JaimePaulFalcon
10-27-2005, 01:40 AM
The Squid and the Whale is a derivative film that screams as if Wes Anderson did it and then realized he couldn’t do much with it and then passed it off on Noah Baumbach in fact…
Actual conversations between Noah Baumbach, Wes Anderson, and Owen Wilson
WA: “So Noah I’ve got this movie I’m working on but I’m not feeling it right now I don’t feel like going through all the press and shit so uhm you wanna take it just finish it up for me?”
NB: “Well sure Wes what’s it about? Whose in it?”
WA: “Oh its this great story about a family going through a trial separation in the 80’s and uh Jeff Daniels is in it and Laura Linney and well yeah its good stuff”
NB: “Really wow. Man thanks Wes I could really use this I’ll take over shooting right away.”
WA: “Cool and if you need any help just call.”
NB: “Ok thanks Wes.”
WA: “No problem man I’ll check you later.”
OW: “Did he buy it?”
WA: “Oh yeah, he was all over it.”
OW: “What a maroon.”
A few weeks later…
NB: “Hi Wes its Noah uhm I was wondering if you could give me some input with the movie.”
WA: “Uh one second…” whispers “Its Noah he wants help with the movie, what do I do?”
OW: “Ask him what he needs help with.”
WA: “Ok…so uh Noah what exactly are you having trouble with?”
NB: “Well I don’t know what to do with the youngest kid.”
WA: “He says he doesn’t know what to do about the youngest kid.”
OW: “Tell him to make the kid a serial masturbate…OH and have the kid wipe his jizz on random shit.”
WA: “Nah man not even Noah would fall for that.”
OW: “Just do it or I’m not writing with you any more do you want another Life Aquatic?”
WA: “Ok ok you’re right.”
NB: “Wes you there?”
WA: “Yeah yeah… well Noah how about you make the kid a serial masturbate and like have him smear the jizz on random stuff like lockers and books and stuff.”
NB: “Jeez Wes you’re a genius”
WA: “He’s buying it!”
OW: “Haha!”
WA: “Not a problem Noah look really if you need anything just call I’ll help anyway I can.”
NB: “Thanks buddy I’ll call you later.”
WA: “Seriously this guy will buy anything.”
OW: “Yeah we should give him a randomass ending and an odd title that links into it.”
WA: “YA! You’re brilliant I’m so sorry for the whole Noah thing.”
OW: “Shut up bitch!”
WA: “Yes sir.”
OW: “You’re god dam right sir. So a title how about we send him to the zoo and have him watch the lions fuck? The Fucking Lions. No we can’t use fucking he’s not that dumb”
WA: “Well It’s in New York we can have it end at the museum of natural history.”
OW: “Yeah! At the undersea life exhibit where the squid fights the whale. It can be The Squid and the Whale.”
WA: “Wow if he buys this he’s so willing to do anything to be our friend.”
OW: “You’re friend.”
WA: “Yeah you’re right. Should I call him?”
OW: “yeah,”
WA: “Hey Noah its Wes, so I’ve got an idea for the movie.”
NB: “Really Shoot.”
WA: “Well I was thinking what if you ended the movie at the museum of natural history like abruptly you could have the kid run to the squid fighting the whale exhibit and just end it would all tie in to the dad and mom fighting in futility and the title could be the squid and the whale. What do you think?”
NB: “Wes you are a god.”
WA: “Thanks Noah Good luck with the rest of it.”
NB: “Thanks Wes I’ll see you at the premier.”
WA: “He’s doing it.”
OW: “And you wrote a movie without me.”
WA: “I’m sorry!”
At the premier…
OW: “Wow you really fucked that one up.”
WA: “I know its like he used all my footage except he added a bit.”
OW: “The kid and the mirror is straight out of Tennebaums.”
WA: “I KNOW!”
OW: “He even used a Baldwin.”
WA: “Actually I cast him.”
OW: “Do you ever not do something you have done before? What’s next Hackmen as a father trying to reconnect?”
WA: “You know that’s not half ba..”
OW: “SHUT THE FUCK UP I DO THE WRITING FROM NOW ON! I can’t believe he took all our suggestions.”
WA: “I can.”
OW: “What did I say about talking back?”
WA: “Sorry.”
NB: “Owen, Wes what did you guys think?”
OW: “Oh it was great I loved the ending.”
WA: “Yeah me too. Thanks for taking over Noah.”
NB: “No thank you for all the help.”
WA: “Not a problem.”
NB: “Well guys time to meet the press, see you at the after party.”
WA: “Yeah good luck buddy.”
NB: “Thanks guys.”
OW: “Poor guy doesn’t stand a chance.”
WA: “I know its great isn’t it?”
OW: “Yeah lets get out of hear Stiller is throwing a party and I’m gonna nail Who ever I can.”
WA: “Good idea.”
OW: “Shut up bitch
This isn’t saying the movie didn’t have its moments because it did it just felt like Noah was calling Wes every five minutes to ask his for his ideas.
Actual conversations between Noah Baumbach, Wes Anderson, and Owen Wilson
WA: “So Noah I’ve got this movie I’m working on but I’m not feeling it right now I don’t feel like going through all the press and shit so uhm you wanna take it just finish it up for me?”
NB: “Well sure Wes what’s it about? Whose in it?”
WA: “Oh its this great story about a family going through a trial separation in the 80’s and uh Jeff Daniels is in it and Laura Linney and well yeah its good stuff”
NB: “Really wow. Man thanks Wes I could really use this I’ll take over shooting right away.”
WA: “Cool and if you need any help just call.”
NB: “Ok thanks Wes.”
WA: “No problem man I’ll check you later.”
OW: “Did he buy it?”
WA: “Oh yeah, he was all over it.”
OW: “What a maroon.”
A few weeks later…
NB: “Hi Wes its Noah uhm I was wondering if you could give me some input with the movie.”
WA: “Uh one second…” whispers “Its Noah he wants help with the movie, what do I do?”
OW: “Ask him what he needs help with.”
WA: “Ok…so uh Noah what exactly are you having trouble with?”
NB: “Well I don’t know what to do with the youngest kid.”
WA: “He says he doesn’t know what to do about the youngest kid.”
OW: “Tell him to make the kid a serial masturbate…OH and have the kid wipe his jizz on random shit.”
WA: “Nah man not even Noah would fall for that.”
OW: “Just do it or I’m not writing with you any more do you want another Life Aquatic?”
WA: “Ok ok you’re right.”
NB: “Wes you there?”
WA: “Yeah yeah… well Noah how about you make the kid a serial masturbate and like have him smear the jizz on random stuff like lockers and books and stuff.”
NB: “Jeez Wes you’re a genius”
WA: “He’s buying it!”
OW: “Haha!”
WA: “Not a problem Noah look really if you need anything just call I’ll help anyway I can.”
NB: “Thanks buddy I’ll call you later.”
WA: “Seriously this guy will buy anything.”
OW: “Yeah we should give him a randomass ending and an odd title that links into it.”
WA: “YA! You’re brilliant I’m so sorry for the whole Noah thing.”
OW: “Shut up bitch!”
WA: “Yes sir.”
OW: “You’re god dam right sir. So a title how about we send him to the zoo and have him watch the lions fuck? The Fucking Lions. No we can’t use fucking he’s not that dumb”
WA: “Well It’s in New York we can have it end at the museum of natural history.”
OW: “Yeah! At the undersea life exhibit where the squid fights the whale. It can be The Squid and the Whale.”
WA: “Wow if he buys this he’s so willing to do anything to be our friend.”
OW: “You’re friend.”
WA: “Yeah you’re right. Should I call him?”
OW: “yeah,”
WA: “Hey Noah its Wes, so I’ve got an idea for the movie.”
NB: “Really Shoot.”
WA: “Well I was thinking what if you ended the movie at the museum of natural history like abruptly you could have the kid run to the squid fighting the whale exhibit and just end it would all tie in to the dad and mom fighting in futility and the title could be the squid and the whale. What do you think?”
NB: “Wes you are a god.”
WA: “Thanks Noah Good luck with the rest of it.”
NB: “Thanks Wes I’ll see you at the premier.”
WA: “He’s doing it.”
OW: “And you wrote a movie without me.”
WA: “I’m sorry!”
At the premier…
OW: “Wow you really fucked that one up.”
WA: “I know its like he used all my footage except he added a bit.”
OW: “The kid and the mirror is straight out of Tennebaums.”
WA: “I KNOW!”
OW: “He even used a Baldwin.”
WA: “Actually I cast him.”
OW: “Do you ever not do something you have done before? What’s next Hackmen as a father trying to reconnect?”
WA: “You know that’s not half ba..”
OW: “SHUT THE FUCK UP I DO THE WRITING FROM NOW ON! I can’t believe he took all our suggestions.”
WA: “I can.”
OW: “What did I say about talking back?”
WA: “Sorry.”
NB: “Owen, Wes what did you guys think?”
OW: “Oh it was great I loved the ending.”
WA: “Yeah me too. Thanks for taking over Noah.”
NB: “No thank you for all the help.”
WA: “Not a problem.”
NB: “Well guys time to meet the press, see you at the after party.”
WA: “Yeah good luck buddy.”
NB: “Thanks guys.”
OW: “Poor guy doesn’t stand a chance.”
WA: “I know its great isn’t it?”
OW: “Yeah lets get out of hear Stiller is throwing a party and I’m gonna nail Who ever I can.”
WA: “Good idea.”
OW: “Shut up bitch
This isn’t saying the movie didn’t have its moments because it did it just felt like Noah was calling Wes every five minutes to ask his for his ideas.