Any good jokes?

[zhaoyun]

Any good jokes? Because i'm bloody bored....

[Efexeye]

WARNING: THIS JOKE IS DISGUSTING!!!







So this guy who hasn't been laid in like three years goes to this whorehouse. They are extremely busy, seeing as how it is Saturday night, and the guy is pacing nervously, waiting to get assigned to one of the girls. Finally, the girl working behind the counter comes up to him and says "I'm sorry sir, we just don't have any girls available. It's Saturday night and we are just booked. The guy is really desperate, so he tells the girl "I'll take ANYTHING!" So the girl goes back into the back and reemerges a few minutes later. "Well", she says, "There is old Betty, if you don't mind doing an old gal." "I don't care!" says the guy, "I just want to get laid!"

So, the girl behind the counter leads him down the hall to this dark little room, where he is instructed to lay on the bed, which he does. Eventually, this shrivelled up old lady comes in and lays down on the bed next to him. Being as anxious as he is, the guy immediately jumps on top of her and tries to start [censored], but it's just too dry down there. Nothing is happening. After trying in vain for a while, the guy rolls off and says in frustration "I just don't think this is going to happen".

"Hang on a sec" says old Betty, "I have an idea". So she goes over to the side of the bed and fiddles with her crotch for a second. Then, she gets back under the guy, who begins pumping away again. "Damn", he says, "you feel like a juicy 18-year-old. What'd you do?"









"Well", Bessy says "I just peel the scabs off and let the pus run!"



No, really, I apologize. That was sick, and some of you may have been eating.

[karmattack]

eff, dude...

but if you're going to let that one fly, I have one.


What do you get when you pull barbed wire out of a dead baby's ass?








an erection.

[Efexeye]

Oh, man......THAT is sick.

[Robbo_the_Hood]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
So this guy who hasn't been laid in like three years.

[/ QUOTE ] Why do I have to be the butt of every joke?

[Bong_Boy]

Great, after reading that i whityed.

[Efexeye]

"whityed"? This is primarily a U.S. board, so, you wanna translate for us?

[Bong_Boy]

I was sick. I thought that saying was from the US.

[karmattack]

are you saying "white eyed?"

[Efexeye]

Barfed, puked, retched, upchucked, spewed, chundered, tossed my cookies, are all synonyms for throwing up.

This list is, needless to say, not all-inclusive.

[Bong_Boy]

No not Whit eyed WHITYED.

[karmattack]

As in

"I found myself whityed from a harmless goofabout a few wiffens past."

[Robbo_the_Hood]

perhaps "wide eyed?"

[Bong_Boy]

No it ment i was sick i puked whatever you wnna call it i did it.

[Robbo_the_Hood]

You foriegners and your crazy languages.

[Jack_Sparrow]

Copping or having a "Whitey" as far as i know was what happened when you smoked some good herb.

It means you get so stoned you have a cold sweat and go very pale hence a "Whitey" !!

[Bong_Boy]

It means that to jack.

and my country invented the language.

[Robbo_the_Hood]

You invented American? Then why can't you speak it?

[Bong_Boy]

Lol very funny.

[FanGirl]

You're speaking the kind of English that's not.

[Matt1]

Next time I visit a foreign land, I'm gonna make up a whole bunch of words and pass them off as American slang to the locals.

"He was so angry, he was like mad-ovaltine!"

[karmattack]

Man, don't give him any wolly doily ideas. He doesn't make sense as it is and it really milks my snickers biscuits.

[FanGirl]

That is totally jerking.

[Mighty_Wingman]

****** another sick joke*********

Mr. Johnson takes his ten year old daughter to the doctor and says he wants to get her started on birth control pills. The Dr. looks back astonished and says " Mr. Johnson you can't possibly be serious . Your daughter can't be sexually active at that age. "
Mr. Johnson says " I didn't say she was active, she just lays there, like her momma. "

[Omaru]

I can' t even understand what you are saying.
if I was Avid Merrion, I would be saying "I don't know what you are" right about now

[Homeless_Pie]

An ion walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "i think i left an electron here lastnight". Bartender says "are you positive?"


A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says "Ye know ye got a steerin' wheel stuck in yer crotch". Pirate says "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"

[Efexeye]

Haven't I heard that pirate joke on this board before?

[karmattack]

ehem....yes. I don't know who told it though.

[taps fingers]

Nope, just can't....remember.....who.......told it.

[Asteban]

A man fell through his screen door. People say he strained himself. <font color="green"> </font color>

Two peanuts were walking through Central Park. One was assualted. <font color="green"> </font color>

HAHA! Quite possibly two of the worst jokes ever, but I find them so amusing. <font color="green"> </font color>

I had another one one that was good, but I forgot it. Damn memory is shot. <font color="green"> </font color>

[Asteban]

<font color="green"> I just remembered that other joke, but first i have to tell you how exactly I heard this joke. I'm a Sophomore in high school, and we had this substitute in our Bio class. This guy was insane. He was going to school to be a lawyer, but for some reason he was our sub. He spent the whole hour telling us dirty jokes. It was very amusing. Anyway heres the joke.</font color>

<font color="blue"> Whats the differnece between a Corn Husker and a Hooker with diarrea?





The Husker shucks between fits.... </font color>