Give A Movie Review...

[Zens7s]

...for a movie you have not actually seen, but know about anyway. I am stealing from Threadkiller on this one.

[Zens7s]

Yentl - (1993)
Yentl is the heartwarming tale of Barbara Streisland as a jewish woman who becomes a jewish boy so she can study Yiddish and figure out that global warming is the cause of future hurricanes.

Buried inside the Torah is a secret long undiscovered: First, the extra third verse to "Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel" that was orignally intended as a bonus track to Fiddler on the Roof. Second is the prophesy that a woman with an unusually prominate nose will come to earth in the late 20th century and save us from a fate worse than republican control of the senate.

Streisand does an amazing job as Mr. Yentl, binding up her breastesses and attempting to talk like a slightly more retarded, yet manly version of Woodly Allen. The plot takes a dramatic turn when she bursts into spontaneous song "Papa Can You Hear Me" to which he replies "Yes my child...everybody in North America can hear that big mouth of yours." At this point her friend, who believes she is a man, decides he wants to get a piece and hilarity ensures.

Yentl almost ends on a sad note, when Barbara's character is forced to out herself in front of the student body...but Al Pacino is there to defend her honor! He says HOO AHH! a few times, the students dramatically change their mind, and Barbara is allowed to sing a song and put her hair back to the standard page-boy style she has been wearing since the sixties.

She then says "George Bush hates black people" and Kayne "Jew-boy" West breaks into a hip hop version of "Evergreen". It's a moving and dramatic end to the tale of one transvestite jewish student and the ego-centric behavior that almost causes her ruin.

I did have one problem with the film...the matrix style bullet dodging when the crowd attacks her after unbinding her breastesses for the 35 time is overdone. Also, the car chase scene and the massive explotions behind her as she walks to school make it clear the film is produced by Jerry Bruckheimer.

I give it three thumbs up...Yentl is a laugh riot!

[DarthMaulRat]

The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement

In this sequel to the wildly popular "Princess Diaries 1: Kicked in the Family Jewels", Anne Hathaway returns to her role as the clumsy yet foul mouthed Princess Og, heiress of the Walmart linens section in Anchorage, Alaska.

Screenwriter David Goyer deserves praise for his modern twists on old fairy tale conventions. The Enchanted Forests are now parking lots, the talking animals are homeless people, and the Knight in shining armor is Gary Busey.

Of course, being a Disney movie, the producers felt a need to throw in animation at some point in the film. Fortunately, those animators were put to good use, adding expression and flexibility to Julie Andrews' face. Andrews' turn as Queen Mercury is the most delightful display of firearm handling I've seen in a long time. After Queen Mercury showed Mickey Browneyes a thing or two about respectin' tha family, there wasn't a dry eye left in the audience.

Of course, the movie isn't perfect. To stretch out the running time, stock footage of A-bomb tests were randomly edited into the film. This made no sense to me, but at least I finally know why I've been balding since my vacation at Bikini Atol.

Fortunately, the pacing of the plot kept me hooked the whole time. Just as Princess Og is about to engage some more royalty with her acid spraying sword, there's another demon from her past she must confront first (once again, Gary Busey). And the suprise ending? One word: mullets.

[DangerSeeker]

GONE WITH THE WIND

It is a sad tale about plantation farmers in a time of war and hatred. Rhett Butler is a man who has risen up from the ranks of service staff (he comes from a long line of butlers) to woo Scarlett O'Hara, a plantation owner and pioneer in Aviation. Trivia: Ms O'Hara is loosely based on Scarlet O'Hare, for which the airport is named.

The plantation mainly grows poppies, but in a very hot, dry summer disaster occurs. Right as wind storms kick up, Ms. O'Hara's cow kicks over a lantern in the barn. A great fire ensues, and the poppies being spread through the air are incinerated. Pretty much the entire county gets a big opium high and are pretty much "Gone with the Wind."

Years before damn dirty hippies, the first all-out love fest occurs. As people try and either go back to their lives or deal with the newfound freedom they've experienced, a greater resposibility sets in. Babies, babies, babies. O'Hara's plantation becomes a maternity ward, much tothe chagrin of her maid, who don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' them. Comedy ensues.

Vomited on once to often, and tired of having the little scamps tug on his ears, Rhett skips town. With his famous "Frankly, my dear..." line, he rides away to chase a dragon he has dreamed of since that fateful night.

[marksiwel]

Colateral
A story of a sassy black man (Fox) and an aging white guy (Cruise) as they travel around town listening to Alice in Chains in a Taxi. Its wacky fun all abound.

THe Country Bears
Christopher Walken must save that kid from the Sixith Sense from some Killer Robot Bears, who sing country-western songs.

[acid_soda]

Bad News Bears

It has Billy Bob thornton, but there is no Beck music in the movie.

I give it a .00034750 out of 10

:rolleyes:

[Mighty Wingman]

I've never been a big fan of haircuts, but Kara , she does me just right, except for the first time when she cut me a little short.

"How do you want it? " She asks fluffing it with her fingernails.
Employed, I say, but not republican.
" We’ll part to the left, no crew-cut" I think she remembers me, vaguely.

In the chair, Kara rakes the tangled brush atop my head, squirting it with a spray bottle, Kara says " Big date tonight ? "
No, I say.
As she circles the chair her perky little breasts look up at me, optimistic like . "Tomorrow night then ? "
Nope.
"You're just going to sit around the house with your girlfriend after this awesome new haircut ?"
I don’t have a house, or a girlfriend.
"You’re not … gay , are you ?"
No.
"I could introduce you to some girls."
I know some already.
Our eyes meet in the mirror , She squints ,scrutinizing. She grabs another swatch of brush *snip snip snip * and says . "You need to get out more. "
Oh really? I say .
"Really ," Kara says " 'specially with a fancy new haircut. "
Our eyes meet again , she winks.

With follicle flotsam falling on my canvassed shoulders Kara says " You’d make a good case study ." She says ," You should let me take you out . "
Case study ?
"Research." She says. " Do you dance? "
No, but I can walk funny, it’s just not rhythmic .
Behind me in the mirror another man is getting his hair cut by another sexy "stylist", he wishes his conversation was going as well -- they both do -- but Kara and I are our own little retarded romantic comedy. Like Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan with downs syndrome.
"What kinda music do ya like ? " Kara says .
The kind that sounds good.
"Where do you usually go out ?"
I don’t , usually.
"See ? "
See what ?
"You need to get out more ."
What kind of research are you doing ?
"If I tell you it’ll taint the experiment."
You want me to be your lab rat, you tell me the score.
" Not a lab rat . More like a gerbil ."
The man behind me bursts into laughter , his stylist covers her mouth but I can read the giggles in her eyes.
Now this is just getting awkward. I say.
" That’s what the gerbil said " Says the other man getting his haircut.
Kara’s blushing and remains pretty quiet for the rest of the haircut.
"I didn’t mean it like that." she says "gerbils are more cuddly," eyeing me in the mirror, " rats are just gross" she says turning to the man behind me.

From that point on, the only thing she asked me was if I wanted it squared or rounded in the back . Square is for squares I say, when she finished she gave me a card no different from the card she gives all her clients except for the seven digits on the back that allow the exchange thoughts and ideas without being in the same room. Under the numbers it says "tonight, 7:30".

So I talked her into seeing Serenity with me and she looked pretty good without the smock and she had a mouth like a lamprey. I don’t remember much about the movie , but the audience was really into it. There seemed to be a couple really big surprises and gasps of disbelief. But I’m pretty sure it was the movie they were gasping at. And a few times I overheard some funny quips expressing tough love during the two-hour make-out session and thought I might be missing a pretty good movie. Then, the lights came up and the usher asked us to leave.

Four and a half out of a possible five stars.
M.W.

[psychofiend]

But I'm a Cheerleader (2000)
Rated R
A delightful film for the whole family. A ditsy semi perfect high-school chearleader is sent away by family and friends to a gay camp. At this gay camp, they make the girl realize she is a homosexual. After getting her to admit it they, in some really silly ways try to make her and some camp mates straight. A personal favorite scene is the one where the very butch looking dyke goes nuts on the counselors telling them that she is not a lesbian, she just likes to play sports... she even adds that she would love to have a big dick in her... The movie also has Mink Stole as the distraught mother of the cheerleader. Mink, as usual, is halarious in her role playing the very concerned and very insane mother. Overall, funny as hell movie. And it's also fun to see the chearleader get with a hot chick :D
http://www.filmmonthly.com/Video/Articles/Cheerleader/DuVall_Lyonne.jpg