So Jack Bauer is now...

[Ryall]

...David "The Incredible Hulk" Banner? Or the dude from Kung-Fu? Just walking across the land. That might get a bit dull over 24 episodes. Can't wait until Sweeps, when Jack Bauer searches for a cold glass of water.

Actually, that might have been just what the show needed...

[highriskrc]

Then they'll throw a curve at us.... when the glass of water is actually room-temperature.

[Omaru]

Episode 24 season finalé, Jack finally finds the beef, but will he share the secret of the beef with his friends, all will be revealed next season.

[DarthMaulRat]

The last episode lacked the cinematic endings that the other seasons had, but its nice to see them take his character in a new direction. Personally, I can't wait so see Jack hitchhike across the US trading stories for spongebaths.

[Zens7s]

Ahh, Jack Bauer. Time for Random Jack Bauer facts:

If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Jack Bauer does not use birth control, he simply demands that you not get pregnant.

When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.

Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Jack Bauer never gets pop-ups. Ever.

If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.

Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.

Finding Nemo would have been vastly more exciting had Jack Bauer been looking for him.

If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.

There are no such thing as lesbians, just women who never met Jack Bauer.

When Jack Bauer signs up for a free ipod online, they actually give him one.

When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.

24 was moved to Monday because Jack Bauer doesn't wait on anyone to start killing people.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.

Jack Bauer beats Asians in Dance Dance Revolution.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.

Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.

Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.

Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.

Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?

Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.

Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.

When President Palmer quit to start doing Allstate commercials, it took him 43 takes before he could stop saying, "You're in good hands with Jack Bauer".

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.

Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.

If you're a terrorist, Jack Bauer is the last person on Earth you want to see. Fortunately, if you're a terrorist, Jack Bauer probably is the last person you'll ever see on Earth.

Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret.

When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.

Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why theres no life on Mars.

What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.

Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.

James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer don't need any licenses.

[thewyseone]

Daylight savings time was created to give Jack Bauer an extra hour one day a year with which to kill terrorists ;)

[Razorback]

...David "The Incredible Hulk" Banner? Or the dude from Kung-Fu? Just walking across the land. That might get a bit dull over 24 episodes. Can't wait until Sweeps, when Jack Bauer searches for a cold glass of water.

Actually, that might have been just what the show needed...

I bet the Superbowl refs did it!

[Dave]

Daylight savings time was created to give Jack Bauer an extra hour one day a year with which to kill terrorists ;)


And with that, you prove you belong here... Good show!

[BAMSS04]

Jack Bauer does not sleep. He waits.

Jack Bauer blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

Jack Bauer doesn't churn butter. He kicks the cows ass and the butter comes straight out.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Jack Bauer .

Jack Bauer can touch MC Hammer.

Who let the dogs out? Jack Bauer. What the fuck are you gonna do about it?

Jack Bauer can unscramble an egg.

Chris Ryall is not leaving because he wants to, Jack Bauer wanted his job. What Jack want, Jack gets.

Jack Bauers’ sperm is so badass, he had sex with Nicole Kidman, and 7 months later she prematurely gave birth to a Ford Excursion.

[Razorback]

You have a lot of nerve taking out Chuck's name. He won't let you get away with it.

[BAMSS04]

Jack Bauer killed Chuck Norris with a salad fork. Then painted him brown to look like a terrorist.

[karmattack]

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuummmmm! Someone's getting a roundhouse kick to the faaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

[BAMSS04]

Chuck Norris tried to kick Jack Bauer once. Once.

[thewyseone]

Jack Bauer killed Chuck Norris with a salad fork. Then painted him brown to look like a terrorist.

yep,bauer's is the only man with enough testicular fortitude to kick chuck norris's ass.

[BAMSS04]

yep,bauer's is the only man with enough testicular fortitude to kick chuck norris's ass.

Jack Bauer has no use for testicules, his penis is so powerful it can produce sperm without aid.

[slizzelizzel]

I thought it was odd when the weatherman forecasted heavy downpours of roundhouse kicks to the face, but now I see why...

[Zens7s]

Jack Bauer doesn't need oxygen, oxygen needs Jack Bauer.

[karmattack]

Jack Bauer has 1 muscle and it wraps from his eyebrows, around his body, and down to his toes. This muscle is trained to kill you 4,290 ways. By itself.

Jack Bauer received a national endowment for punching you in the face and making it an artform.

[By-tor]

MacGyver would kick Bauer's ass with a paper clip and a piece of Laffy Taffy.

[karmattack]

MacGyver would kick Bauer's ass with a paper clip and a piece of Laffy Taffy. You misspelled "lick."

[By-tor]

You misspelled "lick."Yeah, man, and I just failed to replace MacGuyver with karma. ;)

[Razorback]

Jack Bauer used to have 72 hours to save the world, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked 48 of them out his bunghole.

[karmattack]

Yeah, man, and I just failed to replace MacGuyver with karma. ;)
Bite, whore. :cool:

[By-tor]

Bite, whore. :cool:Man, that's it. Find a new band to front. We've gotten fuckin' tired of your LSD.

Lead Singer Disease. :p

[BAMSS04]

Jack Bauer used to have 72 hours to save the world, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked 48 of them out his bunghole.
Jack Bauer then broke Chucks leg off, ate the meat, then he made a salad fork out of it, and killed Chuck Norris.

[BAMSS04]

MacGyver would kick Bauer's ass with a paper clip and a piece of Laffy Taffy.

Jack has a gun. He would shoot MacGyver, eat the taffy, and use the paper clip to tattoo his victory on his penis.


( Yeah, nice imagery. I know.)

[Razorback]

Jack Bauer then broke Chucks leg off, ate the meat, then he made a salad fork out of it, and killed Chuck Norris.

And then he woke up in a cold sweat because he realized that Chuck would soon return to roundhouse kick him into reruns.

[Gotherella]

http://home.earthlink.net/~actualsize/images/norrisbauer.jpg
.................................................. .................................................. .....

[Gotherella]

...and he kicked and he punched with his hands and his feet.

http://www.nbc.com/Saturday_Night_Live/video/norris.shtml

[By-tor]

Woman, you have been sorely missed. :)

[BAMSS04]

And then he woke up in a cold sweat because he realized that Chuck would soon return to roundhouse kick him into reruns.

Then relaxes as he looks over at the severed head of Chuck Norris, which is now being used as a clock which reads 23:59:50. He then puts on his Chuck Norris-skin jacket, tie, boots, and sunglases to begin his walk into the sunset.

24:00:00

http://www.vanmega.com/jackbauerisdead.jpg

[By-tor]

24:00:00

http://www.vanmega.com/jackbauerisdead.jpgUnbeknownst to all, MacGuyver uses a sewing needle and piece of Queen Latifah's weave to re-set the clock to 23:59:40, thus giving him a clear shot at offing both Norris and Bauer and becoming the all-time king of syndication.

[BAMSS04]

Unbeknownst to all, MacGuyver uses a sewing needle and piece of Queen Latifah's weave to re-set the clock to 23:59:40, thus giving him a clear shot at offing both Norris and Bauer and becoming the all-time king of syndication.

http://www.alittlemoretotheright.com/images/macgyver.jpg

[By-tor]

http://www.alittlemoretotheright.com/images/macgyver.jpgStinkfist? :D

[Razorback]

Then relaxes as he looks over at the severed head of Chuck Norris, which is now being used as a clock which reads 23:59:50. He then puts on his Chuck Norris-skin jacket, tie, boots, and sunglases to begin his walk into the sunset.

24:00:00


Then, all of a sudden, Bauer realizes that it isn't the head of Chuck Norris but instead his own head in the hands of Chuck Norris, looking into the mirror.

A moment later, as the last bit of blood pressure leaves his brain, Bauer's life ends with a final thought:

"Chuck Norris sure is one bad mother..."

24:00:07

[By-tor]

Fuckin' Eric Cartman summed it all up, "I love you guys". ;)

[BAMSS04]

Then, all of a sudden, Bauer realizes that it isn't the head of Chuck Norris but instead his own head in the hands of Chuck Norris, looking into the mirror.

A moment later, as the last bit of blood pressure leaves his brain, Bauer's life ends with a final thought:

"Chuck Norris sure is one bad mother..."

24:00:07

24:00:07

Jack Bauer comes back to life for the 5th time only to find that Chuck Norris has conspired with the OC to take over the world. He enters the room with Chuck and Peter Gallagher ffrom the OC.

He kicks Peter in the head.


http://www.happyscrappy.com/ocasskicking.jpg

Chuck Norris pisses himself before ever being touched by Jack. Jack then drowns Norris in his own urine.

24:01:59

[Razorback]

Chuck Norris pisses himself before ever being touched by Jack. Jack then drowns Norris in his own urine.

24:01:59

24:02:00 Jack realizes his show has run 2 minutes over and no one has seen his little fantasy since they are all tuned into the nightly news.

[By-tor]

..they are all tuned into the nightly news.Where the lead story was about some guy that thwarted a terrorist bombing with a bobby pin and candied apple. The man's name.... MacGuyver.

[BAMSS04]

24:02:00 Jack realizes his show has run 2 minutes over and no one has seen his little fantasy since they are all tuned into the nightly news.


In which case, the first seven seconds were part of the dream and Jack walks off into the sunset wearing his Chuck Norris-skin jacket.
:D


24:00:00

[BAMSS04]

Where the lead story was about some guy that thwarted a terrorist bombing with a bobby pin and candied apple. The man's name.... MacGuyver.

Only to be shot in the head by an unknown CTU agent, who currently is walking off into the sunset with a fresh package of Macgyver-skin condoms.

[By-tor]

Only to be shot in the head by an unknown CTU agent, who currently is walking off into the sunset with a fresh package of Macgyver-skin condoms.Only to find out later, after a severe case of the "drips", that said skin condoms contained the herpes virus. MacGuyver was kick-ass, but alas a man-whore.

[BAMSS04]

Jack Bauer killed herpes with his powerful man juice. Then, he brought it back to life to kill it again.

( Yeah , I think this is getting creepy even for me. I think that is like the third time I mentioned his cum, or his dick)

[By-tor]

Shit, lost some Diet Coke thru the nostrils...

[BAMSS04]

Shit, lost some Diet Coke thru the nostrils...

That's ok, Jack Bauer can produce Diet coke.....with his dick.

[By-tor]

You sumbitch! Woke up the neighborhood laughin' at that...jeezaloo.

[BAMSS04]

:) .......... :D

[ozchick]

I dunno Bams... nekkid pics of Heath & Jake... the Jack Bauer love in... anything you want to tell us?

[BAMSS04]

I dunno Bams... nekkid pics of Heath & Jake... the Jack Bauer love in... anything you want to tell us?

Ok......... I want Jack Bauer to kill Jake & Heath.

Also, I want a diet coke.

[ILovePapaSmurf]

I dunno Bams... nekkid pics of Heath & Jake... the Jack Bauer love in... anything you want to tell us?

Well, no need to worry, yet. If he starts posting pictures of Tony Danza naked..... then we have a problem.

[By-tor]

Also, I want a diet coke.Man, you are a freak. I wouldn't won't anything that comes out my nose.

[BAMSS04]

Man, you are a freak. I wouldn't won't anything that comes out my nose.

I just said I do not want any of Jack Bauer's cum. Nobody listens. :cool:

[By-tor]

This thread has gone off the deep end. Speaking of deep end, has anyone seen Brokeback Mountain?

[BAMSS04]

This thread has gone off the deep end. Speaking of deep end, has anyone seen Brokeback Mountain?

Nope. I saw Bareback Mountain the female counter part.....starring Natalie Portman and Reese Witherspoon....

Ok Hollywood, We're waiting. :)

[By-tor]

I think even RB might give that one more stars than Episode 3.:eek:

[BAMSS04]

Yeah, I think even the women on this site like the idea.

[Zens7s]

Yeah, I think even the women on this site like the idea.
I am pro-that. Bring it on!

[BAMSS04]

24 fans...


TIVO was out all week. Can some one fill me in on last nights episode. Please.

[By-tor]

24 fans...


TIVO was out all week. Can some one fill me in on last nights episode. Please.MacGuyver kicked Jack's ass with an empty toilet paper roll and a sesame seed bun.

[BAMSS04]

MacGuyver would wipe Jack's ass with an empty toilet paper roll and a sesame seed bun.

I agree.

[BAMSS04]

http://gorillamask.net/bbwalker.shtml
Walker is Gay