Just in case you thought you were having a bad day...

[karmattack]

Hasselhoff to the rescue (http://www.youtube.com/w/Hooked-on-a-feeling?v=Gi2CfuqcUGE&eurl=)

[JaimePaulFalcon]

oh man thank god for the german jesus

[karmattack]

As many of the regulars here well know, there is no German Jesus. There is only Jesus America.

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c29/karmattack/jesus_america02.jpg

[Robbo_the_Hood]

If there's one thing I love, it's an accurate depiction of Jesus America.

[Psyche]

i thought it was chuck norris to the rescue?

[actualsize]

i thought it was chuck norris to the rescue?Fuckin' Chuck Norris...

[Razorback]

That video scares me.

[JaimePaulFalcon]

It should.

[jjcourtright]

Has anybody else seen this:

IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS (Please Pass it on so others recognize):

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies
the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims
before they died? His shoe.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will kill you.

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What was That?"

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

THATS RIGHT FOLKS...CHUCK NORRIS

[Zens7s]

That is incredibly funny and I don't know why.

[jjcourtright]

Indeed. I think it is impossible to keep a straight face while reading, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will kill you."

[Zens7s]

The courthouse they always show in Walker, Texas Ranger is the one a block from my house in Fort Worth. It's really quite beautiful, but it makes me laugh when I read the above and now think of Chuck Norris doing something wierd and ninja-y and creeping around.

[Zens7s]

EEK! You can see him hiding behind the lightpole!
http://www.governor.state.tx.us/divisions/film/regionalinfo/locations/photos/north/fortworth_courthouse.jpg

[TLS]

Looks like he's shaking the pole to make the flag move.

[JaimePaulFalcon]

http://www.youtube.com/w/Young-Chuck-Norris---SNL?v=NBSpNPzVsMM

young chuck norris

[Zens7s]

Looks like he's shaking the pole to make the flag move.
Chuck Norris is sneaky like that.

[Aaron]

Has anybody else seen this:

IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS (Please Pass it on so others recognize):
Because the internet is down for the weekend in my apartment I had to endure trying desperately not to laugh in the middle of the internet cafe
I got some weird looks
Genius stuff

[Psyche]

Has anybody else seen this:

IMPORTANT FACTS ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS (Please Pass it on so others recognize):




you have no idea hwo many times i've seen that. chuck norris is like the whore of the internet =\

[Razorback]

I was playing World of Warcraft the other day and we got into a general chat discussion about what boss NPC's could give Chuck Norris a run for his money.

We realized that no monster can stand up to Chuck Norris alone. He has too many hitpoints and regains his health too fast.

[Psyche]

I was playing World of Warcraft the other day and we got into a general chat discussion about what boss NPC's could give Chuck Norris a run for his money.

We realized that no monster can stand up to Chuck Norris alone. He has too many hitpoints and regains his health too fast.


yea my friends usually have hour long debates on who would beat chuck norris and i end up going "JUST SHUTUP ABOUT CHUCK NORRIS ALREADY GOD" in a pseudo napolean dynomite voice. well at least in my head

[karmattack]

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c29/karmattack/ShowLetter2.jpg

[Psyche]

http://i24.photobucket.com/albums/c29/karmattack/ShowLetter2.jpg


haha that reminds me of a joke:

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them: "In medicine, it Is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth." Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my Index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

[Psyche]

I was playing World of Warcraft the other day and we got into a general chat discussion about what boss NPC's could give Chuck Norris a run for his money.

We realized that no monster can stand up to Chuck Norris alone. He has too many hitpoints and regains his health too fast.
so i found something interesting on the internet

http://www.ultimateshowdown.org/

lets just say chuck norris finally gets his ass whooped =s

[karmattack]

FanGirl posted that link earlier (http://moviepoopshoot.com/forums/showthread.php?p=120329&highlight=arrested+development#post120329), but good call.

[Psyche]

FanGirl posted that link earlier (http://moviepoopshoot.com/forums/showthread.php?p=120329&highlight=arrested+development#post120329), but good call.


oh that's why =p it's the arrested development thread that i never read b/c i never saw the show =p

[slizzelizzel]

oh that's why =p it's the arrested development thread that i never read b/c i never saw the show =p

Actually, it's the Randomness thread....

[Psyche]

Actually, it's the Randomness thread....


oh well when i hover over it it says arrested development

[karmattack]

Weird. I think that's because I found it searching for the terms "arrested+development." Lol.

[Psyche]

Weird. I think that's because I found it searching for the terms "arrested+development." Lol.


well there you go =p it's all your fault! bad karma bad!

[thewyseone]

what people see in david hasselhoff is beyond my comprehension that song almost made me sick,thankfully i got a strong stomach.i wish chuck norris would come along and roundhouse kick hasselhoffs head clean off.

[ratm1966]

Click on the below link for all of the Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel, and Mr T facts you could ever want.

http://66.111.201.60/

We sat at work for about three hours last week just clicking through all of the facts on the three of them. We were definitely laughing our asses off.


Their new site is here ( http://www.4q.cc/ ) but you actually have to register for it. I haven't attempted to use this site yet.