Customer Horror Stories.

[indigo]

More than a few of you, I'm sure, have worked/are working in retail at some point in your lives. And I'm that even more of you have experienced the legendary stupid customer in the process. Share stories of dealing with them, witnessing, or hearing about them.


For a little over a year, before leaving for school, I worked at a movie theater that had just opened in my town. In hindsight, it was a good job, and I enjoyed the hell out of it... But, there are, of course, a few times when you want to loose faith in fucking humanity. Comes with the territory, I suppose.

On opening day, as expected, we were bombarded with a whole bunch of excited folk who could barely comprehend what was going on. (Not much happens in Wallingford, it's a huge town, but it's mostly made up of housing developments... The most exciting thing that goes on is the yearly cross-town high school football game.) So, I guess a couple of dumb opening day questions were to be expected. I was working the concession stand that day, and this one was one of my favorites:

Her: "So, everything is free, right?

Me: "Uh. What?" (First day. First job. I wasn't properly trained in the polite customer service bullshit.)

Her:: "It's your opening day, so someone told me that everything would be free."

That same woman, a few days later, came up to the concession stand:

Her: "Someone told me that you guys show free movies on Wednesdays!"

Me: "Wait, what?"

Her: "Like, old movies! My friend told me."

I'm still not sure if this chick was for real. If she was, she clearly had some very mean friends. If I had any balls, I probably would have asked her what in god's name would make her think that was a good business decision. I wouldn't end up growing a pair until much later over the course of the gig.

The best moments, however, came from ripping tickets. There's nothing bad about that job. It's almost like free money. And especially since all the auditoriums were located in the same hallway, there was literally nothing to it. Rip the ticket, hand them the stub, regurgitate the information located on their stub, and point them in the right (the only) direction. The only thing that could be CONCEIVED as negative would be that you're immediately held responsible by the customer if anything goes wrong. You're the first one they see, so, it's to be expected.

One woman was bringing her two small children (I'd go as low as five and six) to see Saw 2. Now, the folks at the box office are supposed to remind neglectful parents that grotesquely violent pictures are given the "R" rating for a reason... But, if they still insist, you've got to give them the goods. So, with an eyebrow arched, I ripped her ticket, and directed her towards the theater.

Fast forward ten minutes later. The chick comes out, grasping her two kids by the hands, in a huff.

Her: I want my money back. This is way too intense for them.

Gee, what tipped you off, lady? The clearly stated R rating? The two severed fingers on the logo? The tagline: "Oh yes, there will be blood"? The premise?

Dumb cunt. Try parenting for once.

Then, my all time favorite:

Most of you have probably noticed that a lot of those Disney/Pixar flicks have both normal theatrical releases, as well as special 3D screenings. The commercials, of course, don't feel the need to specify that only select theaters will show the film in 3D (which means, I think, only ONE other theater in the entire state of Connecticut). It doesn't confuse a lot of people... but, enough people bring it up to annoy me.

One family comes up, looking a little confused. They were going to see "Chicken Little", or something like that.

Father: "So, where do we get our 3D glasses?"

Me: "Oh, sorry. Only select theaters are showing the film in 3D. We only have the normal theatrical release."

Father: "...So, you're showing a 3D movie, but you're not giving the 3D glasses? What the hell!?"

Me: "...No, sir. The movie isn't showing in 3D here. Norwalk is probably the only theater that shows it like that.

Father: "...AND WE STILL HAVE TO PAY THE SAME PRICE!? THAT'S A RIP OFF!"

(Mind you, this was on a Tuesday. Tuesday's are $5 days. All shows. All day. All night.)

Mother: "Yeah, that is a rip off!"

Kids: "Yeah!"

Me: (annoyed, because a line is building) "No, it isn't. You'd be paying fifteen dollars a ticket to see it in 3D."

(...I have no facts to back that up. That's how much IMAX is though, I think.)

Father: "...Oh."

...He felt stupid, and that's all that mattered.


So, that's all that I can think of at the moment. As I was typing them, I realized how lame they are-- so, post your own. Hopefully they're a bit more amusing.

[phit_demon]

there are, of course, a few times when you want to loose faith in fucking humanity.
I have never wanted to lose faith in humanity. Despite this, I do so on an almost weekly basis.

Dumb cunt.
No real reason for quoting this, I just wanted one of the world's last buzz words to get another viewing. :eek:

[By-tor]

I used to work for my grandfather at his auto parts store. This was before Auto Zone and O'Reilly's and others like them put the small businessman out of business. Anyway, inevitably several times a month a customer(read fucktard, here) would call:

Fucktard: I need an alternator for my car.

Grandfather: Sure, what kind of car do you have?

Fucktard: It's blue.

Grandfather: Can you hold, please?

Needless to say, my grandfather, would put them on hold and call the dumb bastard every name in the book. Cracked me up everytime. Some people should be sent to Idiot Island at birth. :rolleyes:

[Razorback]

Working in IT I have had some strange ones:

Caller: My computer doesn't work

Me: What is happening exactly?

Caller: It doesn't work.

Me: Ok, so the computer won't turn on?

Caller: It turns on but then it doesn't do anything.

Me: So it turns on but nothing happens on the screen?

Caller: Yep.

Me: Did you turn the monitor on?

Caller: How do I do that?

Me: On the bottom right side of the screen you should see a big button. Push it.

Caller: Oh.... oh... OH! Thank you!

I did not make that up.

[phit_demon]

Some people should be sent to Idiot Island at birth.
That's what the Brits used to call Ireland back in the day. Good times. :rolleyes:

[Razorback]

That's what the Brits used to call Ireland back in the day. Good times. :rolleyes:

I KNEW IT!

[phit_demon]

I KNEW IT!
Razorback steppin' out with the missus:

http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/paramount_pictures/war_of_the_worlds/ice_cube/warlapreg2.jpg

[Razorback]

Damn, I look good.

[JK]

Back when I was a police officer over in Italy, I had a guy come up to the window when I had the unfortunate pleasure of working the front desk... (Some will say that isn't exactly customer service, but I say it is.)

Numbnuts: I want to report my car stereo stolen. It was taken out of my car...

Me: Okay, let me get the form.

I get the documents and we go through the preliminaries- name, rank, location of the incident, etc. Then we get to the meat of the report...

Me: What kind of stereo was it?

Numbnuts: Pioneer... it was a pullout...

Me: Your pullout stereo was stolen?

Numbnuts: Yeah. It was stolen.

Me: Did you leave it in the dash?

Numbnuts: Yeah.

Me: Was the vehicle locked?

Numbnuts: Huh?

Me: Were the doors on your car locked?

Numbnuts: Oh, no... I don't think so.

Me: Did you at least have the windows rolled up?

Numbnuts: No...

Me: You drove your vehicle downtown into Vomero, left the
vehicle unsecured, doors unlocked, windows down, and your
$200 Pioneer PULLOUT stereo in the dash and you are
suprised that it is gone?

Numbnuts: Will the Navy reimburse me for a new radio?


At this point, in my minds eye, I could see myself drawing my Colt M1911A-1 service pistol, loaded with 145 grain-full metal jacket .45 caliber ammunition, pointing it right between this doofus' eyes and pulling the trigger until all seven rounds had eliminated this threat to the human gene pool.

In reality, all I could do was tell him 'no' and file the report.

He's probably the fucking commander of the sixth fleet by now...

[indigo]

Oh. Oh. Oh. I've got another one.

The boss took the fourth of July off... something he usually does on holidays. The other managers were usually pretty cool, and as long as shit got done, didn't really care what we did. Being "in" with the managers helped a lot too, and got me out of a lot of trouble (...and work, most of the time)... So, things like walking around with a massive phallus made out of dough usually went unmentioned when the boss returned.

It was a pretty slow night, considering that the fireworks were going off across town... So, our cook (yeah. we had a cook), Guido, and I decided to embark on a mission we had been talking about since day one. Build an elephant out of ticket stubs.

And we did it.

It took a couple of hours, some tape, and a lot of stubs, but we actually built an elephant (...SOMEONE has a picture. I have to locate it.) It looked slightly retarded-- but, we were proud of it still. So, it went displayed on the little booth I stood behind to rip tickets.

Some bitch comes up, hands me her ticket, looks at the elephant and says: "Wow, you guys have a lot of time on your hands."

She insulted our elephant.

I told her the end of her movie. Victory was had.

[phit_demon]

Damn, I look good.
Young, black and gifted...

[Razorback]

I worked for a pizza place for some years and we had a policy that if a customer complained we would just remake the food or give them back their money.

So, one day we get a call from a customer who had ordered an Angelos Special. The phone girl had told the customer it had "everything except for anchovies" on it (I heard her take the order). He was screaming about how we had given him pork and that he was a muslim and could not eat pig.

My boss told him he was sorry and that he would send him a new pizza without pork. My boss sent me to go pick up the pizza and give the customer a new pie.

I went to the customer's home and gave him the new pizza. The customer returned the other pizza box... with half a slice of pizza left.

[indigo]

I worked for a pizza place for some years and we had a policy that if a customer complained we would just remake the food or give them back their money.

So, one day we get a call from a customer who had ordered an Angelos Special. The phone girl had told the customer it had "everything except for anchovies" on it (I heard her take the order). He was screaming about how we had given him pork and that he was a muslim and could not eat pig.

My boss told him he was sorry and that he would send him a new pizza without pork. My boss sent me to go pick up the pizza and give the customer a new pie.

I went to the customer's home and gave him the new pizza. The customer returned the other pizza box... with half a slice of pizza left.

Oh, yeah, you have to love those fucking people.

[DarthMaulRat]

Here's a fun one from working the balloon counter at Party City:

Customer: How much are balloons?

Me: .59 a piece or 5.99 a dozen.

Customer: How many are in a dozen?

Me: (pause as I try not to laugh) ...12.

Customer: Okay, i'll take a dozen.

Me: What color balloons would you like?

Customer: I'll take 5 white balloons, 5 black ones, 5 silver, and 5 gold.

Me: That's 20 balloons, 'mam.

Customer: (really long pause) ...how many are in a dozen again?

[indigo]

Two more that took place while taking tickets.

It was a weekend afternoon, I think. A short, older, ratty looking dude with a thick spanish accent walks right past the box office, past the concession stand, and comes straight to me.

Him: You have three eck?

Me: Wait, what? Excuse me?

Him: You have three eck?

Me: Three eck? What are you--?

Him: The secks movie! The porno!

Mind you, this dude is standing right next to a poster for "The Pink Panther" and "Curious George".

Me: What the fuck!? No, dude. No.

He got embarrassed and walked away. I'm amazed the dude mistook our nice, new, classy theater-- Filled with families-- for a porn theater.


Then, there was this one time, a father and his, say, twelve year old son come out of a theater. The father has him by the hand, and it's very apparent the kid has some kind of mental disability. So, they walk past me, and I give that lame, I'm-On-The-Clock smile. Suddenly, the kid breaks away and smacks me right in the fucking chest. Hard, too. Blew me back-- Partially because I was so surprised, and partially because I a puny little fuck, with no resistance or strength.

I'm still not sure what his problem was.

[ratm1966]

Scenario #1:
Customer (walks into my office): Our fax machine doesn't work.

Me: How is it not working?

Customer: Someone is trying to send me a fax, but it isn't ringing.

Me (walk to their office): I power up the fax machine and it starts to process the fax.


Scenario #2:
Customer (Same as #1): Our network printer doesn't work.

Me: Is it turned on?

Customer: Yes

Me: Is the computer it is installed on turned on?

Customer: No

Me: Okay, just go turn that computer on and it will work.


Scenario #3:
One of my IT technicians has to move some computers because one of the offices wants to rearrange their office.

IT Tech: I put the computer back together and it isn't working.

Me: Was it working before you moved it?

IT Tech: Yes

Me: How is it not working?

IT Tech: It won't power-up.

Me: Is it plugged in?

IT Tech: Yes, I have everything plugged into the same power-strip it was plugged into before.

Me: Does the light in the power-strip light up showing it is receiving power?

IT Tech: Ididn't check that.

I walked into the office and noticed that not only did the IT Tech plug the CPU, monitor, and printer into the power-strip, but he also plugged the power-strip into itself.

[By-tor]

but he also plugged the power-strip into itself.Freakin' classic!! :D

[acid_soda]

Hahahaha what a retard XD

[TLS]

Senario:
I'm the hostess in a busy/crowded icecream restaurant. I am told to take on the register to help out. (Note: It is very noisy so people have to yell to each other.)

Customer: Do you have any factory ice-cream?

Me: Uh, I believe all ice-cream comes from some sort of factory.

Customer: No, do you have any FACTORY ICE-CREAM. (Saying it loader and slower)

Me: (a little confused at her need to know)
"Um, Let me check to make sure...."
(I ask my manager- who is extremely busy, and he doesn't really hear me and just nods- so I return to the register).
"Yes, it is factory ice-cream."

Customer: Arughhh, DO YOU HAVE ANY FACTORY ICE-CREAM!!!!

Me: Factory ice-cream, is that what you are saying... I can't hear you very well. Factory ice-cream, yes, all of it is factory ice-cream!

Customer: (Get's extremely pissed and walks away while yelling, alot.) The guy she was with tells me that she wanted Fat-Free ice-cream.

Me: Oh.
(By then my manager came and relieved me of register doody.)
I went to go cry because the lady said some really mean things and yelled an awful lot.

Stupid people and their Fat-free ice-cream. She could've just read the big friggen sign that said we have fat-free chocolate ice-cream.

[marksiwel]

We had a problem with a dog (i'm a dog groomer) minor cut on pad (shit happens).
The Vet was closed, so we told the guy take him to any vet, we will foot the bill and take care of any issues that arise.

He says he wants the haircut finished. Told him, hey your dog wont let us, thats why he got cut. Then the dude starts ranting about it being only a 3 pound dog (its a yorkie, size of a gallon of Ice Cream) and how come we cant finish its hair cut with scizzors and clippers twicve the size of it

He then says if the dog gets an infection he is going to sue us. But he doesnt have time to take it to the vet.

Then he starts getting "personal" with his insults. So I step up to him tell him more or less. This stuff happens if he really wants to sue us it will be hard when we offered to take care of medical costs but he doesnt have time to take it to the vet.

Then he said he didnt apperciate the way I was talking to him, I told him I didnt like the way he was speaking to us and that he was being ass and needed to grow up.

He came back and told everyone he was sorry. So I win. Douche bag

[Razorback]

Did someone say factory ice cream?!

I want some!

[JK]

One day, about 8 years ago, I was sitting in master control, just minding my own business, enjoying the fact that I didn't need to deal with the public in any way. Then the phone rang.

Me: Control this is Joe

Dingus: Who?

Me: This is Joe, what's up?

Dingus: That's not a very professional way to answer the phone. This is the Channel Four control room right?

Me: Yeah, who is this? (This was after all, an internal extension that could only be reached from inside the system- or by being transferred from another extension that is available to the public...)

Dingus: I want to know why the fucking NBA isn't on!

Me: NBA?!? It's Saturday afternoon, there is no game today. We have ice skating until 6pm.

Dingus: Well, the listing in the newspaper says the NBA is supposed to be on so you better switch it over right now.

Me: Sir, we take a feed from NBC out of New York. Ice skating is what they have programmed for today. There isn't much else I can do for you, other than to say the newspaper was wrong.

Dingus: Let me guess, you just push a fucking button and then sit on your ass- goddamn monkey. I'll just watch the NBA on another channel. Fucking button-pushing Nazi...

Me: Good luck finding the NBA on another channel, asshole. If you'd have paid attention, you'd know that it's "NBA only on NBC!" Retard.

Dingus: You little mother fu...

I hung up and refused to answer the phone (or the door) for the next four hours.

[Razorback]

You know... you are a push-button nazi monkey.

That should be your title.

[JK]

You know... you are a push-button nazi monkey.

That should be your title.

Sig Hisenburg!




What?



I don't know, it's time to go home...

[ratm1966]

Freakin' classic!! :D

Yeah, that SOB didn't live that down for quite a while.

We have a password cracking tool that runs on our network here to search for people that like to violate our password restrictions and use things like dictionary words or keyboard patterns. We had a rash of people getting their accounts locked because their password was cracked. So, another one of my IT people got up in front of everyone and ranted and raved about the situation and how people needed to comply with the password protocols. She came to me the next day to tell me her account was locked because her password was cracked. I busted out laughing, took a few minutes to tell another IT person to unlock her account (I was still laughing to hard), and then walked around to let everyone know her password was cracked. She was mad at me for a while....I am not sure why.

[Razorback]

IT people often think security policies don't apply to them. ;)

[freetoaster]

Early in school I worked as a checker at a large grocery store.
On one stand-out day I had a gentleman in his mid-fifties promise to wait for me in the parking lot. "You're running the register wrong." "I'll kick your ass." He cussed at me the whole time, while his wife just looked at the floor. The customer behind them in line came back in to tell me, "He's actually waiting out there for you."

[marksiwel]

Early in school I worked as a checker at a large grocery store.
On one stand-out day I had a gentleman in his mid-fifties promise to wait for me in the parking lot. "You're running the register wrong." "I'll kick your ass." He cussed at me the whole time, while his wife just looked at the floor. The customer behind them in line came back in to tell me, "He's actually waiting out there for you."


AND! What happened?

Cliff Hanger Posts are the worst.

[freetoaster]

I think his wife probably talked him down, or set his head on-fire later. I never went out to get my ass kicked though.

[Razorback]

I think his wife probably talked him down, or set his head on-fire later. I never went out to get my ass kicked though.

See, the second someone says they want to kick my ass it is ON. :)

[marksiwel]

I think his wife probably talked him down, or set his head on-fire later. I never went out to get my ass kicked though.

If I come to Denton in March can we wrassle in a Parking Lot?
DO you know Beth?

[freetoaster]

If I come to Denton in March can we wrassle in a Parking Lot?
Right behind the Whataburger on Ft. Worth Dr.

DO you know Beth?
Does Beth wanna wrassle me too?

[Skinny Vinny]

I vote the Whattaburger on Valentines Street in Fort Worth. That is my favorite haunt when Zen actually takes me for a ride in the car. When she feeds me fries it gives me gas but it's worth it just to hear her cough and then roll down the windows.

[fearevil]

I remember this one time while i was working in an aquatic center. And of corse we sold all kind of fish Tropical fish,Marine,Freshwater and all that jazz. This one day this guy came in bought a clown fish which is marine and needs saltwater (just for you guys who dont know an awful lot about fish). So he tells me he's got a marine tank and that he's got salt in it. And he wants to buy a clown fish for his kids because they have seen finding nemo. So i thought yeh fair enough he told me he wanted to buy so i took the fish out the tank he paid for it and off he went.

Later on in the day he calls up. I answer the phone.

Guy: My fish has died.

Me: Did you clamitise it properly.

Guy:yep.

Me: what salt you got in it.

Guy: table salt.

Ok so the guy thought he could use factory made table salt to put in his fish tank.

Me: Yeh that might be your problem your suppose to use marine salt. which is availble here.

Guy: My friend told me i could.

Me: well he was wrong im affraid. you did'nt have any other fish in there did you.

Guy: yep erm.. we had some gold fish and there dead too. i could'nt get my money back could I?

Me: Well no.

And so ends the conversation he hung up after i told him he could'nt get his money back and we never saw him again. But after imbarassing him self like that i suppose he would'nt want to come back.

[DarthMaulRat]

The table salt thing is pretty stupid but there's a lot of people who don't know jack about saltwater fish and the specific conditions they need to live. But regular goldfish in saltwater? Now that's pretty damn funny.