Some things adults learn from kids

[Captain Spaulding]

I was surfing the internet, bored as usual, and I stumbled across this page that listed a few things that adults learn from kids. I have a bunch of friends who have little kids, but none of my own. I spend enough time with all of them to know that this list is completely true:

There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

A 4 year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing a superman cape.

It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh" it's already too late.

A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak -- it explodes.

A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

Duplos will not.

Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

Super glue is forever.

McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

Pool filters do not like Jello.

VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

Plastic toys do not like ovens.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

It will however make cats dizzy.

Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

[Captain Spaulding]

If there's some funny stuff you've learned by having a kid, or by being around them enough, post it here. I know I've witnessed at least half of the stuff on that list to know it's all true. I used to live with 4 other friends and their girlfriends, there were 12 kids total in an 8 bedroom house. All of them were under 6 years old.....and I was the only one without a job. So that meant that I was the nanny. That was how I learned how to take care of kids. Eventually all the kids would climb all over me when the parents left, pulling my hair and yelling "Giddyup Uncle Steve!" Oh, fun times, fun times...

[Antonio_Bay]

I’ve learnt from working in my local school, that when a panic-stricken 10 year old runs up to you and hurriedly exclaims, ‘um, you know so and so…he did it…I told him not too…I’ve come to do the right thing and inform you of his heinous crimes…’

...usually translates into; ‘It was me. I made him do it. I made them all do it. I am the mastermind. Please, please punish the innocent child instead so I can go unscathed and plot my next creative act of rule breaking without interruption.’

[freakenmoron]

My 13 year old daughter informed me the other day that, I'm not cool anymore.:confused:

[Droogan_Leader]

My 13 year old daughter informed me the other day that, I'm not cool anymore.:confused:
Well, that's kind of depressing, but I'll give you a friendly neighbor advisory, on a board financed by Kevin Smith, your sig won't win you a lot of "this newb is a brainiac and he's cool" points. KS writes, directs, acts. Search him on IMDB.

All I can say in relevance to this thread is it is true that kids say the darndest things. They are amazing.

[JK]

...I'll give you a friendly neighbor advisory, on a board financed by Kevin Smith, your sig won't win you a lot of "this newb is a brainiac and he's cool" points. KS writes, directs, acts. Search him on IMDB...


Never heard of him.

[whatthefuckistheinternet]

Never heard of him.
Its ok buddy I found you a picture of him.
http://www.golftodaymagazine.com/0603/images/s17%20Kevin%20Smith,%20SCGA.jpg

[Droogan_Leader]

Never heard of him.
You're wrong, man. You're wrong.

[Denyse]

I learned that using swear words in front of a child because he/she "doesn't understand what I'm saying anyway" will guarantee that said child's first word will be a swear word.

I also learned that if you hear a thump upstairs and you call upstairs and ask your girl child what that noise was, she will always answer "Nothing". Call upstairs and ask your boy child what the noise was and you'll get "Johnny just dropped the cat down the Laundry Chute...It was so cool!!!"

[freetoaster]

It was so cool!!!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFVlJAi3Cso)

The only thing I learned was to wash my hands.

[FanGirl]

There are a few missing from the original email that was sent around:

A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it

You probably do not want to know what that odor is

The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time

2:00 AM is not a good time to hear, "Daddy, diapers don't flush!"

No time is a good time to hear, "Daddy, your tires are 'hisssssing.'"

You never want to hear, "Watch me fly!" coming from the roof

Nor do you want to hear, "Your new cel phone doesn't work underwater."

Driveway seal coating and children DO NOT MIX!

Never light fireworks inside

Under the bed is not a good place to save snowballs for summer

Daddy's shoe is not a good home for a pet tarantula

Hiding uneaten vegetables in daddy's shoes is not good

Bugs are not a dietary supplement

Walnuts make the blender act funny

Scissors and hair are often a dangerous combination

Collecting things is good

Collecting things that come out of your nose is not

Eating string is a bad hobby

Discovering string the next day is a disgusting hobby

Finger painting is good

Finger painting walls is dangerous

If you hear the words, "Can ya eat a lizard's tail?" it's too late

If you hear the words, "Guess what's in my hands?" you don't want to know

If you hear the words, "Guess what's in my mouth", you REALLY don't want to know

“Fan” and “flour” should never be heard in the same sentence

The toilet does not make a permanent fish aquarium

Most toilets cannot consume an entire roll of toilet paper without choking

Any sentence which contains the word “Oooops” is bad

Any sentence beginning with, "How much do you love me?" means “prepare for bad news”

Throwing daddy's wallet in the trash compactor can change his mood

Opening all 24 of daddy's cans of beer is a bad idea

Hiding parts of daddy's computer can make your butt hurt

Lipstick on the TV screen changes mommy's mood

Fish cannot use a remote control, even if it’s placed in their tank

"Why do fish float?" means trouble

Any sentence beginning with, "When [your pet's name] dies..." is never a good sign

Setting the hamsters free changes the cat's mood

Cats do not like to be wrapped in duct tape
Cats get even

When you tell someone "brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it" they want to go see if it's true.

[Omaru]

Button bashing is a great way to temporarily beat adults at a video game

Screaming uncontrollably loud works much better though.

[JK]

You're wrong, man. You're wrong.

Actually, Kevin Smith was valedictorian and class president of my graduating class. Vidor High School Class of 1991. I out-scored him on the SATs and he was pissed because, I was in fact, a lazy nobody in high school.

Oh, you must be talking about a different Kevin Smith...

[ratm1966]

I learned that using swear words in front of a child because he/she "doesn't understand what I'm saying anyway" will guarantee that said child's first word will be a swear word."

I also learned this. My daughter wasn't even 2 yet and she said "Fuck". It wouldn't have been so bad, but we were in the toy department of a store instead of the privacy of our own home. She asked for a toy and I told her no. She said fuck. (At least she used it in the right context.) I heard a gasp behind me, turned and saw some little old lady standing there with her jaw hanging open. Yeah, I picked my daughter up out of the shopping basket, left it there in the ailse and walked out. I had to go back later to actually buy the items I was there to buy in the first place.

[Humongus]

this christmas we took my little 2 year old daughter to have xmas pics made.

basically she called the photographer at kmart a bitch
true story.

[boobookittyfuk2007]

I learned the other day that Silly Putty in a 3 year olds hair will give you a headache. Also, for all you moms and dads out there who happen to come across this problem in the future, baby oil works wonders. Took me awhile but I got it out in no time after I decided to ASK.com it. The internet will answer almost all questions is what I learned.

[jjcourtright]

We've tried everything: olive oil, lemon juice, tartar sauce, chocolate syrup, gravy, bacon fat, hummus and baba ganoush.

[boobookittyfuk2007]

We've tried everything: olive oil, lemon juice, tartar sauce, chocolate syrup, gravy, bacon fat, hummus and baba ganoush.
LMAO.

[phit_demon]

LMAO.
Chairman Lmao

http://www.poster.russie.net/images/china_11.jpg

[boobookittyfuk2007]

Well, I learned something from my 3 year old yesterday. Don't let a copycat 3 year old watch to many episodes of South Park. We were playing with her Dora the Explorer house and all of the sudden I dropped Dora from the top of the house and she fell on the floor and my daughter turned to me and said "You bastard you killed Dora." I didn't know how to respond so I cut up laughing and then after I stopped I told her that that word was not appropriate and she shouldn't say it and she replied "Cartman did it."

[FanGirl]

I'm sorry, but you JUST learned that you shouldn't let a THREE year old watch SOUTH PARK?!?! Are you kidding me? South park is aired after 10p because it isn't supposed to be watched by kids. It's an adult program. There are all kinds of warnings saying don't show this to kids. This is the equivalent of showing your 3 year old a PG-13 movie. You do realize that, right?

[Denyse]

Anyone hear about that new Fox Game Show..."Are you smarter than a 5th grader"?

I think we just found the next contestant! ;)

[boobookittyfuk2007]

First of all I have done my best not to mess with either of you or poke fun at your mistakes or anything you have done for that matter. Second, South Park comes on here at 6pm on re-runs and I think I can teach my daughter what she needs to know about the difference between what is right and what is wrong. I do have a 9 year old that pulls straight A's in school and never has any kind of problems. I don't put you guys down and I was just responding to a thread. I don't post anything if I don't like what you guys say and I believe I gave you a thread to bash the shit out of me and thought that we could be grown-ups and leave it like that. How about this I won't tell you that I think you are an over-bearing know it all and you won't bash me for having an opinion. Denyse this has nothing to do with you so I don't even know why you responded. You will learn soon enough once you have had your child that motherhood isn't always exactly what you want it to be or what you expect it to be. I will teach my child right from wrong. Like I said I was responding to a thread not opening up myself for yet more ridicule. There is still and existing thread if you wish to continue your childish behavior and keep making fun.

[Denyse]

Ummmm...

Un-knot your panties for a minute, ok? See usually, when a little winky dude appears at the end of the post, it means you are joshing with someone. Sensitive much? Oh, and don't PM me being all sweet and shit if you are only going to go all psycho on me publicly later, k? I have enough MPD cases in my life, don't need to add another one.

Actually, do me a favor and add me to your ignore list, so you don't have to deal with me at all...I'll do the same. Have a nice day!

[Razorback]

You know, this is all cute and fun and stuff, but ladies... until you walk a mile in someone's shoes... etc etc, blah blah, you get my meaning.

Anyway, back to watching the flame war. :cool:

[boobookittyfuk2007]

I don't know what to think anymore about all of this. I like posting here and reading all of you guys opinions and all of that stuff. I sent you a private message to apologize for earlier behavior because I was unaware that you were pregnant and therefore emotional. It may have nothing to do with the fact that you are pregnant or it might have alot to do with it. All I was saying in there was that I could relate to being emotional. It certainly didn't stop you from posting in my bashing thread, even after the apology. I will put it out there for everyone to see. When I came on here I was quick to voice my opinions loud and clear and have since picked and chose which threads I choose to post in. I have paid my dues and you have all said what you wanted and I didn't disagree or agree with any of you that posted in that thread so here it is. Like me or don't I am still gonna put down in words what I want to and I am still gonna read what you post because frankly I find some of you to be really really interesting personalities. I don't want to get into a pissing contest and you are completely right Denyse that I paid no attention to the winking guy. I read the post and went immediately to a place of protection for myself and for my child.

[Razorback]

I don't know what to think anymore about all of this. I like posting here and reading all of you guys opinions and all of that stuff. I sent you a private message to apologize for earlier behavior because I was unaware that you were pregnant and therefore emotional. It may have nothing to do with the fact that you are pregnant or it might have alot to do with it. All I was saying in there was that I could relate to being emotional. It certainly didn't stop you from posting in my bashing thread, even after the apology. I will put it out there for everyone to see. When I came on here I was quick to voice my opinions loud and clear and have since picked and chose which threads I choose to post in. I have paid my dues and you have all said what you wanted and I didn't disagree or agree with any of you that posted in that thread so here it is. Like me or don't I am still gonna put down in words what I want to and I am still gonna read what you post because frankly I find some of you to be really really interesting personalities. I don't want to get into a pissing contest and you are completely right Denyse that I paid no attention to the winking guy. I read the post and went immediately to a place of protection for myself and for my child.

I will say... it would be nice if you broke that up into a couple of paragraphs. Otherwise, I can't criticize your response. :)

[boobookittyfuk2007]

I do so much tend to ramble when I get going. I will make sure to use better grammer from now on. LOL:)

[FanGirl]

If your three year old mentions at school that she watches South Park or quotes South park, the teacher is required by law to report it to DCFS. I have a friend who works for them and letting kids watch adult shows like South Park and Lost will get you reported. You might be able to just get a warning or you might get a house visit and someone poking around asking a ton of questions.

[boobookittyfuk2007]

Thanks for the heads up. My 3 year old doesn't go to school though and I am pretty sure that before she does I can get her to learn that bastard is an inappropriate word just like she has learned all the other ones.

Parenting to me is a process you learn as you go and so do the children. I think it would be great if there were some manual they handed out to all new parents, but that doesn't exist yet so we have to wing it and hope we are doing the right things. I don't disagree that South Park is an inappropriate show for her to watch but, I am also not the only parent in this house and am not always around to watch and make sure that she never gets exposed to anything negative.

[FanGirl]

Well, i just went through a whole big thing where a few of us had to decide whether to turn our friends into DCFS because these college educated people were neglecting their 5 year old. It was a hard process because these people were good friends and they have since forbid us to see the kids again when we decided to talk to them about it instead of reporting it.

So when I read something like showing a three year old South Park, I'm going to comment. It's not a flame war. I've got nothing against you. I'm not out to get you. I honestly don't think about you at all. I just respond to what you post so stop taking everything so personally.

[Razorback]

I am pretty sure that the law allows for parents to let their kids watch any program that is not NC-17 (or the like) or XXX. DCFS can be called for any reason. That doesn't mean they will be able to do anything about you letting your child watch South Park.

[phit_demon]

So tempted to flame. I'm so bored of this muppet.

[By-tor]

Well here's my 2 cents on the subject:
http://www.calhoungolf.com/two%20cents%20pix.jpg


Man, going on two months without alcohol. My humor is suffering.:(

[phit_demon]

going on two months without alcohol.
Emptying the tank for the tour? ;)

[By-tor]

Emptying the tank for the tour? ;)Scraight up, brother. :D

[phit_demon]

Scraight up, brother. :D
Oh, it ain't gonna be pretty!
I don't know if you guys realise, but that whole "Guinness Is Good For You" thing is a load of crap. :D

[By-tor]

By the way, what's the legal drinking age? I'm bringing over three 19 yr olds that want to do a bit of partying.

[phit_demon]

By the way, what's the legal drinking age? I'm bringing over three 19 yr olds that want to do a bit of partying.
18 MUTHA-TRUCKA!!!!!! Let the pickling commence! :D

[Zens7s]

Law aside I would think a person with a so-called "double degree" in Criminal Justice and Psychology would know the reasons why allowing your children to watch television that is so far from appropriate for their age of development is not only irresponsible but destructive.

If you missed these reasons while in your studies (providing you are not totally full of crap and by judging at your writing skills I am guessing you are) then I would dig your text books out again.

I can recall quite clearly where these reasons were covered while I was getting my double Batchelor of Science in Psychology and Biology with a Neuropsych Phys emphasis. Hopefully your memory serves you as well as mine does. :/

[boobookittyfuk2007]

I will only say one more thing and then I refuse to further defend my actions or my choice, and it is my choice, in what happens with my children.

Child development teaches us that it is way more important that a family do things together no matter what they are. I am not sure what my 9 year old hears in school. Do you propose that I don't send her for fear she may be exposed to something I wouldn't teach her?

I started out this discussion by saying something I learned NOT to let my child watch anymore. I will reiterate that parenting is a learning process and some of you don't even have kids.

So in conclusion to this whole discussion, when you have children you may judge me, but until such time you can keep your opinions on MY childs behavior to yourself and not come here to single out one person to bash.

Btw this message no longer applies to Fangirl for I feel despite our difference she made some good points in this debate and made me think outside my box and I will say I enjoyed you Fangirl and your ability to challenge me and in the end I still feel as though you got my side too. So, to you hats off and good job with the debate. Oh how I love a challenge and an intelligent person to have one with. Thank you.

[Razorback]

Well said.

[Denyse]

Well said.

Suck-up! :D

[vicodin]

I think you're right! Thanks for this post.




__________________
Amy
2007 Lexus ES 350 by Lexus U.S.A. (http://www.who-sells-it.com/cy/lexus-u-s-a-2009/2007-lexus-es-350-8575.html)