While the rest of America was out drinking bootleg liquor, doing the Charleston and speeding toward Capone's hideout, Hollywood was learning to talk. With the arrival of the Al Jolson starrer THE JAZZ SINGER, the story of a young Jewish man who defies his strict religious father and grows up to be Neil Diamond, the age of "Talkies" had begun. Audiences crowded theaters across the country to see Jolson utter the first spoken dialogue in a feature film, "Let's all go to the lobby and get ourselves a treat!" while dressed as a giant box of popcorn.

Overnight, Tinseltown had a new trick up its sleeve: Now it could be boring and chatty at the same time. However, even with all the attention paid to Jolson's feat, spoken dialogue in film was regarded as a passing fad. It is a fact, though rarely acknowledged, that actual speech was itself considered something of a passing fancy by the general populace, practiced only by vulgar politicians and the legally married in the privacy of their own bedrooms (hence the saying "children are to be seen and not heard"). Hollywood and Jolson changed all that, however, as suddenly kids all across America were imitating him, first by "chatting" (as the slang of the day had it) in "speakeasies," and then openly "gabbing" on street corners. Faster than a fogey can dash off a cranky letter to the editor, "talking" had swept through middle America, much like "smelling" would become a national craze forty years later.

And thus ended the careers of the only tolerable silent film stars, Charlie Chaplin and Buster Keaton, who, it should be remembered, spent most of their careers making short films. The brilliant comedy of Keaton and Chaplin was squeezed out of theaters as people clamored for more yammering boobs like Jolson, who, for his part, followed THE JAZZ SINGER with mostly forgettable performances in movies like CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC (1929), HARD TO HOLD (1931), and GLITTER (1933).

As if that weren't enough, the Twenties also brought us the granddaddy of self-congratulatory honors, the Academy Awards, which boldly broke with award tradition by giving prizes and recognition not for merit or distinguished achievement, but instead to members who had stuck around and not pissed people off too badly, thus paving the way for the Special Olympics.

The very first Academy Award for Best Picture was given to a silent film called WINGS, starring "Buddy" Rogers and Hollywood's "It Girl" Clara Bow. (No one has ever been entirely sure what "It" was supposed to be, but reportedly Bow herself once let the entire USC offensive line in on the secret.)

The picture tells the tale of Jack, played by "Buddy," who spurns Mary (Bow) in favor of Sylvia, portrayed by the sadistically named Jobyna Ralston, herself madly in love with Jack's best friend, David, played by... oh, like it matters, but let's say Adam West, who may or may not be the father of Mary's baby, Lester Perrywinkle III, the future heir to the throne of Belgium. Jack and David go off to fight in World War I, only to have Jack get shot down over Buenos Aires, where he either died or did his best impression of a flaming wreck plummeting out of the sky. David returns home to Sylvia only to find that she has become engaged to Jack's evil twin, Phyllis, and...

Oh, hell. I don't know. I think I watched it when I was home last year with the flu, but it's entirely possible I was just flipping between PEARL HARBOR and ALL MY CHILDREN while doped up on NyQuil. I've never actually seen the film clear-headed, which is ironic, because neither had anyone in the Academy. WINGS won the Award because Academy President William C. de Mille (no relation) (to me I mean) was trying to score with its lead actress, a practice that continues to this day, regardless of what those jerks at Price Waterhouse tell you.

History doesn't record what happened between Ms. Bow and Mr. de Mille, but we do know for certain that WINGS was the first, last and only silent film to win the Academy Award for Best Picture. Since then, winners have been anything but silent, and indeed Hollywood as a whole has overcompensating for their quiet start ever since.

Thanks a lot, Jolson...

Next: The Mummy Versus the Creature from the Black Lagoon in a No-Holds-Barred Cage Match!

E-MAIL THE AUTHOR | ARCHIVES