People I Regret Sleeping With

[GoreFollower]

I'll be honest, I'm a pure, clean, STD free virgin. I just set up this post so our more experienced/adult users could spill their guts on this issue! (That, and karmattack said he would tell us the stories of his sexual experiences free of charge.) Now spill it!

[karmattack]

Either I missed Danger's post, or you're talking about me, Jerky.

[GoreFollower]

Whoa! My Bad! You were saying?

[Zens_7s]

Clap Clap Clap...I want to hear some of Karma's stories! Wait, maybe I should not have started this particular post with Clap.

[in_diana_jones]

it's called hand lotion /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

[Zens_7s]

You regret sleeping with your hand lotion? I could understand that if you accidentally used the kind with exfoliating grit in it. That would be a big regret.

[karmattack]

Hey, don't get crabby. I mean testy.

Wait.

Maybe I picked a sore spot. Damn.

You know, just because a guy urinates fire...

I'm leaving.

[in_diana_jones]

zen, will you go out with me? thanks...

[in_diana_jones]

to be honest...i would like to here zens stories. /forums/images/icons/smirk.gif

[GoreFollower]

Zen will probably not tell you her stories because you DON'T KNOW HOW TO WRITE PLAIN ENGLISH!!!!

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
i would like to here zens stories

[/ QUOTE ]

[karmattack]

I want to here them too! But somewhere else, not hear.

[Omaru]

I regret sleeping with.........out going to the toilet before I fell asleep in my younger days, was kinda embarassing to be wetting the bet on occasion aged 11.

[in_diana_jones]

**hear.....not here

sorry ([censored]) /forums/images/icons/smile.gif

[EternalStrife]

Am I hereing what i'm hereing? I thought people hear were going to spill it about their steamy stories hear and there.

[Zens_7s]

I don't know. I have a pretty good feeling that my steamy old stories are not fit for young ears to hear, especially here or their or there.

[jjcourtright]

How's 'bout over they're?

[in_diana_jones]

why must people make fun of my retardedness?

[jjcourtright]

Nothing against you in particular. We pretty much just like to fuck with everybody. Old, new, good, bad, annoying.

[EternalStrife]

That's because you make it such an easy target to deal with over hear...or they're....we're

[in_diana_jones]

how about i give you a spoon, and you can all eat my a$$? no zens...as you were. stories please.

[Zens_7s]

I didn't say you were retarded.

[Omaru]

jj is right, we arent targeting your Disslecksia on purpuss. nor the fact you have a blur avatar.

[EternalStrife]

You no, we shoot stop making fun of the little fella. He did nothing two desert these.

[Zens_7s]

I can't tell you any stories. It might fry your brain and singe your eyebrows.

[JIM]

Dear penthouse,

You would never believe what happened to me today!
A gorgeous blonde walked in and... wait, what the fugazi!?
Oops! wrong forum!

I do regret sleeping in the same tent with two friends of mine. Damn snoring kept me up all night long... that and their stinky feet... /forums/images/icons/shocked.gif

[EternalStrife]

Jimmy, jimmy, jimmy....just come clean and admit it.....

[Zens_7s]

When my nephew was born last month we had to travel, and I ended up sharing a bed with my mother-in-law. I regret that. Also she told everyone that I sing in my sleep. I regret that too.

[EternalStrife]

I'll bet it was a masterpiece.

[Omaru]

I regret sleeping with kelly brook, because it was a dream and I woke up during the intercourse, if I had woken up during a dream with an uglier woman it wouldn't have been so bad, but kelly brook /forums/images/icons/frown.gif
http://www.wallswithballs.com/walls/kellybrookb.jpg

[EternalStrife]

Aaaaahhhhhh! My eyes! My eyes! It's too bright! Aaaaahhhh! The gloryyyyyy.................

[Zens_7s]

Hey, you never know...I may have written something to rival all other songs. It's not nice to mock Mr. EternalStrife, I am sensitive about my sleep-singing.

[EternalStrife]

That's not so bad. I tend to sleep walk when I was younger. And you don't even want to hear the stories I heard when I woke up.

*sigh*

I didn't even want to know after I woke up.

Besides, I meant that as a compliment. Anything you do, no matter how dorky it may seem will always come out cool and hip and make the rest of up lowly man want to be the same.

[Zens_7s]

Hey - that was really nice. Where do I mail the check to?

[johnbamforth]

Every chick since I was 15.

[Zens_7s]

Look on the bright side John, consider all those as practice for when you get called up to the majors.

[EternalStrife]

[goes red in the face. Tries to respond with something witty but....]

....Urrr.....ummm.....uuuhhh.....rainbow?

[EternalStrife]

For me, they have all been a major dissapointment.

[karmattack]

WAIT, Wait, wait....

...is that to say the one(s) you slept with BEFORE you were 15 is/are the one(s) to remember? Either that is one hell of an example of beginner's luck, or you need, Need NEEEED to get out more often.

[Ryall]

I regret sleeping with the Barbie Twins. Sure, it was a weekend of extreme passion and playfulness, but really, they were just stand-ins for my old Audrey and Judy Landers fixation. Judy Landers never wanted any part of me since 5-year-old me panned her Seven Brides for Seven Brothers TV show, so I had to satisy my lust for B-movie twin-sister vixens another way. Barbie Twin 1, and Barbie Twin 2, I only wish I'd known your first names. I hope Ken Wahl treats you better.

I also regret sleeping with the Unknown Comic. Man, who knew he was a guy under that brown paper bag? Imagine my surprise...

Also, Ginger. I thought about Mary Ann the whole time, but you were easier to nail, and I regret that now. I should have at least helped you get back to civilization afterwards.

I won't even get into my days as a member of the spur posse.

The funny thing would be to see if I can possibly make any more dated references than these.

[code6enterprises]

I regret sleeping with The Olsen Twins. Damned VD.

[Razorback]

I have no regrets... and I would sleep with everyone of my victims again.

RB

[GoreFollower]

You would! I don't think I can go through it a second time Razorback!

[Razorback]

I told you not to talk about that!

RB

[psychofiend]

Well... blah!!!! I had something to say but i forgot.

[brycejmcewen]

Wow, I don't post here for a couple of weeks, and look what I missed. Steamy sex stories. Zen, you're a wild one. I did not expect any mother-inlaw stories.

[ILovePapaSmurf]

<font color="purple">I regret not sleeping with my history teacher that looked like steve from blue's clues. </font color>

[karmattack]

As long as that's the case, I regret not sleeping with the two Playmates I hung out with in Las Vegas.

[Razorback]

Then I regret not sleeping with about 20 women that were obviously ready to give it up to me, but because I was in a relationship I declined!

Damn all relationships that last more than a day!

RB

[EternalStrife]

I do not believe in the part where you did not sleep with two playmates, and therefore do not believe in the part where you hung out with two playmates.

[ILovePapaSmurf]

<font color="purple">I've seen Karma's picture and if I was a playmate, I'd hang out with him. He is a cutie! </font color>

[EternalStrife]

Good for you, cause my relationships lasts too damn long. Somebody help me!

[Razorback]

If cute was enough then I would be hanging out at The Mansion right now. /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

RB

[Zens_7s]

I agree with Papa Smurf. Karma is a cutie, and only a blind playmate would not want to hang out with him.

[karmattack]

Take note because this is rare: I be speechless. Well, nearly speechless.


(Eternal: I promise the story about Playmates and Vegas is true. I just chose not to go that route with either of them at the time; I have this weird ass defect in a section of my brain that likes intellectual compatability, and it just so happens to be the same section of my brain that allows me to get erections. That doesn't mean when their issue came out -- they posed together -- and the girl I started dating saw it, that she DIDN'T get insanely jealous. Holy tiggling jitties, those were attractive females.)

[Razorback]

Freak.

RB

[karmattack]

If I had a nickle...

[Zens_7s]

Yeah, I think you are right RB. You are not the only one that wants to get freak[y] with Karma.

[DangerSeeker]

Ryall may have dated posts, but did he sleep with them?

I'm afraid to ask which Playmates, should the names be forefront in your memory.

I have people I regret dating, but sex is pretty much a straight-forward enjoyable act most of the time. There some pretty funny stories, though I am not sure how much I'd share without a beer or five.

[karmattack]

pssst.



pssst!


PSSST!

Hey, Danger! [ points (http://store.playboy.com/shopping/product/detailmain.jsp?ruleID=4&amp;itemID=1762&amp;lGen=detail&amp;it emType=PRODUCT&amp;iProductID=1762&amp;path=1%2C2%2C56%2C1 32%2C66) to something somewhat safe for work ]

edit: calling them Playmates may or may not be an exaggeration, but they are in that, you know, thing I pointed to.

[EternalStrife]

Alright. I'm subscribing.....

[karmattack]

I know you were joking, but you brought up an important point: DOWN WITH PLAYBOY! UP WITH PERFECT 10!

[EternalStrife]

That's not the only thing that goes up.....

[DangerSeeker]

!@#$%^&amp;*() work proxy. !@#@%%#$@^$%@&amp;^$&amp;@^$*@*$#

%^^#&amp;%^%#&amp;%%#&amp;%*$#()(@&amp;$&amp;#(ing work $^#%$%#@ proxy!

[karmattack]

couldn't open the page?

[karmattack]

let me help you out:
http://store.playboy.com/images//product/250/bi0104.jpg

[DangerSeeker]

All i get is the little red X. Our proxy really is T3h 5uck. Happy Tree Friends, Something Awful, Hotmail, Filmjerk, Fark, pretty much anything except here, my site (which I bet will go soon) and Dark Horizons.

[karmattack]

that's weak sauce. So you can't see the picture I posted above? That's the cover of the issue I mentioned before?

[Zens_7s]

Well even if he can't see it, it's working for me, so thanks for the afternoon entertainment!

[DangerSeeker]

Not until I get home, sadly. As if I needed more reason to want to get out of here today...

[jjcourtright]

Somehow, that is the only copy of Playboy that I have ever paid money for. I bought it because it had the Metallica interview from right after Newstead left the band. Alas, I have since thrown it out, so I can probably not recall which ladies they be.

[Zens_7s]

[Puts her wrist to JJ's forehead]

Yep, it's official. JJ is a sick individual. He threw out his only Playboy. I perscribe 2 Amoxicillin's and a new issue and call us in the morning.

[karmattack]

Well, one is wearing a pink wig and the other is wearing a purple one. They are posing together and the pics were taken on some pink leather seats that line the walls in the private club Sneakers, downstairs at the Hard Rock. That's for anyone who was planning on looking. I don't have the issue anymore either, so I can only explain the rest from memory.

[karmattack]

say NO to Playboy, JJ. Perfect 10 all the way.

[jjcourtright]

I am unfamiliar with Perfect 10. Please explain.

[EternalStrife]

How did you meet two playboy playmates, anyway?

[karmattack]

First, and most importantly, all of the models are NATURAL. They don't allow augmentations. Yay! No more big-lipped, fake boobied, dyed platnum blondes! Just girls who are very pretty naturally.

2. It's mostly pictures, with scattered articles and interviews. The interviews are good too (last one I saw was Morgan Freeman).

3. This isn't exactly good, but the magazine only comes out quarterly. The good part is, that assures quality. This also makes it a little tough to find, which is probably why you haven't heard of it.

[karmattack]

I was working (and playing a lot) in Las Vegas for a little over a week. One of the girls was waitressing at a restaurant in the Hard Rock called The Pink Taco. Ah, sweet irony! Her friend was the bartender. My friend and I ate there just about every day. One day...a couple bloody mary's, a little flirtation, badda-boom badda-bing.
What's funny is, they told us that they modeled for Playboy and the issue wasn't coming out until that November or the following February. We were basically like "Yeah, right," even though they were obviously telling the truth. My then-roommate had a subscription to Playboy and I kept an eye out. November rolled around -- nope. February -- nope. So I thought they were really lying, but then March (when the April issue arrived) was all about "HOLY SHIT!"

edit: if all this talk is beginning to sound like bragging, it isn't and it's not intended to. Like I said before, I didn't shack up with either of these girls.

[EternalStrife]

Pity man, pity. If it were me man, I would have been like...

[insert Jay scene from Jay &amp; Silent Bob Strikes Back.]

[DangerSeeker]

Don't you hate realizing way later something that might have been cool then, even though then it wouldn't have been cool later, but if you knew then what you know know, you might have blown then and not had the story you have now. So which is better?

For me it was Mary McCormack. Not to bed down, as far as I know, but, ah, long story.

[Omaru]

I regret my mom sleeping with my dad, you'd only have to see a pic of me to see why.

[EternalStrife]

But then if I had done it then, knowing what I know now, it would not have mattered anyway, because even if I did not know then what I knew now, I would not have been the sadder for it, because I would not know then, what I know now.

[ratm1966]

I don't really regret sleeping with any of the women I have slept with. Not even my ex-wife, because if I hadn't we wouldn't have had our daughter.

Now, I do regret not taking up a few offers that came my way soon after getting married. Why is it that women will ignore you, but once you are committed to someone, they flock all over you? I even had a bi-chick and a couple of other ladies offer me some at work....sigh.

[EternalStrife]

That's just an illusion. Because when you are married to someone, you'd expect certain things, like the obligation to be faithful to a single person for the rest of your natural life. Therefore, you become subconsciously depressed and tend to notice other women more that you ever did before.

[ratm1966]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
That's just an illusion. Because when you are married to someone, you'd expect certain things, like the obligation to be faithful to a single person for the rest of your natural life. Therefore, you become subconsciously depressed and tend to notice other women more that you ever did before.

[/ QUOTE ]

Okay, thanks for clearing that up for me. I must have misunderstood the one bi-chick who came up to me and said, "Have you ever had sex at work?" When I said no, she said, "Do you wanna?"

[EternalStrife]

My previous post is true except when it comes to that bi-chick. By the way, do you know where I can find her?

[karmattack]

Not to get all the girls hating me here, but this is my take on the deal. It's all confidence and girls often mistake other things for confidence. Hence, fine ladies date assh0les -- because assh0les don't care what happens either way and that gets mistaken for confidence. It's kind of the same thing with married men. Guys who are taken display a kind of certainty about themselves because they already have something to go home to. That, and also a lot of ladies get turned on to the fact that someone else is attracted to you, like "Well, heck. If she likes him, that means he's likeable."
If you can't find the woman who can help you be happy and be the right mother for your children, I say spend the $15, hang out at the booby bar and go about your day /forums/images/icons/grin.gif /forums/images/icons/grin.gif

[Razorback]

So true... I'm a total [censored] and women LOVE ME! /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

RB

[Zens_7s]

Why would we hate you? I think your take on the situation is pretty accurate. Confidence in men is attractive, and it is often hard to tell the difference between confidence and cockiness. Men are equally guilty of this. Most people feel more excited about a conquest when it was difficult to obtain. The people one treats with indifference won't go away and the ones treated kindly act as if they have the upper hand.

On the married front, I did notice a big change in the way we both were treated. My husband always got hit on, but after we got married the advances became more blatent. What is more attractive to a woman than taking away something very difficult to get? I actually had the opportunity to hear a girl talking about him in the bathroom at a bar, and she didn't know I was his wife because we were hanging out with two different groups of people. Her quote, "yeah well, he is married but he's pretty wild so I am sure he's bored to death with his little wifey already. I bet you he comes home with me tonight." Then she made a little oops face and a giggle.

In our case, that happens often enough that going out got to be a pain in the ass for me. Woman can be especially vicious when it comes to men (hence why most of my friends are guys). I mistakenly thought competition would end when I got married and I was totally wrong. It got worse. Add the title of "wife" and immediately every one thinks you are the Vanilla ice cream and your husband is dying to try Cherry Nut Suprise. Plus, divorce is so common now that every girl assumes that a wedding ring is just temporary.

[EternalStrife]

That's why I don't believe in the institution of marriage. It's nothing more than a binding contract people use to ensure that their partner will be exclusively bounded to them. And that unfaithfulness results in a penalty charge. Hence the concept of alimony. It's nothing more than a means of living that comes with maintenance.

The only true thing a human being fears is to be alone. Anything would be a subcategory under it. People fear death because the fear the unknown and why people fear the unkown is because they are afraid the will have to face it alone. That's why we have organised religion. It's just so people can give themselves and excuse that they will not be alone when they die. That God will be there for them.

That's why we have the concept of holy matrimony. So that we can always be sure that were are perpetually special to that particular someone. So that we won't we unwanted and alone. The only unfortunate thing is the some fool came up with concept of divorce. In that case, marriages no longer becomes a binding contract. But still people hold on to the illusion that they will always be special to someone.

[Omaru]

Please. Fearing death is stupididty itself, its inevitable that we are all going to die some day so why be scared, its like when some kids were little and scared of the dark. They got used to it because it always happened. I'm far from religious and I dont fear death. Maybe because I dont really enjoy life? maybe. Anyway this thread is weird to me, its like Im reading and I see whats happening and what people are saying but its just not sinking in. And it angers me I think, becuase I am probably none of these things, and its not something that develops naturally, its just there or it isn't. Or its there when people have some sort of power (weather it bbe lookswise or monetary.) So i will never achieve this assholiness, and that [censored] pisses me off.

[EternalStrife]

Knowing the fact that death is inevitable doesn't stop people from fearing it. Why else would be still cower in fear when they are taken hostages or held up in a robbery. If that is the case, nobody would be afraid to step up and risk their lives for the greater good in critical situations.

And as for the fact that my previous post didn't sink in for you, that wasn't what it was intended to do. It is just an opinion, a point of view. That's all. As for your reaction of anger to the post, I will not say whether or not it's justified. I'm not putting on a holier-than-thou attitude here. Like I said, it's just an opinion.

[Omaru]

I didn't say your post didn't sink in, I meant the whole thread in general.

[EternalStrife]

Oh, sorry then. My mistake.

[jennifermalin]

here's a "power" you have, omaru: a british accent. visit the u.s. and you'll find that it's a chick magnet. /forums/images/icons/wink.gif

but don't aspire to "assholiness." while there's some truth about a certain cockiness being attractive, it's not a lasting or deep attraction. the most powerful attraction will come from some emotional, intellectual and/or psychological connection. and this is more and more true as you get away from the teen years.

this is a weird thread.

[EternalStrife]

That's the second time I have heard this thread being refered to as weird. Please define what you mean by 'weird'.

[johnbamforth]

i do believe this thread does in fact suck ass.

[Razorback]

Plus, the thread title is poor grammar.

RB

[psychofiend]

I can't believ your the first to point that out i didn't wanna bring it up but what the fuck kind of aick [censored] ends a sentence with a preposition.

[DangerSeeker]

I wonder how this thread went from sexual regret to death. Is it because of what the french call orgasms? Le morte petite, the little death, or something like that.

That, or there are some real bad regrets we aren't hearing.

[johnbamforth]

LOL one of lifes mysterys the French

[EternalStrife]

French fries?

[Omaru]

I regret sleeping with food in bed to save time midnight snacking. I fell asleep on the french fries and woke up greasy.

[karmattack]

Truly, I regret sleeping with girls that I worked with. That's something that won't happen again unless the circumstances are veeeeeeeery special. Even though the three/four situations in question turned out positive, it's still embarassing and uncomfortable. Maybe it's just me, but there something awkward and demeaning to suddenly get treated differently all day at work by people who heard from someone who heard from someone else what size the wang is.

[Threadkiller]

Don't give up on that potential career in porn. It would solve all your problems (except everyone would know the size of the wang)

[karmattack]

Hey, how did you know it was porno?

Wait, that's not what you were saying was it?

[EternalStrife]

Buddy, you just busted yourself there.

[karmattack]

No, it was guy on girl porno, not solo.

Wait, that's not what you were saying either, was it?

Man, I'm 0 for 2.

[EternalStrife]

Don't worry. You'll get it right sooner or later. It's all up to fate baby!