If you were the last human left on Earth…

[Antonio_Bay]

…you could watch Glitter & Crossroads all you wanted, and not get mocked about it.




(I got this idea from reading a readers chat back section on AICN.com regarding I Am Legend, but I thought we could do better.)

[Czaple]

...you could find one of these
http://www.iah.bbsrc.ac.uk/images/scrapie%20sheep.jpg
and one of these
http://www.lisp.com.au/~newnes/pics/st_cliff.jpg
and see if the stories are true.

[marksiwel]

...you could find one of these
http://www.iah.bbsrc.ac.uk/images/scrapie%20sheep.jpg
and one of these
http://www.lisp.com.au/~newnes/pics/st_cliff.jpg
and see if the stories are true.
i dont understand

[Czaple]

i dont understand

It may be better that you don't.

[BOP TILL U DROP]

i could finally read my books, but my glasses would break.

[karmattack]

i dont understand

If you push them toward a cliff, they might......push back.


I know, I know. TMI. But if I have to walk around with that information in my head, so does everyone else.

[marksiwel]

Last man on earth? I would find a way to get power going for atleast a year, then I would eat indulge myself on anything and everything. Then kill myself with sleeping pills.
Now if I was the last man on earth,and there was a last woman on earth, boinking lots of it.

[karmattack]

Then kill myself with sleeping pills.

Wait, you're the last person on earth and you would end it with sleeping pills? You could do anything you wanted. You could paint a giant X next to the Sears Tower, dress up like Superman and jump off. You could pack the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile full of dynamite and sail it over Niagara Falls. When the aliens come down to repopulate earth, someone has to make them wonder what the fuck happened.

[marksiwel]

Wait, you're the last person on earth and you would end it with sleeping pills? You could do anything you wanted. You could paint a giant X next to the Sears Tower, dress up like Superman and jump off. You could pack the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile full of dynamite and sail it over Niagara Falls. When the aliens come down to repopulate earth, someone has to make them wonder what the fuck happened.
Death by Jello

[JediScum]

If I were the last human on Earth ... (drumroll)... I'd probably jerk off a lot. So I guess it would be no different than now. (cymbals crash)

[dtcb]

Last person on earth! I'd make jackets and Tshirts about being the "best __ on earth!" Insert anything you want. Racecar driver, chef, guitarist, heartsurgeon, etc. Wear one a day; use it for toilet paper the next day.....who cares.

Oh and definitely unfettered jerking off on an empty planet. I would do it in everywhere in public where I was thinking of sex (which is everwhere.) High on the list: Any fast food counter, Airport Terminal especially at security (mannequin in Homeland Security uniform mandatory for Bukakkea), Toll Booth, Walmart while screaming "Cleanup on Isle 10.....and 11!!!", and possibly into the killer whale tank at SeaWorld just to show some bravado and say "Free Willy!" while doing it.

Aliens would find an 80 year old man's corpse crumpled in a smashed rocket car somewhere in the grand canyon with only a t-shirt on that said, "Eat me Knievel!"

[BOP TILL U DROP]

Walmart while screaming "Cleanup on Isle 10.....and 11!!!"

not fair. i work at walmart. and some little kid pulled out his wee wee and peed in the middle of the furniture department yesterday. wow, kids these days...

[By-tor]

...I could finally lay claim to having, and being, the biggest dick on the planet. Ahhhh, sweet irony.

[Spacemeat]

...I could finally lay claim to having the biggest dick on the planet.
Oh, you don't need to be the last human left on Earth to retain that title, sweetie.

[By-tor]

Oh, you don't need to be the last human left on Earth to retain that title, sweetie.Well, thank you, sir. You is the shiz-nitzzle. ;)

[Antonio_Bay]

...I could finally lay claim to having the biggest dick on the planet.

And if you think about it, also the smallest one. ;)

[Czaple]

And if you think about it, also the smallest one. ;)

Now that is certainly a glass half empty/glass half full observation if I ever saw one.

[By-tor]

And if you think about it, also the smallest one. ;)You should know me by now. I choose not to think.

[Helldiver]

The only difference for me would be that no one would be around to either enjoy or bother me about the stuff I like to do. That and I couldn't be arrested for doing those things might make em less fun.

[Rampansam]

First, I would go to the Crayola factory and eat all the blue crayons. Then, I would go into Leanord Maltin's house and rearrange all the furniture and urinize on all his plants. Then, I'd go to the zoo, find a hippo, and force feed it a bunch of gasoline, shove a lighter up it's fat ass, and kick it in the nuts until it exploded. After that was finished, I'd go to the airport and teach myself how to fly an airplane. After I was confident enough with my aviation skills, I'd soar into the wild blue yonder, and fly to Grace Land, and park the aircraft on Elvis's grave. I would put money in the meter next to the tombstone, and go to the nearest convenience store, where I would chain smoke every single cigarette in the establishment, and drink a shit load of beer. After this task was completed, I would go to the nearest police station, and take all the drugs. I'd snort some cocaine, go back to my plane, and put a brick on the gas pedal (or whatever, I don't know no pilot mumbo jumbo) and laugh as the aircraft took off, content in the fact that it would crash into something funny. The plane would crash, make a hole in the earth, and the universe would collapse under it's own whatever, and I would die. The end.

Fuck Godzilla.

[everpresentpast]

I would be able to take a nap without being bothered. Finally!

[DarthMaulRat]

First, I would go to the Crayola factory and eat all the blue crayons. Then, I would go into Leanord Maltin's house and rearrange all the furniture and urinize on all his plants. Then, I'd go to the zoo, find a hippo, and force feed it a bunch of gasoline, shove a lighter up it's fat ass, and kick it in the nuts until it exploded. After that was finished, I'd go to the airport and teach myself how to fly an airplane. After I was confident enough with my aviation skills, I'd soar into the wild blue yonder, and fly to Grace Land, and park the aircraft on Elvis's grave. I would put money in the meter next to the tombstone, and go to the nearest convenience store, where I would chain smoke every single cigarette in the establishment, and drink a shit load of beer. After this task was completed, I would go to the nearest police station, and take all the drugs. I'd snort some cocaine, go back to my plane, and put a brick on the gas pedal (or whatever, I don't know no pilot mumbo jumbo) and laugh as the aircraft took off, content in the fact that it would crash into something funny. The plane would crash, make a hole in the earth, and the universe would collapse under it's own whatever, and I would die. The end.

Fuck Godzilla.

Hahaha... Ok, this guy gets my thumbs up of approval. Not only did he spout out utter insanity with perfect grammar, but he felt the need to cap it off with 'Fuck Godzilla'.

[Omaru]

My top ten list of things to do would be:

10. Ride supermarket trolleys up and down the aisles crashing into displays.
09. Play with artifcats in the museum, especially samurai armour and swords.
08. Go to sleep in different furniture stores in faux room displays.
07. Park cars into a gridlocked position and safely from a distance, blow them up from the middle.
06. Long roadtrips, go see all those places I wanted to see
05. Get me all the latest consoles and games and play til my fingers bleed
04. Build myself a fake woman, or have a mannequin orgy.
03. Throw things from the top of tall buildings, start with pennies, work my way up to bikes
02. Walk around places in the nude (if the weathers good for it)
01. Kill myself through eventual boredom or paranoia

[Rampansam]

Hahaha... Ok, this guy gets my thumbs up of approval. Not only did he spout out utter insanity with perfect grammar, but he felt the need to cap it off with 'Fuck Godzilla'.

For some reason, this post made me laugh uncontrollably for a good 10 minutes. I'm glad you enjoyed my completely insane post, and I certainly enjoyed your response.

EDIT: I just had the idea to write "Fuck Godzilla" on a dollar bill. Now to spend it on drugs and spread the message around. I encourage all of my supporters to do the same. Maybe I can start a website where I sell "Fuck Godzilla" merchandise.