Not really. Cannes is not about Zen currents. Nobody relaxes. If you're here to cover, you embrace the pace. 18 hour days and 5 or 6 hours of sleep between them for nine days straight.

I'll be hammering away until the morning of Friday, May 21st, when I leave this heavily-cranked vacation burg on the Med and disappear on my annual week-long getaway. No columns on Wednesday the 26th and Friday the 28th (THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW will have to do without input from me), then I'm back in the shit Wednesday, June 2nd.

I suppose I should use this forum to let all the publicists know I don't have a Cannes cell phone, but I can be reached by e-mail, of course. I also have a mailbox at the American Pavillion, courtesy of the gracious Todd Zeller. I've been invited to a few things already, but I want to go everywhere and do everything.

Cannes Kickers

My biggest wanna-see is Michael Moore's FAHRENHEIT 911, followed by Da Pedro, THE LIFE AND DEATH OF PETER SELLERS (which isn't screening officially until Friday, 5.21, which is the day I leave....is that Michael Lawson I hear coming to the rescue?), Wong Kar Wai's 2046, Oliver Assayas's CLEAN, and Niels Mueller's THE ASSASSINATION OF RICHARD NIXON with Sean Penn and Naomi Watts.

I'd like to see the slightly more graphic Japanese version of KILL BILL -- both volumes assembled as a single three-hour-plus movie -- but Quentin Tarantino, who's one of the festival jurors, isn't showing it until Saturday, May 22nd, by which time 90% of the journalists have blown town. I asked his publicist about seeing it earlier, but no dice.

I can't wait to see four docs in particular -- Jacques Richard's HENRI LANGLOIS: THE PHANTOM OF THE CINEMATHEQUE, Xan Cassavetes' Z CHANNEL: A MAGNIFICENT OBSESSION, Jean Luc Godard's NOTRE MUSIQUE (it sounds documentary-ish, to go by the descriptions), and Patricio Guzman's SALVADOR ALLENDE.

The GUARDIAN's Peter Bradshaw has two films on his top-ten list that I know nothing about, but they sound worthwhile. One is Jessica Hausner's HOTEL, an apparently sinister piece set in the Austrian Alps about a hotel receptionist who comes to suspect that something bad-weird-strange happened to the person who had the job before.

The other Bradshaw pick is Thomas Vincent's I AM A MURDERER, a French drama in the vein of THE SILENT PARTNER and STRANGERS ON A TRAIN. It's about an unpublished writer whose best pal, a best-selling author whose recent divorce has left him with writers' block, offers to publish his lesser-known pal's manuscript under his own name, which will assure commercial success. The catch is that the unknown-guy has to agree to kill the well-known guy's ex.

SCREEN DAILY yesterday reviewed a Hungarian film called KONTROLL that sounds ripe. Set largely inside Budapest's underground transit system and covering the same basic turf as Luc Besson's SUBWAY, pic was the country's biggest hit in '03 and won critical raves besides. It's about a young guy named Bulcsu (Sandor Csanyi) hiding from life. Through the various stories and vignettes, U.S.-born director Antal Nimrod "deftly paints a rich fresco of modern Hungary, appropriately when it is about to join the European community with all the associated stresses and changes."

Emir Kusturica's new film, ZIVOT JE CUDO, is a small-town drama set in Bosnia. It sounds whimsical. The synopsis says it's basically about the upheavals of war as they affect a guy named Luka. I've never gotten Kusturica, but I don't know anything so why blather?

Another priority is the world premiere of MICHELANGELO'S GAZE, a new short by the 92 year-old Michelangelo Antonioni, who's also showing a digitally-restored version of his 1966 classic BLOWUP.

The BLOWUP screening is part of a big new restoration program. Included this year are spiffy new prints of Buster Keaton's THE GENERAL, a somewhat longer version of Sam Fuller's THE BIG RED ONE (the 1980 theatrical release version ran 113 minutes) , Tony Richardson's THE LONELINESS OF THE LONG-DISTANCE RUNNER (an awesome film...rent it if you haven't seen it) and Gillo Pontecorvo's black-and-white THE BATTLE OF ALGIERS.

DreamWorks is showing footage from SHARK TALE and having some kind of press luncheon for it. TROY has a big gala screening set for Thursday night, but I don't need to see it again. It'll probably be difficult (not to mention pointless) to dislike SHREK II, but it seems odd to be seeing it here.

Walter Salles' THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES, a South American road movie about the political awakening of Ernesto "Che" Guevara, is also showing, but I already ran with it at last January's Sundance Film Festival. I think it's a near-great film.

There's also Lucrecuia Martel's THE HOLY GIRL (LA NINA SANTA). I don't know why I'm mentioning it or what I mean exactly when I say "there's also," but I know one critic who knows his stuff and really liked Martel's LA CIENAGA.

Mueller's RICHARD NIXON flick, being shown under Un Certain Regard, is set in '74. It's about a Philadelphia salesman (Penn) whose financial difficulties lead to a descent into wack-job territory when he decides to hijack a commuter plane and crash it into the White House. Here's hoping Penn will attend the post-screening press conference and sound off about everything. Mueller's last big credit was co-writing TADPOLE.

That's a good 20-plus wannasee's, plus whatever I hear about along the way, which may add another two or three to the total. That's still less than three films a day, which is fine by me.

Black and White Guy

I wanted to take a color shot of Jim Jarmusch during our interview. A good portion of his films have been in black and white, and he often seems to be photographed in black and white, so I thought a color snap of the guy would be worth something. But he told the publicists he didn't want any photos taken.

What kind of a movie director says no to photos during an interview? How can a photo be uncool or unwelcome? You've got a movie to sell, right?

It gradually hit me that a disciplined director says no photos. A guy who knows how to say no -- who decides on rules and sticks to them.

This doesn't necessarily follow, but I got a vague hint during our 15 minute chat that Jarmusch may be a political conservative. I don't know anything, but David Lynch is a roughly similar kind of guy with a similar type haircut -- '50s pompadour, gray hair -- and he's a rightie.

That's logical, right? You can't be afraid to make these associative leaps in life. Dare to be rash.

Jarmusch's new film (opening Friday in selected cities) is COFFEE AND CIGARETTES. It's a bunch of black-and-white shorts Jarmusch has been making since '86. One that year, one or two in '89, one in '93, one or two in '96...I took notes when we spoke but I can't make sense of them now.

The shorts are all about people sitting around cafes and whatnot, smoking and drinking mud.

I was late to the screening and I missed a chunk, but the short that costars Alfred Molina and Steve Coogan is easily the best. VARIETY called it "arguably the film's high point."

Molina and Coogan more or less play themselves. The bit's about Molina telling Coogan he's recently discovered that they're cousins, and that he'd like a certain family closeness to bloom between them. Coogan is understandably guarded when Molina says he'd like to have his "love," but later the tables turn and Coogan's disdain of Molina flips over into abject grovelling.

A lesser but still decent one, apparently shot within the last year or two, has Bill Murray playing a version of himself -- goofbally, paranoid -- batting the ball back and forth with rap artists Rza and Gza of Wu Tang Clan and pleading with them not to tell anyone who he is. That's what I remember, anyway.

I don't know what all of these shorts amount to, but I felt cool watching them and I still feel cool even now, basking in the afterglow.

I told Jarmusch about a short-film script I've written and that I felt a bit anxious about getting the dialogue to sound right. Forget the precision of the script, he said. He said he encourages his actors to depart from his scripts whenever the mood hits. "Acting is reacting," he said.

I asked if he's smoking these days and he said no, but he described himself an off-and- on addict. Nicotine "is a very powerful narcotic," he remarked.

Telling him about the short definitely seemed to prompt warmer , friendlier feelings in Jarmusch, who has a cool reserved demeanor when you first meet him. I just wish I could have snapped his photo. Maybe next time.

What About Stay?

I've got this idea of Marc Forster being much more of a careful, emotionally delicate European director who gets great performances from his actors (as in MONSTER'S BALL and EVERYTHING PUT TOGETHER) than, say, a studio whore who cranks out mainstream product for a fee. And Forster doesn't fit the second definition at all.

This tells me, intuitively or whatever, that his next film, STAY, will be something other than a standard studio-issue thing...although the word "thriller" otherwise applies.

It's about a psychologist (Ewan MacGregor) whose suicidal client (Ryan Gosling) makes bizarre predictions that begin to come true, to the psychologist's increasing alarm. The film costars Naomi Watts, Kate Burton, Janeane Garafalo, Bob Hoskins and B.D. Wong.

The official definition, by the way, is that STAY is a "reality-bending thriller" and not a "supernatural thriller," as one or two sites have described it. It will be released some time in the fall. I've heard second-hand from a cast member that November is a likely window, but Fox publicists are saying nothing's set.

This means Forster will have two films coming out in tandem next fall -- STAY and J.M. BARRIE'S NEVERLAND.

NEVERLAND, a Miramax release, was pulled from a previous December '03 release slot over concerns about viewers confusing it with P.J. Hogan's PETER PAN. It is currently set for a 10.22.04 release.

STAY, which looks like a likely candidate for next September's Toronto Film Festival, wouldn't conflict with NEVERLAND in terms of subject or target audience, but Fox and Miramax will probably have to coordinate things to some extent, as a courtesy to Forster.

Steal

This is a straight copy-and-paste job, taken from the web blog www.flyonthewall.com. I found it through a link of www.defamer.com. It was posted last Sunday. All I can say are two things: (a) it's funny and (b) Dustin Hoffman is my new hero, even if it's only half true. Even the most scurrilous gossip usually has a reliable element or two.

"If you were making a list of the most difficult people in Hollywood, chances are Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand would both be on it.

"Both Hoffman and Streisand are now also working together in MEET THE FOCKERS, which just started filming here in LA. It's the sequel to MEET THE PARENTS and also stars Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, and Blythe Danner.

"According to a confidant working on the very closed set, both Hoffman and Streisand have been fairly well behaved... for Hoffman and Streisand. It's also the first time Streisand has appeared in a film that she hasn't directed in more than seventeen years.

"Hoffman has needled writer/director Jay Roach relentlessly about small changes in the script, which Roach has largely ignored, with producing studio Universal's support.

"Barbra has mostly been in her 'little waif girl' mode, extremely cooperative and unctuous to Roach. Those who have worked with her know Barbra has three distinct personalities: (1) Godzilla with a good manicure; (2) the bubbling bubeleh, and (3) the little waif girl. If you want to see the third personality, watch the 'Papa Can You Hear Me?' segment of YENTL, if you're a hearty soul.

"Populist Streisand even insisted everyone on the set call her Barbra and not 'Miss Streisand.' When AD Josh King made the mistake of calling her 'Barb,' however, the creature awakened. 'Don't call me that!' Streisand snarled.

"Hoffman then made a point to refer to Streisand as 'Barb' continuously thereafter. Is Barb in this shot? Should I stand next to Barb? What's my line after Barb's?

"Later, after a lunch break, Streisand recoiled in horror when she saw the camera crew all sporting 'Bush 2004' buttons. Withering under the diva's stare, DP John Schwartzman admitted sheepishly that Hoffman had put them up to the stunt and passed out the buttons.

"At that point, Streisand wheeled around to Hoffman and bellowed, 'Dustin, you putz!" and stormed off the set.

"Robert De Niro quickly played peacemaker and brought Barbra back a few minutes later. Hoffman apologized to Streisand and said he was only trying to help her get into character -- Streisand and Hoffman play Stiller's viciously feuding parents in the sequel."

Ass-piration

"You wrote last week that 'for all inspirational purposes RAISING HELEN is a big-studio riff on Sandra Nettlebeck's MOSTLY MARTHA, which was distributed by Paramount Classics.'

"RAISING HELEN will also be compared to BABY BOOM, the 1987 comedy (MGM/UA, Charles Shyer, Nancy Myer), which had Diane Keaton as a New York City businesswoman who becomes the unwilling parent of a baby girl.

"She inherits the child from a distant relation who dies suddenly, conveniently, and off-screen.

"I suppose you should give RAISING HELEN credit for raising the orphan ante (three smart-mouthed children vs. one easily portable infant in BABY BOOM).

"HELEN'S love interest gets a spiritual promotion, too. No longer is he a rugged, road tested yet baggage-free veterinarian looking after mere sheep and cows (BABY BOOM featured Sam Shephard, the go-to fantasy boyfriend of the 80s woman). The new movie's love interest minds human souls -- Hudson's Helen flirts with a Lutheran pastor (John Corbett, last seen carrying a huge baby, supposedly belonging to his character, on SEX AND THE CITY.).

"I agree with you on the poster. What a very strange and impudent position Hudson is in. What is that...yoga? Or could she have fallen? She doesn't look comfortable.

"NYC subway grafitti on movie posters is always good for gauging public reaction. Along with some added moustaches, beards, eyeglasses, and blackened teeth (every movie poster gets some of that), I've seen one that now reads, 'RAISING HELEN'S BUTT.'" -- Justine Elias, journalist, New York City.

Star Wars Casino

"I've never been to Vegas and never really wanted to for reasons too numerous to list, but I would book a stay at the Star Wars Casino at the drop of a hat. That is the best fucking idea ever. Especially considering the nation of legal gamblers grew up with the original trilogy. It's a slam fucking dunk." -- Josh Hara