sh!t. Yup, we can just keep piling up the world's sh!t on their country until it is so full of shi!t, it actually smells better. The whole idea would be to guess where the sh!t is from. (Oh, this is Hungarian sh!t, and this over here is Mexican sh!t.) The grand prize goes to the person who can guess which pile is the French sh!t. It of course would be the group of Frenchies standing off in the corner, as we all know the French are the biggest piles of sh!t around.

[karmattack]

Well, maybe my answer is too easy but it alleviates the question of both #'s 1 and 2 on your list:
Just rename it Wally World and leave it closed all the time.

[DangerSeeker]

I'm thinking of something that almost threatens to be educational, but bear with me. I'm thinking of a cautionary park dedicated to events of historical importance, but mainly the ones that would make memorable rides.

You could do age of dinosaurs, ice ages, etc, but I think a Crusades arcade, the Chinese Waterslide Torture, Revolution Land, the Black Plague-round, and Pearl Harborplace would be interesting. I think the point should be to highlight every nation as an oppressor, dictator, whatever, through history. The emphasis on fair representation that everyone can be evil, and that now everyone can have fun!

As for names, I have several ideas:
Spain. I think it would be pretty funny, no?
CocaCola - See what kind of cash you can get.
Landlock Island
Sparky

[brycejmcewen]

DangerSeeker- "Spain. I think it would be pretty funny, no?"

Did you used to work for the CFL (Canadian Football League)? We used to have 9 teams in the league, and two of them were nicknamed the "Roughriders". How sad is that? 9 teams and we were recycling names. There are 30(?) teams in the NFL and none of them have the same name. Well, this is very off topic.

Congratulations on your conquest of France Tom. This is why you were voted "Most Likely to become a Dictator" in High School.

[karmattack]

So that joke in the April-Fools, Not Without My Anus, Terrence and Phillip episode was REAL? At the end of the episode, they are at a Roughriders vs. Roughriders football game. I had no idea and I don't know if that makes the joke funnier or not. /forums/images/icons/confused.gif

[Zens_7s]

hmmm....As for #2, I think it should be called "Fronnce - wee our thee laand of een-vent-see-own!" (Sound it out) aka, We are the land of invention.

There would varying exhibits cover all the important contributions to commerce and science that France has created or takes credit for creating. Here are some highlights:
* French Kissing
* French Maniqures
* French Ticklers
* French Frys
* French Toast
* French's Mustard
* French Horns
* French Silk Pie
* French Revolution: Where they say "Let them eat cake" all day, and actually serve French Silk Pie in a French Horn
* French Quebec
* Gerard Depardieu

[brycejmcewen]

Oh, it's true. The story goes that both teams started practicing and playing around the same time, on other sides of the countries, and since it was the early 1900's, the flow of information wasn't the greatest. Then they both joined the CFL, and nobody thought, "Hmmn, maybe we shouldn't have two teams with the same name."

But one team has folded, and then when they brought a team back to the city, they named it something other than Roughriders. So now we only have one Roughrider team. To tell you the truth, I kinda miss two Roughrider teams.

[Razorback]

Call it Los Idiotas Hipócritas (I have no idea if that is grammatically correct) and make the official language Spenglish.

RB

[karmattack]

Would crepes and croissants be in the museum too? Croissant is just fun to say [quaw-SOH! quaw-SOH!]. And I love crepes. My mom makes the best crepes. It's a family recipe that comes, through a couple generations, straight from Bordeaux, Wally World. Yes, that's right -- I'm Wally Worldish-American.

[Psyche]

fantasyland where all your sexual desires come true

stinky cheese not included

=x

[Zens_7s]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I'm Wally Worldish-American

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...And you seemed so normal. Yes, we can include Croissants in our tour of Frenchificated objects. Only if you promise to post said recipe here.

[psychofiend]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
fantasyland where all your sexual desires come true

[/ QUOTE ]
Yay she's back and still saying the things that make us love her. /forums/images/icons/grin.gif

[Psyche]

heh i never left......though i do think some people on this msg board only thinki am the way that i am b/c i want attention...i can't help it if i was born this way =] =x

[psychofiend]

anyone who thinks you do that for attention is a deusch.

[Psyche]

hehehehehhe yer cool =] im gonna PM you now

[psychofiend]

k... I don't know what that means.

[Psyche]

dern worry bout it =P

[TomHarrington]

Vive le Sparky!

DangerSeeker’s name suggestion is the winner for the contest! As far as the theme goes, there were two winners: DangerSeeker and Zen 7’s. The park will be broken up in to sections. DangerSeekers’s idea will be become the “Faux Pas Park” section of Sparky. Zen 7’s contribution becomes “Déjà vu Village.” You will both be compensated with wonderful prizes.

As promised, anyone who participated wins a prize. Just for playing you win this nostalgic 'France Pack' : One crock of French onion soup, an order of super-sized French fries, one French tickler (I'm not sure what this is. It looks like a cross section of a Koosh Ball, so I imagine it's a toy of some kind), one French horn, and three French hens.

Zen 7’s wins:

- The French Connection (VHS or DVD)
- A French Connection promotional poster signed by Fat Thomas, location consultant for the film.
- A lifetime pass to our magnificent park (Pass does not include cost of admission, food, drink, or other items available at the many concession stands throughout at the park. )
- A painstakingly realistic facade of the abbey of Saint-Denis, for your home.
- a 1958 Renault Goulette, to get you to and fro.


DangerSeeker wins:

- a limited edition copy of Jean-Paul Sartre's critically acclaimed book: So, you wanna be an existentialist?
- The beautiful city of Péril Chasseur (Formerly Lille). Located conveniently close to the Belgium border, you’ll never be at a loss for quality chocolates or sugar beets.
- Didi Conn ( Food, clothing, and housing for Ms. Conn are the sole responsibility of the prize winner.)
- A French Vanilla ice ream sundae. (Alright, I skimped on this one, but I did give you a city! Try to keep things in perspective.)

[DangerSeeker]

I'm already planning to sit in the middle of my town square, which for shiggles I'm calling Trapezoid, discussing existentialism with Ms. Conn. But she can't have any of my sundae!

Thanks! I always wanted my own villa!

[ratm1966]

Well, if my suggestions didn't win, then I will stop posting on this thread....sniff sniff

[TomHarrington]

Your suggestion was fine, it’s just that I had a meeting with my board of tourism and they decided that you had probably overestimated the appeal of human waste. While they did concede that the poop theme would probably generate a small amount of German tourism, for the most part the idea was a stinker.

That being said, you did receive the standard prize package, just for participating. But the contest is over so we can let this thread rot, like the Rutles. If I ever do one of these stupid threads again, you are encouraged to participate.

[Zens_7s]

I just want to state how freakin' excited I am to win a Renault! I must say that Danger's villa is a bit nicer than what I received, but I can use the Renault to drive over and crash on his French Country furniture.

Look, here I am... Coming to visit... http://www.practicalcaravan.com/towcar/renault.jpg

[DangerSeeker]

Plenty of room at the villa! Planning ahead, based on the party, all of the ficuses (ficae? ficees?) are made of plastic.