Threadkiller
10-06-2005, 08:01 PM
It's time for another installment of This Week in Movie History. Join us as we trip back in time to the first weekend of October 1985 when four new screen gems graced the world with their presence and forever changed the face of cinema. It probably wasn't a noticeable change but I'm sure something changed. Not sure what it might have been.
In order to make this discussion more palatable to the hip, young, a.d.d.-afflicted audience of today, a special and obvious effort will be made to make it seem as if these 20 year old movies are somehow relevant in today's fast-moving, break-dancing world. So, without further ado:
Commando ($7,700,000) - This is the one that started it all for Gov. Arnold. I mean, after Terminator and Conan started it. Still, one could consider this The Gov's first real speaking role. Commando treats us to the very original story of an ex-commando guy who has to rescue his kidnapped daughter (Alyssa Milano) and of course, exact revenge upon the hapless kidnappers by breaking their necks with his bare hands.
What's that? You say it's not relevant? It's not enough for you that this movie marked the beginning of about 10 years of worthless cloned action movies? Then how about this, the Gov's character in Commando is named "John Matrix". That's right. This movie undoubtedly provided the Wachowski brothers with the inspiration for the character of "Neo".
Jagged Edge ($4,000,000) - When I decided to discuss movies from 1985 I somehow knew, instinctively that Jeff Bridges would be in one of them. I think I have some sort of psychic ability that relates directly to Jeff Bridges. Anyway, I was going to find out what this movie was about until I saw that Richard Marquand directed it. For those of you who don't know, Marquand is best known for pretending to be the director of Jedi Muppets in Space (or Return of the Jedi as it was later called). As proof that he's not a real director, he only managed two movies following Jedi, Jagged Edge, and the movie credited with forever dooming any chance Bob Dylan might ever have had of being in a successful movie. Way to go Rich.
You want relevancy? This movie was written by none other than Joe Eszterhas who has an unnecessary 'z' in his name and who's upcoming Basic Instinct II is poised to dominate late night Cinemax for years to come. Hee hee, I didn't even make that last part up. J
Plenty ($700,000) - This movie was a play but was rewritten as a movie. It's about some bitchy woman played by Meryl Streep who lives in post-war England and is mostly a bitch. Apparently it says something about society and people but nobody bothered to see it because most people don't like bitchy women and certainly don't want to pay good money to sit in a theater and be subjected to a bitchy Meryl Streep for any amount of time.
For you kids, Plenty's own Ian McKellen (or "Magneto" to his friends) will be appearing as some kind of wizard or pope or something in the upcoming Da Vinci Code movie. And Sting (or "That guy from the Police" to his friends), who also appeared in Plenty will most likely be coming out with some crappy, overplayed, new-agey, world-musicy sounding song sometime soon.
Dreamchild ($5,000) - Of the four movies that opened in the first weekend of October 1985, Dreamchild has the most interesting sounding plot so of course, it made no money at all. Dreamchild is about the girl who inspired the character of Alice for noted pedophile and author Lewis Carroll's "Alice In Wonderland" books. Basically, the movie is about how it took Alice about 80 years to figure out that Carroll had the hots for her when she was a little girl. Gross. I take it back, this movie failed because it's creepy and because it robs us all of part of our collective childhood.
And finally, it's fitting (or not) that the character of Lewis Carroll is played in Dreamchild by our own creepy little hobbit, Ian "Bilbo" Holm.
There you have it. If you've read even one sentence of the above it should be clear to you that out of the four movies listed, I have seen maybe one-half of one of them. So, if you have any pertinent or interesting information about them, please share it in the space provided below. Thanks.
In order to make this discussion more palatable to the hip, young, a.d.d.-afflicted audience of today, a special and obvious effort will be made to make it seem as if these 20 year old movies are somehow relevant in today's fast-moving, break-dancing world. So, without further ado:
Commando ($7,700,000) - This is the one that started it all for Gov. Arnold. I mean, after Terminator and Conan started it. Still, one could consider this The Gov's first real speaking role. Commando treats us to the very original story of an ex-commando guy who has to rescue his kidnapped daughter (Alyssa Milano) and of course, exact revenge upon the hapless kidnappers by breaking their necks with his bare hands.
What's that? You say it's not relevant? It's not enough for you that this movie marked the beginning of about 10 years of worthless cloned action movies? Then how about this, the Gov's character in Commando is named "John Matrix". That's right. This movie undoubtedly provided the Wachowski brothers with the inspiration for the character of "Neo".
Jagged Edge ($4,000,000) - When I decided to discuss movies from 1985 I somehow knew, instinctively that Jeff Bridges would be in one of them. I think I have some sort of psychic ability that relates directly to Jeff Bridges. Anyway, I was going to find out what this movie was about until I saw that Richard Marquand directed it. For those of you who don't know, Marquand is best known for pretending to be the director of Jedi Muppets in Space (or Return of the Jedi as it was later called). As proof that he's not a real director, he only managed two movies following Jedi, Jagged Edge, and the movie credited with forever dooming any chance Bob Dylan might ever have had of being in a successful movie. Way to go Rich.
You want relevancy? This movie was written by none other than Joe Eszterhas who has an unnecessary 'z' in his name and who's upcoming Basic Instinct II is poised to dominate late night Cinemax for years to come. Hee hee, I didn't even make that last part up. J
Plenty ($700,000) - This movie was a play but was rewritten as a movie. It's about some bitchy woman played by Meryl Streep who lives in post-war England and is mostly a bitch. Apparently it says something about society and people but nobody bothered to see it because most people don't like bitchy women and certainly don't want to pay good money to sit in a theater and be subjected to a bitchy Meryl Streep for any amount of time.
For you kids, Plenty's own Ian McKellen (or "Magneto" to his friends) will be appearing as some kind of wizard or pope or something in the upcoming Da Vinci Code movie. And Sting (or "That guy from the Police" to his friends), who also appeared in Plenty will most likely be coming out with some crappy, overplayed, new-agey, world-musicy sounding song sometime soon.
Dreamchild ($5,000) - Of the four movies that opened in the first weekend of October 1985, Dreamchild has the most interesting sounding plot so of course, it made no money at all. Dreamchild is about the girl who inspired the character of Alice for noted pedophile and author Lewis Carroll's "Alice In Wonderland" books. Basically, the movie is about how it took Alice about 80 years to figure out that Carroll had the hots for her when she was a little girl. Gross. I take it back, this movie failed because it's creepy and because it robs us all of part of our collective childhood.
And finally, it's fitting (or not) that the character of Lewis Carroll is played in Dreamchild by our own creepy little hobbit, Ian "Bilbo" Holm.
There you have it. If you've read even one sentence of the above it should be clear to you that out of the four movies listed, I have seen maybe one-half of one of them. So, if you have any pertinent or interesting information about them, please share it in the space provided below. Thanks.