bwdial
06-10-2004, 04:26 PM
This may or may not be a factual report = that's not important.
What's important is - does it make you smile.
Quantas has never had a fatal accident. Humor may be why:
Australia's Quantas Airlines is the only major world carrier never
to have suffered a fatal flight accident in all its years of operation. One reason may be its employees' sense of humor. After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which tells mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
The mechanics read and correct the problem, then put in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Here are some actual gripe sheets and responses (P = The problem logged by the pilot; S = The solution and action taken by the engineers):
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
What's important is - does it make you smile.
Quantas has never had a fatal accident. Humor may be why:
Australia's Quantas Airlines is the only major world carrier never
to have suffered a fatal flight accident in all its years of operation. One reason may be its employees' sense of humor. After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which tells mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.
The mechanics read and correct the problem, then put in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken, and the pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Here are some actual gripe sheets and responses (P = The problem logged by the pilot; S = The solution and action taken by the engineers):
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.