Funny true stories

[DePoy]

Judging from when I lurked here before, I'll bet you all have some good ones. For the sake of simplicity, I'll make my first two about poop.

I forget if it was my 1st or 2nd year of college, but someone took a dump about 2' long by 8" wide in the community bathroom. Our RA then made viewing it a "spontaneous program", replete with sign-in sheet and a photographic documentary. A huge poo became an official program.

After a booty call to another dorm, my friend found out how fortunate it was that he wore baggy shorts. He felt "the need" and pulled up a pantleg, dropping a deuce on the sidewalk in front of the Music Building, which was right next to our dorm. There it remained for the better part of a week; grounds and maintenance just worked around it and let it slowly decay.

[freetoaster]

Excellent work. Fecal Freak!

[Shäne]

How's this for funny? This guy (http://kspsor.state.ky.us/sor/servlet/SOR?id=718) was the janitor at my elementary school. :eek:

[puggso_32]

What is 3rd degree rape?

Is it like 3rd degree burns...you know, same as 1st degree only not as intense?!

[Shäne]

510.060 Rape in the third degree.
(1) A person is guilty of rape in the third degree when:
(a) He engages in sexual intercourse with another person who is incapable of consent because he or she is mentally retarded;
(b) Being twenty-one (21) years old or more, he or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person less than sixteen (16) years old;
(c) Being twenty-one (21) years old or more, he or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person less than eighteen (18) years old and for whom he or she provides a foster family home as defined in KRS 600.020; or
(d) Being a person in a position of authority or position of special trust, as defined in KRS 532.045, he or she engages in sexual intercourse with a minor under sixteen (16) years old with whom he or she comes into contact as a result of that position.
(2) Rape in the third degree is a Class D felony.
Effective: July 12, 2006
History: Amended 2006 Ky. Acts ch. 182, sec. 31, effective July 12, 2006. -- Amended 2002 Ky. Acts ch. 259, sec. 7, effective July 15, 2002; and ch. 282, sec. 1, effective July 15, 2002. -- Amended 1988 Ky. Acts ch. 283, sec. 12, effective July 15, 1988. -- Created 1974 Ky. Acts ch. 406, sec. 86, effective January 1, 1975

[puggso_32]

510.060 Rape in the third degree.
(1) A person is guilty of rape in the third degree when:
(a) He engages in sexual intercourse with another person who is incapable of consent because he or she is mentally retarded;
(b) Being twenty-one (21) years old or more, he or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person less than sixteen (16) years old;
(c) Being twenty-one (21) years old or more, he or she engages in sexual intercourse with another person less than eighteen (18) years old and for whom he or she provides a foster family home as defined in KRS 600.020; or
(d) Being a person in a position of authority or position of special trust, as defined in KRS 532.045, he or she engages in sexual intercourse with a minor under sixteen (16) years old with whom he or she comes into contact as a result of that position.
(2) Rape in the third degree is a Class D felony.
Effective: July 12, 2006
History: Amended 2006 Ky. Acts ch. 182, sec. 31, effective July 12, 2006. -- Amended 2002 Ky. Acts ch. 259, sec. 7, effective July 15, 2002; and ch. 282, sec. 1, effective July 15, 2002. -- Amended 1988 Ky. Acts ch. 283, sec. 12, effective July 15, 1988. -- Created 1974 Ky. Acts ch. 406, sec. 86, effective January 1, 1975

....I was going for a joke, way to kill my buzz ;)

[Shäne]

....I was going for a joke, way to kill my buzz ;)

I typed all that for nothing? :eek:

[DePoy]

Odd that that is a Class D.

So if someone is dumb enough to be officially retarded and is at a bar and you assume they're drunk (but they are just really low on the IQ scale)...and you take them home...??

[BOP TILL U DROP]

I know this is really old, but I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT DUMB ASS SAID THAT! (spread)

[Armpit Rocket]

This is how I originally wrote it in another communuity I used top participate in, told from my perspective and my own touch of overdramatization for your entertainment... P.S. Michele is the Mrs. Rocket, just to avoid any confusion.The emotes are a new touch though...

All you need to know for the set up is, I have a weird paranoia of someone breaking into my home and killing Michele and I while we sleep.:confused:


So the other night me and a couple friends went out for coffee before one of them headed out of town. I got home about 10:30 p.m. and played videogames and posted on 1up till about 1:30 a.m. I then went to bed, fell asleep pretty much right away...


Jump to unknown a.m. time. Michele gets up to get a drink of water. as she gets out of the bed she notices I stirred in a very uncomfortable way. So she trys to play it quiet. But when she gets to the foot of the bed, she kicks one of her slippers and the noise awakens me.



Switch to my point of view. I am now about 7% awake after dreaming about god knows what and there seems to be a tall figure at the end of the bed... No shit, I let out an insanely lout noise somewhere between banshee scream and war-cry. :eek: Needless to say I scare Michele so bad she cannot even talk!(remember she is only about 19% awake) Her voice goes completely horse as she almost passes out. Now there is a deep voiced stranger at the foot of the bed moving toward me going "It's me, it's ok, I'm right here, It's ok.". But I'm only 7.5% awake and pretty sure the mother fucker is moving in for the kill! :mad:


Back to Michele's POV. She just got the war-cry of doom :eek:, damn near collapsed to the floor and is now trying to comfort me so niether of us end up having a heart attack. But now, I'm in the bed flailing around like an epileptic making grunting noises similar to a gorilla trying to defend myself. But being the tough girl she is, crawls onto the bed and calms me down. Pulse probably about 140 and she's shaking like a kid at neverland ranch.


Back to me. I'm finally about 40% awake and chill the hell out. But my pulse is doing about 170, damn near on the brink of explosion and I'm shaking like Robert Downey Jr. at a piss test. So we just lay there for a bit holding each other like, WTF just happened. So she says something along the lines of "What the hell was that? You damn near gave me a heart attack!" I replied with "You scared me first, I thought someone broke in and was trying to kill me!" All I remember after that was talking how if there was not 5 inches of snow on the ground to drown out the scream, I would have probably woke up half the neighborhood. Then we just laid there and laughed for about 10 minutes. Michele finally built up the courage to go get a drink, by the time she got back I was fast asleep and she could not fall back to sleep. Then I started snoring and she could not sleep for shit the rest of the night... Yep that's it. No more coffee for me.

[BOP TILL U DROP]

This is how I originally wrote it in another communuity I used top participate in, told from my perspective and my own touch of overdramatization for your entertainment... P.S. Michele is the Mrs. Rocket, just to avoid any confusion.The emotes are a new touch though...

All you need to know for the set up is, I have a weird paranoia of someone breaking into my home and killing Michele and I while we sleep.:confused:


So the other night me and a couple friends went out for coffee before one of them headed out of town. I got home about 10:30 p.m. and played videogames and posted on 1up till about 1:30 a.m. I then went to bed, fell asleep pretty much right away...


Jump to unknown a.m. time. Michele gets up to get a drink of water. as she gets out of the bed she notices I stirred in a very uncomfortable way. So she trys to play it quiet. But when she gets to the foot of the bed, she kicks one of her slippers and the noise awakens me.



Switch to my point of view. I am now about 7% awake after dreaming about god knows what and there seems to be a tall figure at the end of the bed... No shit, I let out an insanely lout noise somewhere between banshee scream and war-cry. :eek: Needless to say I scare Michele so bad she cannot even talk!(remember she is only about 19% awake) Her voice goes completely horse as she almost passes out. Now there is a deep voiced stranger at the foot of the bed moving toward me going "It's me, it's ok, I'm right here, It's ok.". But I'm only 7.5% awake and pretty sure the mother fucker is moving in for the kill! :mad:


Back to Michele's POV. She just got the war-cry of doom :eek:, damn near collapsed to the floor and is now trying to comfort me so niether of us end up having a heart attack. But now, I'm in the bed flailing around like an epileptic making grunting noises similar to a gorilla trying to defend myself. But being the tough girl she is, crawls onto the bed and calms me down. Pulse probably about 140 and she's shaking like a kid at neverland ranch.


Back to me. I'm finally about 40% awake and chill the hell out. But my pulse is doing about 170, damn near on the brink of explosion and I'm shaking like Robert Downey Jr. at a piss test. So we just lay there for a bit holding each other like, WTF just happened. So she says something along the lines of "What the hell was that? You damn near gave me a heart attack!" I replied with "You scared me first, I thought someone broke in and was trying to kill me!" All I remember after that was talking how if there was not 5 inches of snow on the ground to drown out the scream, I would have probably woke up half the neighborhood. Then we just laid there and laughed for about 10 minutes. Michele finally built up the courage to go get a drink, by the time she got back I was fast asleep and she could not fall back to sleep. Then I started snoring and she could not sleep for shit the rest of the night... Yep that's it. No more coffee for me.
wow.

[phit_demon]

That was quite funny. I particularly enjoyed:

...I'm in the bed flailing around like an epileptic making grunting noises similar to a gorilla trying to defend myself. But being the tough girl she is, crawls onto the bed and calms me down. Pulse probably about 140 and she's shaking like a kid at neverland ranch.

Thanks for making me laugh. :D

[Armpit Rocket]

That was quite funny. I particularly enjoyed:



Thanks for making me laugh. :D


Good, anytime I can lighten someones day, bonus!

[BOP TILL U DROP]

Good, anytime I can lighten someones day, bonus!
Shut up, funny kid. (He he he he....)